Pregnant and single. Anyone else?

[Fab123]

Feeling a bit lonely this morning. Woke up at 5:30am and felt completely alone. Not the first time, but as my body is changing i'm getting some (hopefully irrational!) thoughts about how this is the last time my body will look vaguely youthful and how I won't know if anything has, ahem, changed down there until someone actually wants to touch me again. Which may well be some time! I think I just woke up really wanting to be held and in need of a hug and some affection. Any solutions for this weepy moobag?

Fab, you'll never be completely alone again. You'll get unconditional love from your little one and an opportunity to meet lots of other new mums and make new friends. My eldest is 13 now but when I was pregnant I met some other new mums from an NCT post natal group. I didn't join the NCT or do their classes (because they weren't running them in the summer so clearly I got pregnant at an inconvenient time of year!) but they organised a group of 6 who were due within a month or so of each other and we began meeting at a facilitator's house. We continued to meet weekly and at each others' houses as the pregnancies continued and then when the babies started to arrive and now 14 years later one of those mums is my best friend and her second child is best friends with my DD2.

I admit though that a kiss and a cuddle from a little person is not quite the same as a man's arms around you. I survived for years on mini hugs and kisses even while living with their dad as he didn't do affection, just sex . I have a lovely DP now though and sometimes I just stand there and we just hold each other because I love doing that.

Happy mothers day to you, fab, I hope you're feeling a bit brighter now.

Thanks lilac. Happy Mothers Day to you too :)

Yeah I'm pregnant and single too. How many weeks are you? I'm 25. I'm very alone. I'm living inbetween houses and just found out I was left for another woman.

Whereabouts are you?

Hi Violet, I'm in Kent.
Sorry to hear about your situ. Men can be so detached from the whole process, can't they? Are you still in touch?
Having good and bad days. Saddest thing for me is feeling that no one will care about kicks/bubs as much as I do. Think I just want a man hug, to be told I look gorgeous even when preggers and to feel secure for a little bit. Best bit is thinking no one else will be making up or changing rules - when she's trying to learn routines etc. Plus, no one to feel fat in front of or get sulky when you cry for no reason :)

Sorry - i'm just under 25 weeks - due July 19th. What are the chances!

I hear you on everything. I have the long story but I'm moving to Kent end of June! I have to be so careful what I say on here as the ex is very controlling and I'm pretty certain he's about spying on me to use in court...

Have you got family near you? Mine all live abroad.
Vxx

Blimey! We'll have to keep in touch - going to be hectic for you moving so late on! If you're anywhere near E.Kent perhaps we could meet up and have a good chin wag :) Or maybe help you move...although I don't drive!
My mum died in 2005, dad lives in West Kent (but we're not that close really, although he'd be there if I really needed anything) and i'm an only child...so I feel pretty alone too. Friends are great but sometimes you feel you need that extra connection. Today is a bit horrid too as everyone is off with their families doing Mothers Day stuff.
Think i'll wander off out into the (semi)sunshine and have a long walk. You got plans for today?

I was where you are and I have to say things got so much better emotionally AFTER the birth. I still wonder if pre- natal depression is a recognised medcal condition that went untreated in my case - I was all over the place, especially after I had to finish work.

You'll never feel this vulnerable again, as it is truly the most hormonal and vulnerable time of any woman's life. Make it through till the child is 6 months old and you'll understand exactly what I mean. Soon you'll have a new respect for your body too as you are able to hold your child and think "I did that!". It really is a miracle, I see my stretch marks as marks of honour as they show what an amazing being I produced : )

DS was so amazing that he gave me the emotional strength I felt I lacked. I also ran out of hours in the day to dwell, by the time I'd done coping with the day's practicalities. Meeting other Mums in the same situation also helped big time.

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING in life will ever give you the same buzz as a big grin ang hug from your toddler trying to wake you up on a Sunday morning!

I'm not sure where my bearings are in Kent but I'm going to be very near Darftord if that helps? How old are you and is this your first? I'm 28 and first and last baby for me lol

Sorry to hear about your mum.

