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Lone parents

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Original poster

argh it just isn't fair

33 replies

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 12/01/2011 23:47

I'm just having a moan.

Exp is seeing someone, doesn't help that it was someone he had a thing with when we were together years ago, but that isn't what i annoying me. what is pissing me off is that he has the opportunity to see people as and when he pleases without having to plan babysitters and fork out for them, and that he isn't spending all day looking after dcs and cleaning up after them before dragging himself into the shower before a date, when really all he feels like doing is sleeping, knowing that he can't get drunk because he si coming home to let the babysitter go and will have a night of broken sleep only to be up again at 7am and not even get a chance to text his date the next morning due to the drudgery of daily life as a lone parent.

i know, it's my problem but it pisses me off. it will never be for me like it is for him.

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aleene · 12/01/2011 23:56

Does he not have any custody? You sound worn down by it all. Can you have an arrangement with a friends for mutual babysitting or overnight stays?

strongeralone · 13/01/2011 00:04

I know exactly what you mean Boo (except the dating part, I've only been single for 5 months and am nowhere near ready to jump on the band wagon yet).

But the whole thing pisses me off, that he has such an easy life with his ow while he has dumped every shred of responsibility on me.

Ass.

Original poster
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 00:05

no he lives in england as he is forces and i am in NI. i am worn down by it. at the minute i can't see past my day to day life. i don't have any friends who would be able to babysit. my parents do and i do ask them but because i have been out of circulation for so long, i have no friends i can just ring and say "lets's go out" any friends i do have are mums liek me and it is very rare we can synchronise our childcare. so i don't ask my parents to sit, it's a catch 22. and even if i did have a babysitter for the whole night it just wouldn't be the same as he has it. i am jealous of the life he has and the fact he has it so easy compared to me despite us both being their parents. he is a single man with no commitments and i am a single parent with nothing but commitments.

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Original poster
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 00:06

stronger it has only been 5 months for me too but i really feel like i need to reclaim my freedom and get out and meet people.

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strongeralone · 13/01/2011 00:07

Sorry, that was such a self centred post Blush

Do you have any family nearby who could help you with the children?

Original poster
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 00:09

i feel like mum and nothing else, i am not datable because i have this baggage and to even arrange a date with me requires precise planning. too much hassle for anyone. i just want to have fun and not be mum for a while. i love my children and couldn't do what he has done but sometimes i just don't want to pause it and go and be someone else.

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Original poster
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 00:10

my mum and dad but they both work fulltime and like i said even when they do sit for me, i have nothing to do, no friends taht i can just ring up and go out with or go and see.

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strongeralone · 13/01/2011 00:13

Crossed posts there.

We could be on about the same man!

I try to remind myself that HE will be the loser in the end, one day, not just yet, but one day the kids will realise that I brought them up, I made the sacrifices for them and HE did sweet fuck all for them.

Original poster
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 00:15

i agree, the kids will realise but who does that benefit for them to realise it? no-one all it tells them is that dady is an arse, it doesn't make them feel better to know it and it doesn't help us to feel better now.

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Original poster
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 00:16

sorry that sounded snappy, i didn't mean it to be. i am pissed off at him, not you.

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strongeralone · 13/01/2011 00:19

its ok, for me personally I feel better knowing that.

How old are your kids Boo?

Original poster
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 00:20

5 and 19 months

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strongeralone · 13/01/2011 00:26

Are there any courses available that you're interested in doing?

I just thought it would be a way of getting out regularly and meeting new people and possibly be more likely to make friends with a common interest.

Original poster
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 00:27

like hobbies?

well i couldn't afford to pay for a course and i don't have anyone that can sit in the evenings.

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Hazeleyedbaby · 13/01/2011 00:27

I know exactly what you mean, I realised how easy my ex has it on new years eve when I was sat in alone (well DS asleep upstairs) and he was out partying! makes me mad but I know I am better off without him! It has been 4 months for me but I am trying to stay positive! I know that I don't want to be single forever but like you have limited babysitters!

Sorry I don't have any answers or more positivity but thought it might help a little to let you know your not alone.

Original poster
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 00:29

i just feel so restricted. once it gets to 4.30 pm i am stuck in the house to do dinner and then teh whole bedtime routine. i can't go anywhere once tehy are in bed.

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Original poster
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 00:32

it does help hazel.

yes i was in on new years aswell. i am not looking to go partying or getting really drunk every weekend but just to be able to get up and go out if i felt like it would be great. he will never feel like thsi and will never understand just how unbalanced things are WRT our children. he thinks loving them is enough and that makes us equal parents. it doesn't he isn't doing any parenting he visits them when he is on leave and then goes and stays at his mums where he can come and go as he pleases to the pub, out with friends, get a pizza, whatever he wants he can do it and i get to wipe the arses.

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strongeralone · 13/01/2011 00:32

We have some free courses in our area, not sure what they are.

I think SureStart do courses too and my local one have creche facilities, think it costs £1 per session.

DollyPantsJollyPants · 13/01/2011 00:35

I know how you feel
It's pretty crap especially at holiday time
My ex is the same
Keeps taking me to court for contact he then says he's not prepared to commit to in case something comes up
Best advice is to budget for babysitters and go out once a week to keep sane. I go to pilates and a friends teenager sits for me for £3 ht
It's not exciting but I do go out and go for a drink after with my friend

Original poster
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 00:36

we have a surestart aswell, i did their infant massage and baby yoga and i was attending teh breastfeeding group but i started to feel really out of place. all the mums had very new babies and weren't interested in talking to me with an older toddler. they never seemed to stay for more than a few weeks so no chance of building friendships. i don't blame them but it just meant i was sitting on my own for an hour and a half every wednesday not really getting anything from it. i keep getting teh newsletter but they don't seem to be doing any courses otehr than the two i have done.

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Original poster
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 00:38

thanks dolly, that is a good suggestion to budget, hopefully when i am working again (being registered for CMing) i will be able to do that.

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Original poster
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 00:45

and what fucks me off even more is this 'man' who cares so much about his children hasn't phoned to talk to them or ask about them in over a week. he left last tuesday to go back after xmas leave and hasn't been in touch since. i wonder how long it will take, probably when he has a row with new piece and is bored.

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strongeralone · 13/01/2011 00:50

I know my xh has never had it so easy. He can get up and go within a matter of minutes, for me, it takes a good hour to get everybody rounded up an looking presentable. He doesn't need to consider anyone else and that really annoys me. That he has a life without responsibility while i feel like i have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I'm guessing this is pretty much how it is for you too. They have the easy life, but they don't have the joy or memories our children bring us.

strongeralone · 13/01/2011 00:55

I'm off to bed now, hope you feel better tomorrow Boo x

Original poster
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 13/01/2011 00:59

yes exactly the same. i had a glimpse of how easy my EX has it when we were together. if he was on leave he would obviously come here to stay and he would get up in the morning and go to the gym without a thought to dressing or feeding the dcs. he would call me and say, "I'm just heading over to X's here, wont be long" and then after dinner he would go out somewhere, ring a mate and have an immediate night arranged just like that. while the whole time i was just carrying on running the house in total amazement that it was so east for him to do that. and the fact that he didn't even think about when i could get to do that. when i brought it up he would say, "you come to the gym with me" and who would take ds1 to school and look after ds2? or he would tell me to ring a friends and go out, but when you have been out of the loop for so long, you don't have any friends that you can just ring up. no point me going to the gym by myself because as soon as he was away again i wouldn't be able to keep it up.

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