Just had a good cry standing outside the hospital.

[Darlingdamsel]

I had my booking appointment today, during which she asked me for emergency contact details. I put my mother, who lives in the States as I usually do. The midwife though kept insisting I put someone down who lives in the UK. She kept droning on about if I was admitted in an emergency and how important it would be for someone to check up on me, get me things from home and such. And I felt such a panic.

Its not like I don?t have friends (smile)? I do. And they are lovely and I am sure if I put one of them down on the form, they would do their best to help. But I also know they are really busy people ? mothers with several children, senior professionals, and plus a few others are always away on businesses. I don?t have a best girlfriend (she moved to Vienna) and oddly those I do the most with are mostly male friends, who this whole pregnancy thing is a bit overwhelming to say the least. Alas those where ?busy? doesn?t apply aren?t in London.

And it occurred to me how alone I am and lets just say that I did have an emergency, who could I call upon to drop everything to help. And then because of my damn hormones I started crying (actually I still am) that if something happened right now, no one would know. It made me feel so alone and horrible. And I am sure usually someone who is good at being pragmatic and optimistic. But not right now.

Actually I feel vulnerable, but I still don?t feel ok volunteering any and everyone to help me. I know it sounds crazy, but with my ex walking away ? I don?t want to me to become the ?needy friend?. And this pregnancy is so private I guess. Someone mentioned I really should have someone to bring to the hospital with me when the time comes and it made me feel really similar today. Its really scary and I don?t feel happy or ok with any of the solutions ? I don?t want to be alone, but I don?t want to have to call on any and everyone for help.
I just don?t know what to do. Anyone else been here?

Hi I did my pregnancy and birth alone too - though I did have my friend with me at the birth, and she was brilliant!

I would say don't worry about being a 'needy friend', if you let your friends in on your situation you will probably be surprised at the help that is offered. I was. Don't be too proud - this is a time when you will need all the support you can get.

I wish you all the best in this time, I know how hard it is. My advice would be to take help and look forwards. Once your baby is here it will be wonderful.

can you not put more than one person as an emergency contact, and then only for things like clothes etc, but not for staying with you through labour? That isn't asking too much surely? Especially if it is spread around several friends, therefore no one person is burdened?

Just to add that the feeling of getting through this type of thing on your own can be tremendously empowering. I went to all my appointments alone (split up with the dad during pregnancy) and gave birth without support (except one midwife, who was fab). Every time I think back to it I feel proud and resourceful and I use the memory to buck myself up when I'm feeling down or useless.

Re. the birth itself, whether you go it alone or have a partner or doula there, write up a thorough birth plan and make sure it gets read. OK you can't predict all eventualities but it will help to convey your wishes at a time when you're likely to be feeling a bit vulnerable.

Also don't underestimate your busy female friends. Look at all the women on mumsnet who are also busy with jobs and families and yet have the time to reach out to women (strangers!) who need support. I'm sure your friends will do their utmost to help in any way they can, even if it's just a phonecall or a chat.

Hi Darlingdamsel
I am a doula on here, and also pregnant and a single Mum.
You can search for Doulas in your area (including trainee's) at-
www.doula.org.uk/find-a-doula
HTH
Selina x