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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

with no-one in my life, apparently it's not much of a life

30 replies

teahouse · 18/01/2011 22:17

Great, just been told by a friend that with no-one in my life (partner), apparently it's not much of a life.

I've been an LP for a decade and my Ex cheated for nearly all of our marriage - nice to be informed how useless my life has been and still is - pass me the noose!

OP posts:
TrappedinSuburbia · 18/01/2011 22:36

I can't tell you how pathetic her statement is on so many levels Angry

LittleBeaut · 18/01/2011 22:38

Christ on a bike... you sure thats a friend? Because I would never EVER say anything like that to any of my frinds, even if I secretly thought it (which I dont) as I would have a feeling it would upset her/him.

You ask me... having no partner is not a problem and doesnt mean you dont have a life, it just means you havent found 'the person' that deserved to share the life you have!! Chin up x

Spero · 18/01/2011 22:42

o for fucks sake. And what has she done with her life? Opened an orphanage? Cured Cancer? Been a half decent friend?

What a shitty thing to say. I know in my head it is not true, but sometimes it is hard not to be depressed by what seems to be a very strong message from others that if you are not coupled up, you are a lesser person.

I still believe that if you find the 'right' person it must be a wonderful way to live, to have a friend, someone on your side who understands you and loves you anyway - but of all the couples I know I am pretty sure the majority of them don't fit that category and a worrying minority are actually unhappy because of their relationships.

I hope there is a good explanation/some context for what she said otherwise I don't think you want or need people like that around you.

researchinmotion · 18/01/2011 22:52

Gawd that bad! And I thought my friends and family were crass always asking if I'd 'found myself a bloke yet' - like you're nothing without one. But actually saying the words that you don't have much of a life - some friend!

Like you I've been on my own more or less for 10 years and quite frankly I love it.

Anngeree · 18/01/2011 22:54

I find it simpler being on my own i'm perfectly content. I just haven't found the right person yet and it is for nobody else to judge.

What an insensitive comment for your friend to make.

An ex friend of mine was always trying to matchmake with several disasterous outcomes. Find out why she is an ex friend on the relationship page.

Why does everyone think that if your on your own you need a manHmm

StuffingGoldBrass · 18/01/2011 23:32

Is your friend single and therefore gullible enough to believe anti-female-freedom propaganda? Because much of the 'oh dear, it's awful to be a single woman' is propaganda designed to disguise the truth, which is that being a single woman is usually great.
Or is she in a relationship that is not much cop and therefore in desperate denial about the joys of freedom?

Oh I suppose she could be in a happy relationship, so happy that she is just witless, insensitive and thoroughly naive.

happybubblebrain · 18/01/2011 23:34

Pity the women who do men's dirty work for them i.e. propagating the myth that women are nothing without men and that they can't be happy without them. I would suspect she is jealous of you; and possibly her hubby is cheating on her (or worse).

TrappedinSuburbia · 19/01/2011 00:16

I didn't want to say, because I know some people DO find it hard on their own, but I am LOVING IT and seriously am pitying my friends that are in less than happy relationships.
And speaking purely from personnal experience, they are blooming green that I am so happy having got a fuckwit out my house!

Original poster
teahouse · 19/01/2011 17:51

This friend is a guy (and a guy I'm dating to boot).

Was a real ouch moment!

OP posts:
Spero · 19/01/2011 18:14

That's weird. I just assumed it was an unpleasant woman friend. Why on earth would someone you are dating say that? What did you say?

lololizzy · 19/01/2011 18:17

absolutely crazy. I've had happy times single and happy times in relationships (but also miserable ones in rel's) I always had more freedom to do more when single and not answering to anyone. It can be very empowering. Is her life very small? could she be jealous of you?

pickgo · 19/01/2011 18:18

OMG teahouse dump him quick!
Seriously, a guy you're dating says you've not got much of a life without a man?
... er does he mean him do you think?
Should you be feeling grateful that he is dating you, so presumably giving you a life?
FFS where do some men get off?

