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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

argh it just isn't fair

33 replies

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 12/01/2011 23:47

I'm just having a moan.

Exp is seeing someone, doesn't help that it was someone he had a thing with when we were together years ago, but that isn't what i annoying me. what is pissing me off is that he has the opportunity to see people as and when he pleases without having to plan babysitters and fork out for them, and that he isn't spending all day looking after dcs and cleaning up after them before dragging himself into the shower before a date, when really all he feels like doing is sleeping, knowing that he can't get drunk because he si coming home to let the babysitter go and will have a night of broken sleep only to be up again at 7am and not even get a chance to text his date the next morning due to the drudgery of daily life as a lone parent.

i know, it's my problem but it pisses me off. it will never be for me like it is for him.

OP posts:

mumdevoted · 13/01/2011 01:08

'they don't have the joy or memories our children bring us.'

That is the perfect line they don't...and lets face it (which you already know guys) is that your situation's were always a possibility, regardless how great they seemed at the start. we women have a resilience like no man...

does he keep in phone contact with your little one's????

Original poster

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 01:14

no mum he doesn't. when we first separated he was phoning me late at night and texting me FBing etc. when i started to try and phase that out (because it was every night and it wasn't, obviously, at that late hour to talk to the dcs) he started phoning erlier saying he wanted to talk to them but it wasn't daily, more like weekly and he would always tell ds just to put me on the phone. he was home at xmas and saw them 4 times in 2 weeks and we haven't heard from him since.

OP posts:

isitmidnightalready · 13/01/2011 01:15

Hello Boo. It is hard making friends, and you can feel that you have nothing to talk about cause life is all drudgery.

Can you use your kids to create a social life? How old are they? If they are little, you could invite a friend of theirs over to play and ask the mum if she wants to stay for a cup of tea.

If they are a bit older, can you invite friends over for a sleepover and get the mum to stay and talk for a bit?

You definately not the only single mum in your area - you just need to find the others.

I used to live in a little village and find some excuse to visit people - the old lady next door to borrow some wool / anything really just to talk to adults and have a bit of input. I was quite broke when mine were little and so did not have everything we might need- the neighbours were delighted to help and were probably as bored as I was and glad of a visit.

Going out for a drink is probably the hardest of all to organise. Odd little visits to others in the daytime are much easier.

Good luck.

Original poster

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 01:19

they are 5 and 19 months. yes i think i just have to be very proactive about this and purposelly create the friendships.

i think going out for a drink knowing i have no dcs to come home to would be the holy grail

it just annoys me so much that he doesn't have to think of any of thsi before he goes out. he can just go and all his friends are teh same, all single men with no commitments. it makes me so cross that he can do that and i cant.

OP posts:

strongeralone · 13/01/2011 21:53

Boo, how are you feeling today?

Original poster

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 21:57

much the same really stronger. actually a bit worse because i really earnt my shitty mum award today. went back to bed for an hour after lunch with ds2 only to be woken up by the phone ringing. it was the school but i didn't answer it on time, i had slept on past the hour and was late for collecting ds1. i felt so bad, and then of course becuse tehy got no answer from me they phoned EXP (lot of use he is in england) so thenhe rang afetr i collected ds to give me a bollocking. funny how he suddenly cares after not calling for over a week. yet i am teh worst in teh world for being bloody shattered.

OP posts:

strongeralone · 13/01/2011 22:37

How dare he give you a mouthful after the way he's behaving? Has he no shame? I really hope you gave as good as you got (I would have, but that is the new me!)

Really though, don't feel bad, your body needed the rest. Like you say, he will never know how it is for you, so he has no right to give you a bollocking.

Could you change the contact details at school? Maybe to your parents and have his number down as a last resort

Original poster

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 22:54

i lied and told him i got stuck in traffic. he doesn't have any shame. as far as he is concerned he is a victim of circumstance. it isn't his fault he is in the job he is in, it isn't his fault he can't see the boys, it isn't hsi fault he doesn't call. there is always without fail and excuse that is someone else's doing to explain his action sor lack of. i gave them my gran's number and told them it was to be called first after mine so i have to fill in a new form changing teh order of who to contact.

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