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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Pregnant and single. Anyone else?

54 replies

Fab123 · 03/04/2011 07:43

Feeling a bit lonely this morning. Woke up at 5:30am and felt completely alone. Not the first time, but as my body is changing i'm getting some (hopefully irrational!) thoughts about how this is the last time my body will look vaguely youthful and how I won't know if anything has, ahem, changed down there until someone actually wants to touch me again. Which may well be some time! I think I just woke up really wanting to be held and in need of a hug and some affection. Any solutions for this weepy moobag?

OP posts:

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Original poster

Fab123 · 04/04/2011 18:42

I pointed out that if she has his big ears she is just as likely to get bullied for that. Nowt you can do apart from teach them how to deal with it if it happens. He didn't like that very much .
Yes PM me :)

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Jellykat · 04/04/2011 19:51

Just popping in ladies to say 'Good on you all!'

I was you, 22 years ago.

DS1s dad did the 'its me or the baby' line, you can guess my answer! He wasn't at the birth, not on Birth Certificate, threatened me if i told the CSA who he was- my life wouldn't be worth living etc etc

To ignore him and just get on with it, was the best decision i ever made, of course there were tough times, but the instinct to protect my baby kept me going through it all with avengeance.
I loved the fact it was just me and my boy, i didn't have to think about anyone else

DS1 is a sweetheart, doing a degree, happy, looks after his girlfriends, talks to me about anything and everything, hilarious sense of humour etc. and the lack of Father hasn't affected him, we have discussed it many times..

I just wanted you all to know of a positive outcome to your situations, from the otherside. Good luck to you all!

VioletV · 04/04/2011 20:09

Jellycat Thank you for that (wicked name by the way)

And good on you for raising a decent gentleman.

Jellykat · 04/04/2011 20:17

Original poster

Fab123 · 04/04/2011 20:48

Here here! We need more decent men Jellycat. Have more or go into training for women with ds's! Thanks for that :)

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NurseSunshine · 04/04/2011 22:02

Fab and Violet you and your daughers are WAAAYYY better off without those dickheads, sending you photos of drowned children?? WTF??

I feel the same about just wanting X to piss of and never have to see him again but for all I know he might be a great father. I doubt it but I feel like I have to give him that chance, first time he fucks up and he's out.

Jellykat thanks for your input, it's great to know that not having a father around doesn't have to mean a messed up kid, you were obviously a fab mum :)

VioletV · 04/04/2011 22:20

Nurse Good on you for giving the chance. I would have tried but after everything this fella has done he over used his chances 100x over. Jellycat is right just because a child doesn't have two parents doesn't mean they'll be messed up. It always amazes me to see people say that. I guess they never grew up in broken homes and have no flippin idea. I actually find it highly insulting when people say that.

Anyways good luck to you Nurse I'm offski x

Jellykat · 04/04/2011 22:36

Oh i'm much too old to have anymore (47), i'll leave the next generation of boys' in your capable hands!

It's not so much me being a fab mum, i'm convinced it's because DS1 didn't have a dad forgetting his Birthday, canceling contact at the last minute etc.. DS2 (13) has had really erratic contact with his dad, and he's definitely an angrier boy...

Better to have no dad, then a really crap dad, but yes Nurse worth giving it a go.. Good luck x

ladylola24 · 04/04/2011 23:58

feeling a bit sorry for myself all day today, tough in work. Have my first scan tomorrow and not a dickybird from the ex

ladylola24 · 05/04/2011 00:01

FAB Ophelia is a lovely name

Original poster

Fab123 · 05/04/2011 09:39

Ladyl do you want him there? It's a truly amazing experience and you can see more than you'd think. I hope you have someone to go with you - mum, sister, best friend? Thinking of you and look forward to hearing how it went :)

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NurseSunshine · 05/04/2011 13:27

Try and get someone to go with you lola, someone who will be excited and appreciate it, if your ex doesn't.
My second scan, ex got there late, moaned about the queue, shouted at me and then left me in tears in a crowded waiting room and stormed out.
My last scan I asked my mum and best friend to come and guess what, no-one made me cry! We all had a lovely time seeing my little girl on the screen and it was a totally stress free experience.

Don't let him ruin such a wonderful experience for you :)

Original poster

Fab123 · 05/04/2011 13:39

Poor you Nurse :( My ex left the day after I (he never offered a penny) paid for the 16wk 3D scan to find out the sex. He kept saying "bloody three lines" - as the sonographer kept on saying how it was clearly a girl due to them. He had joked before that if it was a girl he would just have to love it less than he would a boy....well, I had thought it was a joke anyway. The 20 week scan I went to with a girl friend and it was much nicer. She was really thrilled to be there as she hadn't seen a scan before :)
Hope it went well. X

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ladylola24 · 06/04/2011 20:16

scan went well baby is doing good, it was pretty amazing actually. I had my housemate there and he had tears in his eyes he said :)

Original poster

Fab123 · 06/04/2011 20:55

Aw! That sounds familiar! Glad it went well and you went with someone. Hope you have been enjoying the sunshine today?