I'm going to grab lunch somewhere with my friend. No idea where we'll go as everywhere will be packed. x

Ah bochead that means a lot. Ex has said a few times "there's only so much you can blame on hormones" when I've been upset or angry, which, considering he buggered off at 16 weeks I think I have been justified in feeling. Some of my friends who are pregnant with partners get away with soooooooo much (door (slamming/rages/shouting matches/evil asides/smashing things) in comparison! Means a lot to hear that my emotions will settle down as it's felt like a long slog already. But I am enjoying it and can't wait to meet bubs.
Thanks for the support :)

I'm 29 and this is also my first - we've so much in common! I'm further East than you in Kent, but still, if you feel lonely or anything and fancy a trip to the beach Whitstable is nice and that's near me :)
Right, I'm off out to walk about and try not to buy anything in town! x

That is weird! My best friend is moving to margate soon wonder if that near you too? Likewise on the lonely front. Have a nice walk x

Pah to your ex! In DECENT men the sight of the woman growing with their child brings out the protective instinct. My BIL said he felt he needed to "man up and guard the cave", (to be honest he got on my sister's nerves with all his over protective fussing).

From a purely Darwinian viewpoint though it makes far more sense than abandonment. He's substandard in his hormonal response - NOT YOU!

Another pregnant singleton here. I'm 29 weeks, ex left me at 9 weeks and has been pretty much absent ever since apart from turning up periodically to upset me and get my blood pressure nice and high I know what you mean Fab about wanting someone else to care about the baby as much as you do, it'd just be nice to have someone to share it all with wouldn't it.

Happy Mother's Day to us all :)

Another one ... 24 1/2 weeks and in London. I have good and bad days. I bought myself flowers and a cake for Mothers Day. It felt kind of empowering!

Ladies ((hug)).

and another ten weeks, just broke up with the boyfriend today. He has been bullying me to have an abortion and said that it was him or the baby. He takes no responsibility and just succeeds in upsetting me everytime we speak. Oh and today he suggested if I wouldn't have an abortion...maybe I would consider adopting the baby......

Hello ladies .
Sorry to see there are so many of us :( But nice for us all to know we're not going through this alone I think.
Like the idea of the cake Darling I did similar and bought myself a yum-yum (never tried before), a jam doughnut and some Reversy Percy's from M&S today for a complete pig out. One of the things my ex used to say was about me getting fat when pregnant, so I enjoy the feeling of defiance and yes, it felt empowering.

Everyone keeps on saying I'm better off without him. Which i'm sure I am in a way - if he can't stick it now he'd be hopeless with sleepless nights when the baby arrives for example, and it's better to know now than when we're tired and stressed when the baby is actually here. In other ways it I can't shake the feeling he just needs to grow up. Yes, that is probably all part of why it's better for him NOT to be on the scene, but other people keep saying things like when he holds the baby he'll feel differently, which makes me wonder. But then, isn't that a bad reason to get back together? I don't think I want him back but worry that if he offered I'd feel obliged so that my daughter has a shot at a real family. And already i'm disgusted at myself for typing that .

I guess what i'm trying to say (badly) is that my emotions are all over the place and while I spent nearly two months being furious and defensively biting back at any emails/texts from him, it's been spiked with feelings of rejection, loneliness, confusion and insecurity as well as defiance and independence. Not a good combination when you are trying to make life changing choices or keep communication going.

Are you guys going to keep in touch with the father/allow visiting rights etc? My ex has said he won't be in the country for another winter but then hints at the fact I can change his mind, so it's hard for me to know where I stand.

Let's all have a

And ladylola your ex sounds like a fucktard too, welcome to the club.
Your body, your baby, your choice.
My exes second sentence when he split was "If you weren't pregnant I'd carry on going out with you, you know?"
FFS. We were actively trying for a child you moron!
Besides, my single friends seem to actively attract decent men. I think it is something about the ready made child that brings the men who have a nurturing instinct out of the woodwork.
That and the fact they know you can probably cook

Just dropping in as a single mum of now 6-year-old to say: if your XPs are just a bit immature and selfish then they may grow up and become pleasant co-parents in time ie you will probably never want them back as partners, but it's possible to have an amicable co-parenting relationship with them. My DS dad bailed out when I was PG (completely unplanned PG, bloke and I were oold drinking buddies, not dating each other) but came back when DS was born and has been a good dad ever since, though there is not and never will be a couple-relationship between him and me.

Whoever's got the stalky tosspot of an XP, get in touch with Women's Aid who will be able to help and advise you on keeping him away from you.

Hello, just to say that 18 months ago I started a thread a bit like this, and was joined by lots of other single mums-to-be...Definitely, definitely it gets better! I absolutely agree with the existence of ante-natal depression; I spent a lot of time on the floor curled up into a ball and weeping! I never got PND, I think...It's definitely a hard time to be alone, but since DS was born, I've felt more and more myself, happy to be on my own with him, and more able to cope. Also, my body doesn't look too bad, you know....pretty much the same as before (albeit after 6 months of dieting!). My boobs aren't as bad as I feared- just a little bit saggier, and my arms and legs are definitely shapelier than before, on account of carrying a wriggling 20lb weight everywhere! (Although as for "down below", I have to confess that I STILL haven't even dared to look!)