LittleBeaut · 19/01/2011 18:24

Do you think it was a subtle "you know this isnt going any further?" I dont understand how someone your dating can say that to you?? That is weird

gettingeasier · 19/01/2011 18:37

Eeek show him the exit quick

Agree being on my own has been a lot happier and Spero did you mean the majority of your friends ? Most of my friends are actually really unhappy in their relationships but just like I was are/will do nothing about it.

Off to google somewhere to live where being single isnt pitied and people dont say "Dont worry you will find the right person" as if thats something to aspire to Grin

aristomache · 19/01/2011 18:45

BOLLOCKS!!! I've never been more happy & contented, neither have my kids.

I have freedom, independence, a nice peaceful argument-free home, a job, my own money to do with as I please... I could go on and on.

It's a darn sight more of a life than when I in a realtionship.

happybubblebrain · 19/01/2011 18:48

I assumed it was a jealous woman. Now I know you boyfriend said it - it's even worse.

Original poster
teahouse · 19/01/2011 20:37

The context was that he was talking about his X giving him a really hard time.

He sort of said that she's being annoying and difficult because she's not got a BF.

His priceless quote is that without someone to love and love you (excluding kids), then apparently life has no meaning - although this only applies to women!

OP posts:
CubaCat · 19/01/2011 21:02

If some bloke said that to me (boyfriend or not), there would be words said and some dumping done. Sorry but he sounds like a prize ass.

Spero · 19/01/2011 22:13

gettingeasier, I do think that the majority of my friends in a relationship do have - in general- easier and more enjoyable lives but that is because they live with someone who loves them, enjoys their company, who tries to make their lives better, not worse.

But of course, you could get that from living with a friend or other relative, you don't have to be in a 'relationship' to get that, but for some reason we seem to be sold this 'ideal' that the only way to live is with a man who has sex with us. I agree this doesn't seem to be the same for men.

I don't think this is entirely down to the misogynistic hegemony. I would love to be in a happy, loving relationship BUT having been in unhappy relationships with men who didn't even seem to like me very much, let alone love me, I would NEVER chose that over being alone.

And I really hope my daughter grows up and can make that choice as well. The minority of my friends in unhappy relationships do seem to be very unhappy indeed.

Spero · 19/01/2011 22:14

teahouse - I do actually see where he is coming from. I think life is poorer, if there aren't people in it that you love and who love you back. I just wish the focus didn't seem to be entirely on husbands providing that.

Toastiewoastie · 19/01/2011 22:47

Spero, you can be loved and love in singlehood too, you know. I love DS, he loves me, I love and am loved by my DF, DB, and a couple of very dear friends.

I don't need the kind of love that comes with workshy dossers, constant put-downs, arguments, and general hassle that comes with most relationships.

Single is far better in my experience. Yes, I miss sex, but that is about the only thing I really, truly miss about being in a relationship. I just have to fight a lifetime of brainwashing which tells me I am incomplete without a man in my bed! I resent this message deeply.

pickgo · 19/01/2011 22:51

teahouse at the risk of sounding like batman (aka Anyfucker*) listen to what he is saying about his ex. It will tell you a lot about his attitude to women and how he sees them.
He sort of said that she's being annoying and difficult because she's not got a BF.
A pretty demeaning way of viewing women wouldn't you say?
Just a thought too, but bet this guy feels 'entitled' to his jollies.

StuffingGoldBrass · 19/01/2011 23:26

Oh FFS dump him. WHat he's telling you is 'You are nothing without a partner. I am here offering to be your partner so you'd better be fucking grateful and obedient.'

Trifle66 · 20/01/2011 07:15

Its lucky that you met him - now your life is complete [wink}

equinox · 20/01/2011 16:32

Since I left London and am now living in the sticks in the middle of England I am constantly amazed at how dependent people are on their man and have no other real outlets it really is quite shocking.

I guess this wanker was merely summing up what sadly the majority of the UK appears to believe that without a man we may as well not exist!

I know my relatives with whom I have distant relations with only believe I cannot be happy without one. I have been happier without my ex and would like a new partner but not just for the sake of it that would be pointless.

Not sure if this helps but unfortunately I do feel the majority of perhaps even most people on the whole planet possibly harbour the same view as this tosser.

There are a lot of unhappy people hooked up with each other for the sake of supposed security, children (a justifiable reason that one however) and thirdly dependency.