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Lone parents

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Original poster

Feeling really low and totally rejected

27 replies

littlelamb · 20/10/2005 21:05

I have been having a bad couple of weeks and in the last few days everyhting has just got too much for me to cope with. I sent some pictures to dd's father, and his mum, who is usually lovely,and have recieved no reply. I am totally exhausted, but can't sleep, I have lost weight when I know I really can't afford to and I am having arguements with my bf for no reason For the first time, I am beginning to wish I hadn't had my dd, and that just makes me feel worse. How am I suposed to do this on my own I really can't see how I can carry on like this. I can't explain how I feel or why I feel it and that really scares me. I feel so frustrated that he won't even acknowledge that he has a beautiful daughter I am feeling totally worthless

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startingtobehalloweenylover · 20/10/2005 21:07

oh littlelamb have you spoken to them to see if they actually got the pictures? maybe they got lost in the post?

motherinferior · 20/10/2005 21:09

Hey, hey, hang on. There is probably a reason why she hasn't replied yet. You have a baby AND a course to hold down - it's a hell of a lot. And you are doing it. Which makes you anything but worthless. You need to take the weight stuff seriously - and you are. You're doing bloody well.

Original poster
littlelamb · 20/10/2005 21:11

It was an email so I know they got them - they check them religiously. I don't know whats suddenly got into me but I am crying all the time, and I am desperate for my bf to be here with me even though I know he has other commitments. I really don't want to be on my own

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startingtobehalloweenylover · 20/10/2005 21:13

aww it's probably stress... any chance you could have a few days away together? or even just at home together without having to go to work etc?

meggymoo · 20/10/2005 21:14

Message withdrawn

FrumpyGrumpy · 20/10/2005 21:15

Littlelamb you and your dd are a team. Its fab you think of them to send the pictures but if they don't reply (and they might still its early days) it actually doesn't matter. You are being the very best YOU can and thats the important thing. Be kind to yourself and know that as a mum you are responsible for all her smiles, all her chubbiness, all her lovely clothes, all the fantastice things she does, she does because she's learned from you and takes after you. You know she's beautiful and thats important - she feels loved by you. A whole somebody is worth more that a couple of halves.

Original poster
littlelamb · 20/10/2005 21:17

I don't think so. I feel like I'm getting behind on my course. I have missed a seminar two weeks running now because dd has been ill, so I guess that's my first out the window I think its hard for my bf to understand tbh. I was crying, just exhausted yesterday evening, but he still left to go to his social, which I know is a commitment he has made, but I would never leave someone in the state I was in. I'm worrieed it means I'm too much for him to handle

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startingtobehalloweenylover · 20/10/2005 21:18

well said frumpygrumpy!

littlelamb FG is right... your ex and his mum are the silly ones in all this... they are the ones missing out on your gorgeous dd!
you're doing the absolute best you can
how are you supposed to do it on your own? you aren't! you have your bf... you have US! (poor you!) and you ARE doing it

startingtobehalloweenylover · 20/10/2005 21:19

what course are you on? could you take a short break? are they aware of what's going on at home? have you had a good talk with your bf?

FrumpyGrumpy · 20/10/2005 21:21

You sound similar to me when I had my dd. I had (and still have) a dp but he works away about 5 days in 7. I doubted my capability as a mum (maybe PND too) until I got more back from her around 18-20 months. Since then we've gone from strength to strength. Now I have two more (DTs) and have doubted my capabilities all over again. Its my dd that gets me through now. She's 4.5 and utterly a BF. Keep going honey, you're doing fine.

Original poster
littlelamb · 20/10/2005 21:21

Frumpy, that is lovely, you made me cry! I don't want to ring them. I told him it was his responsibility to ask from now on if he wanted to know about dd, and since he hasn't asked I guess he doesn't want to know. But the pictures were gorgeous so I thought he'd like to see them. As for insomnia, its pretty chronic for me, to the extent that I was prescriubed temazepam when I was pregnant DD's just been having really broken nights, and she's always been a good sleeper, so its come as quite a shock. My mind just won't go to sleep, I am forever worried about how I am going to finish my essay, pay my rent, the list is endless. My mind is never at peace

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Original poster
littlelamb · 20/10/2005 21:23

I'm in my last year of studying english. I can't take a break because financially I wouldn't be able to cope without my loan

