Anyone feel stigmatised about being a SAH single mother?

[hammerhead]

Just wondering if anyone else feels stigmatised about being a SAH mum on income support? DS is preschool and a lot of people seem surprised I don't have a job. I get the impression they think I'm on jobseekers and actively avoiding employent. I'll be quite happy to work when DS is in school but want to stay at home when he is still little. I worked before DS was born and have paid a lot of tax over the years, but some people still make out like I'm a scrounging chancer.

Actually, after paying for a CM (going by the only unsocial hours CM costing I can find) and bills etc, I'll have precisely £8 left to feed me, two Dc's and any other thing that might need paying. How is that not living in poverty?

Or are you not living in poverty if you pay your bills first?

I stand corrected. I presume from that solo that the children's father isn't contributing.

Would you be able to afford to live benefits, and not have childcare costs? That's truly amazing to me.

It shouldn't be that way. People should always be better off working.

I was sure that the benefits system is now geared to expect parents to work after their child is seven but I may have misunderstood that.

Hairylights, It was 7, but from the end of this year changes to 5...Dd is 5 on Boxing Day...typical!

Her father gives a small contribution, Ds's father does not and never has and the CSA can't find him apparently.

My job (public sector) are (apparently) also going to be taking an extra £80pcm for pension contributions, so that will mean...I have no money and will be charged bank charges for being overdrawn each month!!! it just goes on!

I'm on benefits atm, and yes I do struggle big time, but at least I have £30 a week to feed us on and I'm bringing up my kids myself.

And yes, it should pay you to go to work. I'd always worked and earned and paid taxes from age 16 until I was 43. My first job gave me a net annual income of £1,820. I've worked my way up in various jobs to the salary I stopped at in 2007. Funnily enough, I had a better standard of living in 1980 than I do now. How sad is that? and I can't be alone in this surely?!
I don't drink, smoke, go out very often, buy mags, clothes... nothing! I'm very boring apparently! but I was willing to sacrifice the only treat I had (nails done once a month) in order to be a SAHM for just a while...

when I worked as a single mum, I was entitled to these benefits
£40 child tax credit
£75 per week working tax credits
£85 per week child care allowance
£18 per week child benefit
£25 off my council tax per month
total £243
I was also entitled to some housing benefit and council tax benefit however didn't claim.
my added bills to being on benefits were
£75 a week rent
£112 a week child care
£20 a week council tax
£50 a week travel costs
£10 a week school meals
£20 a week my meals
total £287
when I had to leave my job as I couldn't afford food, the benefits I recieved then were
£25 per week council tax benefit
£75 per week housing benefit
£60 per week income support
£18 per week child benefit
£40 per week child tax credits
total £208
To be fair not much difference on any but I suppose a deficit of £40 per week when your working can make all the difference,

I think you just have to try to respond assertively to snide remarks and try very hard not to give a toss. don't lose sleep over what right wing nutjobs think or don't think, they're not worth it. You're a mother; that is a full time job. why should it be reserved purely for those who are married?

and for what it's worth as a married sahm i've lost count of the amount of shitty remarks i've had about my decision; the last one was from the fecking health visitor!

It seems we all get it in the neck! I'm not married but I am living with my partner. My baby is due in January . I am already being looked down upon because I will take "only" six months maternity leave and mr hairy will be a sahd.

It seems women can't win whatever their circumstances.

Oh and this article was on another thread www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/aug/19/single-mothers-uk-riots-tanya-gold i do hope you all get a chance to read through it entirley :)