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Lone parents

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Original poster

Do you receive little or no child maintenance?

55 replies

ShirleyKnot · 01/12/2011 16:17

I'm trying to start some interest in an MN campaign to try and bring awareness to the plight of the many thousands of us who are struggling to put food on the table with little or no financial support from an absent/NR parent.

Please come and look here at my thread in the campaign section and add your thoughts or experiences.

Thanks

OP posts:
TheFrogs · 03/12/2011 01:47

Think this is worthy of a bump for tomorrow, anyone who has to deal with csa take a look, we may be having to pay for their "service" in the future.

Clownsarescary · 03/12/2011 02:06

Another bump from here, how the courts listened to my ex lying under oath and his accountant doing fancy footwork.

Not a penny for 7 years. I've worked full time, hardly a penny to spare because of childcare costs on top of everything else (I did get a little CTC CWTC). I know I would have been better off on benefits, but I didn't want to lose my job and self respect. My dc's are much older now and think I'm the bees knees. But it was hard, and they have gone without. He got away with it.

There was no point in going to the CSA because he was so 'bent' financially, even the judge didn't see through it. There are thousands of us.

alphabetti · 03/12/2011 11:18

I get no maintanence from exh as he says he won't pay for kids he doesn't see, even though not seeing them is his choice. It just annoys me that he can get away without supporting them financially yet if I didn't feed, clothe or keep them warm I would be done for child neglect.

I work 22 hours a week plus study at uni part time and I doubt I would get any help if I just decided to quit my job but he seems to be able to get job seekers long term and get away with working on the sly.

Doowrah · 03/12/2011 15:19

Not a penny in 10 years.

Meglet · 03/12/2011 15:25

I get maintenance but XP doesn't see the kids.

I refuse to pay for the CSA as it wasn't my choice to use them. XP wouldn't pay if it wasn't for the CSA.

bonnieslilsister · 03/12/2011 18:22

no maintenance in 3 years but lots of peace!

froggies · 03/12/2011 23:16

DS... About £600 in 14 years, every time the CSA find him, he leaves his job and moves.

DD1&2 £100 a month total, by mutual agreement, no CSA involvement.

ExP's eldest daughter, he hasn't seen for most of her life, he paid between £300 and £100 a month for 7 years up until she turned 19, through CSA, bitterly resented it, but I think his ExP did the right thing, he was only prepared to pay while he saw her. I should have taken that as a hint and made him ExP a lot sooner!

Solo · 03/12/2011 23:30

Bloody men! Angry

Ds's father gave me around £300 in the first few months of Ds's life and nothing since. He's 13 now. Hasn't seen his father in over 10 years. Said he doesn't see why he should pay for a child he doesn't see. Ok. Ds knows I care for his needs...
The csa have been shit at catching him and I know about the lies he told to avoid paying for his eldest child, so even if they do, he'll get away with paying towards his son.

Dd's father pays £200pcm, but owes a large chunk from a couple of years ago because he 'wasn't seeing her.' Good job I decided to keep feeding her though! He says he loves her, she's the best thing that's ever happened to him etc, but doesn't ever keep his word about seeing/speaking to her. I'm happy for him to sod off, but I do wish that on the odd occasion he emails me that he wouldn't ask me to tell Dd that he loves her very much and misses her. I don't, because it gets her hopes up and the older she gets, the more hurt she'll be.

trinni · 04/12/2011 23:04

My twatty NRP ex has manipulated evidence of his self employed earnings in a deliberate attempt to deceive the CSA and negate his financial responsibilities to support his children.

I have turned myself inside out, over several years, in order to nail him and still we get peanuts.

I will do whatever is needed in support of this.

The CSA are beyond useless.

moomoo1967 · 06/12/2011 15:41

It is 9 years on Xmas eve since my Ex walked out. Since then I have had £70.00 ! He works cash in hand so that the CSA cannot take the money from source. In the past he has lied about his income and they awarded me £8.25 per week, I have never seen any of that money as he moved again. You would think that these men would at least want to see their children provided for. Its been a struggle and how I manage to contain my anger when I walk into town and see him standing outside the pubs in town having a smoke I will never know. He actually walked past DD in town last week and didn't even recognise her she said.

lisaro · 06/12/2011 15:49

Froggies and Solo - from what you've written the men you had children with already had children they resented paying for, or didn't pay for. (sorry if I've misunderstood). If you knew that, why did you have children with them? I'm not judging, but genuinely don't understand.

crinklemicrochips · 06/12/2011 16:07

ex pays no maintenance, he doesn't ring/visit anything, doesn't ring on birthdays, christmas nothing.

froggies · 06/12/2011 17:37

Lisaro, hind sight is a wonderful thing!
I fell for his story.... 'They split up when DC was tiny, he had to battle through courts to get contact, in the end he nearly had a breakdown and she disappeared, so he had no idea where his Dc was, and he'd always wanted to be a proper dad....' he was good with my DS.... We made a life together.
When his exW got in touch as DC wanted to meet him, he saw her regularly, paid voluntarily... I met them both... All looked good!
Then we started looking at relocation, bought double renovation project, money got tight. He started moaning about having t pay for everything on visits, visits petered out, then after a while he stopped paying. She contacted CSA shortly before we relocated (I didn't blame her, but he went off on one).
Then I fell pregnant... Double renovation... He started own business, I could't get work, first house didn't sell...... No money, so he didn't pay. I didn't agree, but I was struggling to manage the household funds to keep food on our table, never mind someone else's, (selfish I know). A year later he started paying again, and ended up in court over missed payments, all of which he paid back, if reluctantly. Not condoning his behaviour, he should have paid something, but that is why I didn't see the significance... He was providing for me, my son and our baby first.
He does pay voluntarily for our DD's (no2 was definatly not intended, but is adorable!) however, I suspect if at any point contact stops, so will the money. Hopefully I will then be in a position not to miss his £100 a month.

