Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Be gentle please I don't know what to do and I know it sounds petty

68 replies

fluffystabby · 20/11/2011 09:00

I am due to have my girls next weekend. I had tentative plans to do something

. But the ex texted yesterday and said it's his niece's baptism - he'd like the girls to go to the Church service and there's a family meal after.

Actually, I like his youngest brother and wife, they are as normal as it gets in that family and out of the whole crew of them they are the only ones never to have been nasty to me - his SIL is a lovely girl and I wouldn't want to upset her for anything.

Plus, I know the girls want to go and see DN getting baptised, and I understand completely that he wants them at such a family occasion.

So I am prepared to change my plans, suck it up, and let him have the girls for the day so they can go. (Obviously he doesn't know I'm changing plans to accommodate him but I am nevertheless)

But the problem is CLOTHES. All the girl's decent clothes end up up at his house and I have great difficulty getting them back. Usually because of exactly situations like this, where I send them dressed appropriately for some family dinner or event from my house, and they then go on to school from his on the Monday morning (he has the girls on a Sunday night as I have uni first thing on Mondays and he takes them to school which means the girls come to me in uniform iyswim and the clothes are left up the road)

I am considering phoning him this morning and telling him that I need the clothes back to dress the girls appropriately next Sunday or they don't go to the Baptism?

He will make a whole song and dance and be angry about it, and say the clothes are theirs and I am being ridiculous blah blah blah and I'll probably end up in tears. I normally would just buy the girls another outfit to wear but I really can't afford to keep doing that and I don't see why I should have to .
What do you all think?

I would post in AIBU but I don't want a pasting.

OP posts:

Original poster

fluffystabby · 22/11/2011 18:40

And do you know what really really sucks? I just phoned him and said "What did you think you were sending"

Oh my mum sorted out the bag of stuff I didn't look.

I may have slightly lost it and told him to grow up and stop being so fucking pathetic. And I want the fucking decent bastard clothes I bought back and I have told him if I don't get them by this Saturday then I will go with the police to collect them as he is wilfully withholding them from me and since I bought them it's theft.

And I may have then slammed the phone down.

OP posts:

BecauseImWorthIt · 22/11/2011 18:43

I may have just muttered "twat" on your behalf ...

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 22/11/2011 18:43

oh fluffy he sure knows how to push your buttons. I would have more than likely done the same as you, but you have now lost the high ground.

But still, did it feel good to 'fishwife' at him?

Original poster

fluffystabby · 22/11/2011 18:46

I didn't swear but I felt like it. I told him I wanted the clothes he was withholding back by Saturday evening and if he didn't return them to me, I would bring the police to get them and then I quoted the Theft Act at him

OP posts:

Original poster

fluffystabby · 22/11/2011 18:47

I did tell him to grow up and stop being pathetic.

I may have asked him did he get his mother to wipe his bum for him

OP posts:

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 22/11/2011 18:51

well you have only stated what you want really. Clothes that belong to your children that you bought back at your house. Lets gloss over the mummys boy bumwiping part.

Original poster

fluffystabby · 22/11/2011 18:52

And I was talking to him about times he'd be picking them up on Sunday morning and he said 11am and I said that's a bit of an issue because DD1 has just come home and said it's her friend's party on Sat night and there's a sleepover

And he ranted that "Do you know how many sleepovers I got to go on when I was 13? Do you? Do you Fluffy? She can be told no you know you are far too soft it won't do her any harm to miss a sleepover"

So I said "Could you please explain to me why I should have to refuse my daughter and say no to her on my weekend for the sake of your family? Please bear in mind this is my weekend and it's up to me what I do and I had plans. But I do not see why I should have to refuse my daughter something for the sake of your family dynamic"

OP posts:

Original poster

fluffystabby · 22/11/2011 18:55

I actually want to scream "just fuuckkkkk offf you wankstain knobjockey cuntichops barrrrrstard"

but I didn't and I won't. But jjjeeeeeeeez he's hard work.

DD1 isn't going on the sleepover because I just cannot get her back on time and organise showers/dressing etc for her and DD2 (sleepover is 10-ish miles away in a satellite town kind of) And yes I said no. But he has no right to just impose what he wants on me.

I did point out that I could have said no and would he rather the girls weren't there

OP posts:

tallwivglasses · 22/11/2011 19:10

I've just waved pompoms on your other thread.

If he carries on getting narky just tell him to fucking forgive you

3littlefrogs · 22/11/2011 22:53

How does his behaviour fit with his Christian faith? What happened to his Christian values? His behaviour is bizarre.

Is his mum equally mad?

Original poster

fluffystabby · 22/11/2011 22:57

His mother. OMFG don't go there. She's worse.

his behaviour fits spot on with his nutty church. There's tons like him.

Oh I'm over it now, DD1 isn't going to the sleepover because I can't get her back in time to get showered and ready but she's had tons of sleepovers recently so that's not all together a bad thing, but the point needed made to him that I had plans which he and his family fucked up. And I pointed out that no baptism is organised at a week's notice and he told me he'd actually given me 9 days notice.

WTAF?

OP posts:

3littlefrogs · 22/11/2011 23:01

"9 days notice".....There is no answer to that.

I am sure I have read this sort of thing in psychiatric text book case studies.

You can't reason with a person who is completely out of touch with reality. I can't imagine anything more frustrating.

Original poster

fluffystabby · 22/11/2011 23:04

Well, I was just as bad because I said I thought it was 8 days, but he pointed out that he'd texted just before midnight on the Friday night

I can deal with it most days but he just does not get that it's anything to do with him, it's all my fault you know - it's my fault that DD1 wanted to go on a sleepover and i should say no to her - Why the fuck should I ?? It's my weekend, why should I have to jump through hoops to please his family? I should have said no. Just no. but then I'd still be the bad one.

OP posts:

Original poster

fluffystabby · 22/11/2011 23:07

Oh and he has no control over when his family organise these things - fair comment but FFS it's someone's birthday in the middle of the week, there's ALWAYS a family dinner, the date of the birthday doesn't change, sorry I can't do that weekend that's Fluffy's weekend to have the girls can we shift it to the weekend before or after or whatever?

Oh no, he expects me to give up my time with them to accommodate him and his family.

And I know this is a bad example because it's a baptism and that really is a one off family thing, but I can't do this for the next however many years I really can't. Whatever I do I'm in the wrong. All the time.

Damn I need to see the Upgrade.

I'm not mad. I'm not a bad person. None of this is my fault or my responsibility.

OP posts:

SmellslikeDEMONcatspee · 24/11/2011 11:34

he'd texted just before midnight on the Friday night

WHF....

The boy needs help, seriously

Original poster

fluffystabby · 24/11/2011 12:35

He's always been like that - very accurate to the point of being a pita.

I guess I'm used to it.

OP posts:

suburbophobe · 27/11/2011 00:51

What a mindf*ck he is.....you have my full sympathies.

O.k. It's a baptism, so a one-off, but in future you should just hold your ground "Sorry, no can do". Why should you have to organise your life to accommodate him? He's not an ex for nothing.

But yea, I can see with the Monday morning thing it's tricky.

unacceptablebehaviour · 27/11/2011 17:40

He's being ridiculous, my dd happily takes a sweet bag to and from school on the days shes with her Dad and knows to pack everything from each house and take to and fro. No probs ever with this so it can be done. None of her friends have ever questioned it and she has never done so either.

Could you do the pick up/ drop off and brazen your way in to the house to collect stuff. Of course you'd have to remember to always return everything too.

Flip

1 2 3