trying to compromise with baby's dad :( help!!

[MummySunshine]

Hi all,

I'm 18 weeks pregnant - and not with my baby's father (we were never together). My main problem right now (and believe me there are many others) is that me and BF have had a discusson about arrangements when the baby's born and reached a brick wall. He's left me feeling unsure as to whether I'm being unreasonable or not, but I strongly feel like I haven't done anything wrong.

I mentioned to him that when the baby is small, i.e unable to tell me about his or her day, that I'd like to know who's spending time with them while they're under his care. As much as I don't get along with him I've always been sure to include him in the pregnancy, inviting him to scans and keeping him updated as well as buying a car seat and cot for him to have as he's more concerned about spending money on his new car that he bought 'with the baby's best interests at heart'.

He kicked off about this, and said he refuses to be 'checked up on' and that I should trust him and his friends, and that I'm being nosey and selfish. I've tried to explain to him that it has nothing to do with me trusting him or his friends, that I'm not accusing him of being irresponsible, I just think I deserve as a mother to know who is spending time with my baby.

If he really point blank refuses to do this, I'm going to feel uncomfortable leaving my baby with him, and it's getting me so distraught (pregnancy hormones prob not helping). If this was to go to court, what are mine and his rights concerning access? I'm under the impression that the mother has most rights, I would never want to deny my child of a father, but would it be possible if I felt it necessary to insure supervised visits between him and the child? This is not at all what I wanted, but I feel if he won't cooperate he leaves me with no choice. Am I really being unreasonable? I feel that I'm only taking an interest in my babys life.

Thanks

S x

It doesn't sound like this was a planned pregnancy (sorry OP if I'm assuming wrongly) so it would be fair to say that both Mum and Dad have to come to terms with the situation and BOTH are entitled to their feelings/reactions.

Given the enormous amount of things that will have to be discussed and sorted out in terms of shared parenting, perhaps this issue of who the baby is going to 'be with' isn't the number one priority? Even if your motives are entirely innocent, OP, you must be able to see how easily such a demand could be interpreted as controlling and intrusive - particularly raised so far in advance.

Much better to focus on your own health and well-being for now.

Oh and AmberLeaf* Next time you want to talk to me I suggest you answer my questions Otherwise STFU.

I think YABU.

Yes, it is your baby, but it is also HIS baby. Do you intend on breifing him on everyone your baby 'forms a bond with'? He has as much right to parent his child with the same freedoms that you do, and even as the mother, you do not have the right to add these sorts of restrictions onto his time with your LO: they are unfounded. Rest assured, should this man prove to be incompetent and or a dangerous parent, then you would have the support mot MNers, and of restricting access, but to be so demanding before even being given the opportunity to care for his own child?

If you were not prepared to co-parent with this man, you should have considered this before sleeping with him.

Flissfloss I missed your last deleted post.

Once again, the OP has not been 'left while pregnant' she was not in a relationship with the babies dad [as stated in her OP]

Ask a question that is relevant to the thread and not just your personal circumstances and i'll answer you.