Darling that's ace, I never even thought of buying myself anything for mother's day! I was too caught up feeling sorry for myself that I won't recieve anything from baby until she's about 12 and can buy it herself since I won't have a partner to buy it for her. Your way of thinking is much more positive and strong :)

Ladylola Sorry your ex is such a twat, ((((hugs)))) to you.

Fab imo betting back together "for the sake of the child" is the worse thing you could do. A child is always better of having one parent that's happy aone than two who are unhappy and arguing etc.

Hopefully all our exes will step up and be interested, involved fathers, if not it sounds like everyone on here will be a fabulous mum :)

Nurse I know what you say is true, deep down. I think it's mainly because he's been trying to blame me for his decision since he left I feel a bit guilty. He actually recently admitted that I did nothing wrong and that it was because we hadn't been together very long that he bailed. Which is fair enough, he's obviously not a strong enough male to raise a child with and I'll be buggered if I'm going to waste my PG trying to "convince" him.

As it is we're being civil for now but I very much doubt he will be in the country to co-parent with.

Jeez, I'd give ANYTHING to have an ex who would piss off and not be interested. Or even jump ship and move abroad. This wankstain is making my life hell.

Fab My ex used to tell me how fat I was getting (size 8-10) He would tell me I needed to dye my hair or wax my top lip. He made me feel like a bag of shit and tbh I'm a good looking girl who was made to feel like shit under a shoe for so long. I'll never forget the way I lost my dignity and begged him not to leave me and bring the baby up into a broken home. He couldn't have cared less. Now he's had a change of heart, He's making my life difficult and demanding stuff.It's ok for him to change his mind and fuck my life up he can just walze back in and tell me what's going to happen!!

Seriously, I wish he would die or something. I honestly couldn't have felt any lower and of course he too blamed me for everything except like I said yesterday, the truth finally came out. He left me for another woman. And the insulting thing? I'm better looking and thinner 6 months PG!!

Oh I too wasn't allowed to have hormonal swings as his lordship control freak wouldn't allow it and he just couldn't cope....

Wow Violet, he sounds like such a catch!
Actually reading that, he does sounds remarkably similar (mine suggested I get highlights "or something to sort out your hair" shortly before leaving). I'm a size 10, not exactly unattractive myself , have my own mortgage free house, savings and lots of friends (thankfully!) and he is now apparently back tracking too. He said this morning via email that his "worst fear is reaching old age alone and having to work all hours. I don't even have a house!" How I laughed! He had a chance to have a financially secure home and a family and decided he would rather try for something better. Seems he's realised it's pretty unlikely. I had to reply, "I know I'm in a very lucky situation here. I'm sure that when your daughter is 21 and I can give her her own house she'll let you sofa surf :) " That felt pretty good. As I said he seems to be hinting that I can change his mind about leaving. Not going to bother there! I figure if I just stay civil and calm, he'll bugger off and leave me to it. He's also tried to do the whole "I have rights" bollocks and made such a fuss over me calling her Ophelia - nasty spiteful emails, for e.g he sent me a picture of a drowned child, said I would be to blame when she got bullied at school or drowned as I was a bad mother already for choosing such a name, she would be a chav who didn't know any Shakespeare or manically depressed because she knew too much Shakespeare...all because he wanted to call her Pixie. WTF? It showed me what lengths he would go to to get his own way. All I keep doing is thinking about him buggering off and not having any further say. Oh I might tell him she's doing whatever odd thing he might come up with to exercise his "right" but as far as I'm concerned he left that at the door when he walked out.

Oh it feels good to get angry again :)

Aww are you having a girl too? Bless me too :) I'm very surprised my ex hasn't demanded to pick her name lol How dare your ex tell your name will have her bullied. What an utter arsehole. It's a lovely name. My ex doesn't know I'm having a girl and I'm not planning on telling him either!Infact I've been making out it's a boy. Oh mine is doing the I have rights too. I think you and me are wayyyy too in the same situation here I'll pm you my email and we can talk offline as I can't post too much on here.

My ex is self employed and earns good money no doubt he;ll hide it all and pretend he earns sod all. I'm lucky enough to work in the city and earn good enough money to support myself and soon to be mini me!

I'd rather have him fully out of the picture than have his money. But I have a plan.....

Oh and I totally agree with you on the he lost his righst the day he walked. Rock on there.