My ex announced this morning via email that he wants nothing more to do with either me or the baby. This was after a brief convo about maintenance last night...no great surprise there! So I've decided enough is enough and I won't let him stress me out any more. He's been swinging between contact and none ever since he left so now I've decided just to ignore him. I have 2 emails from him clearly stating he feels it is for the best and therefore he has made his choice. No more contact from me Mr!

Actually feel relieved about it all, and it looks like the weather is going to mirror my mood :)

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recoveringmuppet · 06/04/2011 21:22

I am 55 years of age. Became a single mum when I was 17 years old! After giving birth to dd, met a man when I was 19 years old who I subsequently married. I now have 3 (fabulous) children, 5 (wonderful) grandchildren and a loving husband. Life doesn't end when you become a single mum. It's the start of a new journey that can bring so much pleasure. Just stay positive and enjoy every day with your dc.

VioletV · 07/04/2011 20:20

Fab123 Good on ya missy. Sod him. I hope he doesn't change his mind again and do what my fuckwit of an ex is doing...

Recovering This was the first thought I had when he left me. That I was damaged goods and no decent bloke will want me. We shall see how it goes once I give birth but I am determined to lose every lb of fat just so I look good for me and that he can never say I let myself go or anything like that. Grr I'm so angry everytime I think about it. I want this guy to suffer the way I have done for the last few months grrrr!

Loobyloo1902 · 09/04/2011 14:31

Late arrival on the thread but wanted to chuck in my tuppence worth. I've just had my daughter a week ago (father took a wander off at eight weeks) and I can hardly begin to tell you how amazing it feels to hold my little girl. I am totally in love with her and the lack of a partner, just now, is absolutely fine. In fact some of my friends with partners are a bit envious that we don't have to share the love!

I appreciate that we have a long way to go but if anyone's having a bad day, you have something really fantastic to look forward to.

Now we're going to put on some Stevie Wonder and have a dance in the garden for the afternoon!

Crystyclear · 11/04/2011 11:19

was single throughout my pregnancy too and now sitting here with a gurgling, gorgeous ten week old.

DS is wonderful and such a joy.

Original poster

Fab123 · 11/04/2011 23:01

Thanks guys - it does really help to have encouragement "from the other side" so to speak ;)
Feeling happier, especially now the sun is shining.

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NurseSunshine · 13/04/2011 13:24

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter Loobyloo And your son Crysty :)

Recovering well done, it must have been an even more daunting prospect as a 17 year old!

Fab glad you're feeling better. Sounds like you and baby are better of without X, if he can't even handle the thought of maintenance.

I had a bit of a cry in front of a friend yesterday which was a bit embarrassing. It's nice to hear that other people are doing it solo :)

Original poster

Fab123 · 13/04/2011 23:47

Oh Nurse I hope you are feeling better. It's very tough when you don't want to keep banging on about it all the time but it rarely leaves your head!
Feel free to vent on here. I think we can all do with letting off steam to people. I for one live alone and so my friends have been great, but at the same time I'm wary of boring them or becoming someone they dread seeing if I keep talking about the situation. I do think it is important to get it all of the (ever expanding) chest though :)
Speaking of which I went to get measured today and have gone up to a 34F! Oh how I wish the ex knew he was missing out on those bad boys
Thanks again to everyone for your support. Lovely to hear from such happy single mummies!

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NurseSunshine · 14/04/2011 17:27

Thanks Fab I am OK, I don't know what came over me really, I feel OK about being on my own most of the time but sometimes it all gets a bit much. I'm mainly worried about the first bit, the sleepless nights, learning how to breastfeed, feeling like a zombie bit. My mum is coming to the birth and will stay a couple of days but she doesn't live in the same city as me and has a lot on so I'll be on my own after that. Feels a bit daunting!

I've gone from a 32E to 36G!! And apparently they're only going to get bigger! Eeep

Original poster

Fab123 · 14/04/2011 18:39

I know exactly what you mean - the first few weeks scare me a lot too. I watched the Cherry Healy breast feeding prog on BBC iPlayer last night and it had me worried a bit as I want to try to breast feed in the day and bottle at night but not had any talks/info on it yet. Hoping the antenatal courses will cover that or maybe the MW...I think the main thing is worrying that I haven't asked the right questions or I've forgotten something, where most people have the guy there as a back up calendar/diary/helper. I, like you, don't have any family close. My mum died a few years ago and although my dad is in the same County, he's far away and not really a baby person! So friends are my main resource atm!

Put the cot up on my own the other day though and the nursery is looking half done, which is great to see. I'd recommend stuff like that to give you a boost :)

OP posts:

VioletV · 15/04/2011 10:27

Morning ladies :-)Hope you're all well?! Sorry Fab, I've been here, there and everywhere. How are things your end? Has anyone bought their pram yet? I'm picking mine up tomorrow so excited! So far today I have managed to blow the fuse in my car so now my cig lighter doesn't work meaning my satnav is screwed. mehh!

Any plans for the weekend? xx

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