Solo · 06/12/2011 22:49

Yes, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Lisaro, I was told I'd never conceive naturally, so imagine my surprise when I fell pg twice with Ds's father. Also had the same fortune with Dd's father and if you know anything from my previous posts, you'll know that Dd's father was leading me a merry old dance from the off (two separate lives with two different women and neither of us knew), had I known, yes I'd still have gone ahead with having Dd; she is wonderful....sadly, wonderful doesn't pay the bills. Yet.

effingwotsits · 06/12/2011 22:55

Nothing in 6 years from dsd's mother. CSA is a farce!

happybubblebrain · 07/12/2011 12:12

I've never recieved anything. It's a total scandal that so many men get away with it. I once paid my council tax 4 days late and I got fined £40 for it. It is astounding that nothing is done to make 'fathers' support their kids, why aren't they getting fined? Surely looking after our kids should be a national priority.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 07/12/2011 13:18

Nothing. Husband went to thailand where there's no reciprocal agreement for csa payments. but then as the CAB chap told me when I went to see them once 'the CSA would be hard pushed to get any money out of an ex if he lived ten miles away let alone in Thailand ha ha ha'. He meant it. I didn't find it funny.

If a bloke is hell bent on not paying there are many ways to do so - one I used to know packed his job in and started flogging cars for cash just so that he didn't have to pay his ex wife for their three children. . ie he declared his income to be nil. He did it because his wife left him and he felt she deserved feck all.

Nice. Not.

I don't know why men like my exhusband aren't just arrested and jailed for child neglect and domestic abuse. I really don't. I know where mine is living and working. Why don't they go and arrest him? Because they don't give a shit that's why.

doomsday · 08/12/2011 09:14

My ex is currently appealling the REMO order that was served on him 4 weeks ago after 7 years of non payment! I found ex in end as on run from courts.
I do not know if and how he will get away with it! But lets say I aint holding my breath and expect nought.
Part of me hopes ex wont pay and will be sent to prison at least then I will sleep easy....until he is then released!

WinterSleeps · 08/12/2011 09:24

I support this campaign. I have heard too many stories like this and know the CSA is useless.

I have had HMRC chasing me for 4 years for less than £15.00 they think I owe from SE NI contributions, despite the fact I have paid it, and they cashed the cheque in 2008, but CSA can't get their act together to follow up on deadbeat dads?

WinterSleeps · 08/12/2011 09:26

(Excuse the Americanism, and yes I know sometimes the mother is the NRP also).

Very much support the campaign, ShirleyKnot.

TheHumancatapult · 08/12/2011 09:33

ds1 and ds2 nothing they are now almost 18 and 15 .I gave csa address places of work , zilch he then moved quit work nothing

i gave up ater 4 year s of keep feeding them the info

He did not bother to see the dc for long time .Ds1 wants nowt to do with him and refused any direct xmas money of him for the last few years he has got back in contact..

Ds2 sees hime maybe once or twice a year and he gets given £20 or £30 for borthday or christmas.

No matiances nothing of csa figure they shut the case .Yet he owns his own business and has a house and remarried and has 2 more young dc

dd and ds3 i get £10 a fornight via csa as he is a lazy shit and gave up job .thats about to go down as him and his new wife are expecting a baby .oh no contact

cuteboots · 09/12/2011 15:09

a few payments every now and then but he gives false addresses and they can never track him down! I think he owes about £2k in arrears but im not holding my breath and my son is now 7.....

PiousPrat · 09/12/2011 18:36

ExP is on benefits and has been for the 8 years we have been apart. I went through the CSA when I went on benefits myself (had to back then) about a year after we split and was awarded £5 a week for 2 DC. Since then he has married and had 4 DDs with his wife. Then they claimed they had split up (they get more benefits that way) and my CSA is now split between all 6 kids, so I get 87p a week per child. ExP still lives with his wife, I know he does, they co-sign Xmas cards and the like but apparently that isn't enough proof for the CSA and the onus seems to be on me to prove it so now 2/3s of the CSA payments go straight back into his household.

I am planning a big blowout with the money. I figure i just need to save every weeks payments for the next 6 years and I can have a really nice takeout for the 3 of us Hmm

chickorita · 09/12/2011 22:19

Up until June of this year I received £8.34 per month in child maintenance for my 15 year old son. This went down to nil in July.

My ex is self employed, and has definitely been economical with the truth about his earnings.

He is idiotic enough to have zero security settings on his Facebook profile, and it reveals holidays in Brazil, Belize and Thailand;along with plans to open a bar in Belize. Hardly cries poverty to me!

In July,I closed my case with the CSA, then waited 13 weeks to open a new one. This means I am now on the new system, which I'm told is more straightforward. On the old system, things like his housing costs for example were taken into consideration when working out how much he could afford to pay. Under the new system, it's simply a case of 15% of his income. So,hopefully it will work out better - it can't get lower than nil!

The Government should target absent parents that won't support their children, rather than direct their vitriol on single mothers.

girliefriend · 10/12/2011 16:10

My dd is 5yo and I have never had any money from her absent father, haven't gone down the route of csa for a few differnent reasons. Most of the time we can make ends meet and actually I feel more annoyed with the fact that he refuses to acknowledge she exists rather than the lack of financial support.