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startingtobehalloweenylover · 20/10/2005 21:27

littlelamb, what i do when i get worried over things is make a list

write down each problem... and then in another column write how it's going to be sorted and when

i often used to get really overwrought over lots of little things which in themselves weren't that bad... but together jsut seemed insurmountable

Original poster
littlelamb · 20/10/2005 21:32

Thats a good idea. BUt a lot of what I worry about isn't really MY problem. I worry about my friends, I worry about feeling so unable to do anything about dd's dad. My parents have told me I cna't come home for christmas, so there is the issue of what I'm going to do then, which is worrying me already (can you tell I'm a worrier?!) I shall certainly make a list of the practical stuff though, thanks for the tip x

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FrumpyGrumpy · 20/10/2005 21:34

Aw, glad I could help in some way.

I know exactly that feeling of sleep. I used to find myself horribly awake around 3/4am and wonder why when I was sooo exhausted. Now I'm woken throughout the night by somebody (DTs are only 15 months, teething and ill). I think your insomnia is totally down to worrying (apart from the broken nights with illness). The good news is that if you can try to see that each problem with dd is going to be different by the following week it will release some of it. I try to get through the dodgy teething nights when I'm wakened every hour or so by reminding myself of a good spell previously and saying to myself that it will come back, its just a moment. I look out the window and think of everyone else who is walking the floor with their babes or those who have just had one and are feeding round the clock and know I'm not alone.

You sound to me like you are doing an amazing job of being a mother and committing yourself to your course as well - this is no easy thing.

Keep looking at your achievements (getting you both up and out of a day is an achievement) and when the day is over forget about it, it won't happen again.

startingtobehalloweenylover · 20/10/2005 21:37

don't worry about dd's dad... like i say it's HIS problem... he is the one missing out.

Original poster
littlelamb · 20/10/2005 21:41

it's so hard to let it go though. I know there's nothing I can do aout it, that's what makes me so mad. It doesn't take much just to send a quick note to say the pictures were nice. I really thought I'd reached a point where I didn't care, but obviously not. If things don't get better in the next week I'm goinmg to go to my gp and ask for some sleeping pills just so I can get a couple of nights decent sleep. I really do feel drained, but I can't sleep at all

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FrumpyGrumpy · 20/10/2005 21:41

You have enough on your plate just to worry about you. Let them worry about them, they have friends and family. YOU are keeping alot together by yourself and thats a big thing. Pat yourself on the back for what you are doing. If dd has to have Christmas with you alone then make it a fun one for two. It actually doesn't have to be much different than most other days. You'd like it to be different, so would I, but I'm settling for a couple of pressies, the normal routine, an early night and some telly thrown in somewhere. Who said you can't party with two. If she's old enough let her to stuff she isn't normally allowed to like eating dinner in the bath! With you! And no healthy stuff either!

Original poster
littlelamb · 20/10/2005 21:44

dinner in the bath sounds good to me

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FrumpyGrumpy · 20/10/2005 21:45

My feeling on dd's dad is that if he doesn't want to be a part of her life, you can't make him. It will only cause you more grief in the trying. Concentrate on her and you. Build your team. I'm sorry I have to go now, my DT1 is awake and crying. Will put this on a watched thread though and check on you soon. Try to imagine your worries inside a bubble, let it float up and to one side. Hold it there and think you will re-look inside it when YOU have time i.e. in the morning. x

Original poster
littlelamb · 20/10/2005 21:46

thank you x

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FrumpyGrumpy · 20/10/2005 21:47

A pleasure. I've felt exactly the same so much.

sheepgomeep · 21/10/2005 09:35

Are you sure your ex actually got the email you sent him? I know I've sent the odd email with attachments and the person on the other side has never recieved them even though the email was clearly sent. Perhaps you could send them again or phone them to make sure.

Might put your mind at rest?

take care x

FrumpyGrumpy · 25/10/2005 14:34

How things littlelamb?

Original poster
littlelamb · 25/10/2005 20:39

Hi. Feeling much the same to be honest. Sent ex more pictures, but again no reply I just don't understand why he wouldn't want to see such lovely pictures. DD is doing a lot to cheer me up though, she's started giving me proper hugs, whenevr she wants, which she's never done spontaneously before, so it is lovely Things with the bf are better I think, he's set me up on MSN so we can chat! Eating is still a abit of an issue, mainly because I don't have any money to buy decent food. But I know this can't be fixed overnight. The hardest thing is still the lack of acknowledgement from dd's dad. It hurts more than it should

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