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Original poster

Ex has cut his contact from 2 NIGHTS a week to two HOURS a week

36 replies

coldtits · 22/12/2010 11:19

Now, I allow that he's a prick. His flat (I recently found out) is not a particularly safe place for them to be.

but how can I explain this to the children?

After I stopped the children going to his flat (a tattoo was involved!) he agreed that he would care for them here over night while I worked.

Last week he announced, 30 minutes before I was due to start work, that he won't be coming to my house any more.

So, he saw them for 2 hours on Sunday 12th, 1 hour on Sunday 19th, and 1.5 hours on Tuesday 21st. He's not planning to see them again until Christmas day.

I have lost my job (as can no longer be in my workplace) and although the children aren't asking yet, I'm sure they're going to.

What has made him lose interest in this way? Until 2 weeks ago, I'd have sworn blind that he loves the children and would always take an opportunity to spend time with them - now he sees them less than they see my neighbours!

I want to SCREAM at him for dumping them like this, and for dumping me in the shit again. I fucking loved my job. I loved having a job.

He's turned into such a fucking loser.

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Original poster
coldtits · 22/12/2010 11:31

disgruntled bump

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TheBlessedVirginReality · 22/12/2010 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 22/12/2010 11:35

Wonder whether he's punishing you for your (completely reasonable!) reaction to the tattooing incident.

GrizzlyMacDuff · 22/12/2010 11:38

what an absolute arse. Sorry I have no suggestions for either a) why he is like this or b) how to Get Him Back but wanted to respond to confirm your views on him being a fucking loser.

BUT, maybe its better now than in the future? but admittedly not before christmas. how old are your children? are they old enough to understand that daddy is not visiting them/taking them much any more?

Original poster
coldtits · 22/12/2010 11:40

They're 7 and 4, they have noticed that he doesn't come in any more, and have asked why, and I've truthfully answered "Because this is Mum's house and he doesn't want to be in Mum's house"

Tellingly, they've raised absolutely NO objections to not going to their dad's flat.

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balia · 22/12/2010 11:41

He had one of your children tatooed? How old are they?

Truckulent · 22/12/2010 11:43

Is he doing tit-for-tat because you cut the contact?

Original poster
coldtits · 22/12/2010 11:45

No, he didn't tattoo the boy (eldest) but the person who was tattooing HIM 9ex) dabbed at boy with the tattoo gun, meaning I had to take my 7 year old for a hep b and hiv test.

And yes, i think this probably IS tit for tat, as he's never given a RATIONAL explaination for anything in his life.

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TheProvincialLady · 22/12/2010 11:48

Oh no that is AWFUL. What kind of a man would more or less give up seeing his children, just to spite and punish their mother? I hate to say this but look, you kicked him out because he was an abusive loser. He still is. He lets someone tattoo his son and looks after them in an unsafe environment. If they see less of him, it is not going to be greatly to their detriment in the long term. Thank God you are such a good mother.

It is the pits that you have had to give up your job too. And a shame for the person you worked for.

Truckulent · 22/12/2010 12:01

If someone put a tatoo gun anywhere near one of my children, they'd be having the gun surgically removed.

Sorry Coldtits you've got a twat on your hands.

Lulumaam · 22/12/2010 12:08

I am so sorry, I really am

2 nights a week not a lot of contact anyway

do you think it is because he is ashamed and cannot face up to what he allowed to happen and is therefore pulling away? trying to thikn of something rational other than , he cannot be bothered

the tattoo thing was absolutely unforgiveable though

scream at him, tell him what his actions have cost you and the boys

Original poster
coldtits · 22/12/2010 12:38

I've told him, calmly, that his actions have meant a £70 real income drop per WEEK for me and the children.

Screaming at him has no effect. He swears and put the phone down. Actually he does that when I calmly make a valid point too.

I am VERY grateful, right now, that I live in my home town. My friend's husband is looking after my children (and theirs) so that me and my friend can go shopping together and have a cup of tea in peace.

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Original poster
coldtits · 22/12/2010 12:40

The only com forting thing is that Ds2 has become less agressive and doesn't whine so much (not because his dad is agressive to him, but because bad behavior is the only way for ds2 to get his dad's attention, and it kind of carried over into 'my' time.

Ds1 is, as always, unbothered by the peculiarities of BWBs (Beings Without Buttons)

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Lulumaam · 22/12/2010 15:56

and how has he responded to the fact you've lost your job and money because he has decided he doesn't want to bne responsible for his children?

Original poster
coldtits · 22/12/2010 17:11

he looked sheepish (a bit) and said "Yeah, I know. But I'm not staying at yours!"

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Lulumaam · 22/12/2010 17:18

he's a real loser , isn't he?

Original poster
coldtits · 22/12/2010 17:23

I never thought so before, but I'm starting to.

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AlwaysTheMummy · 22/12/2010 21:33

Aww thats really low of him to do that, what some guys don't realise is when they do things like that to spite the ex, it inadvertently affects the children too, but they can't see that.

Makes me want to slap his earhole for you.

I know you probably wont want to hear this right now but I remember when I had to rely on my ex to have kids so I could work, he let me down too many times so I made other arrangements and now I don't rely on him for anything, which is all good really because now he doesn't see them at all. I'm beginning to wonder if he done these things on purpose just so he didn't have the kids.

I hope you get something sorted though xx

gillybean2 · 23/12/2010 09:40

Do you have no other alternative for child care cover? Local childminder, or nanny who is prepared to become ofsted registered so you can claim up to 80% (or soon 70%) of costs back.
Neighbour or friend you can call in favour with till sorted?

If he won't have them at yours then ask him what alternatives he is suggesting in order to ensure his children have a relationship with him. Or is he planning to simply dump his kids and leave them in poverty?
Will his parents not help out or are they too far away or not an option?

Original poster
coldtits · 24/12/2010 01:37

it's a 24 hour shift. I'd need someone here one day and night a week.

And ds1 has SN.

I'm on a lower wage than I could pay someone competant to care for my children!

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Original poster
coldtits · 24/12/2010 01:39

And I've asked him, gillybean, how he expects to have a relationship with his children. His response was "I'll still take them otu and that"

Ds2 talks more about my bloody boyfriend, who he's known for two years but lives 40 miles away, more than he talks about his dad at the moment.

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Original poster
coldtits · 24/12/2010 01:42

I was earning £144 per week, for a 24 hour shift.

I'd need to be able to pay someone 30% less than that to cover the cost of my working.

There is not a Sn nanny or child minder on the face of this planet who will do one 26 hour (allowing for my travel) shift a week for £100

I'm fucked.

Luckily, I believe my skills to translate well to special schools, so I'm splashing my CV around and crossing my fingers.

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Original poster
coldtits · 24/12/2010 01:44

Also live in arse end of east midlands - no specialist childcare for 17 miles around and I can't drive.

I'm so FUCKING frustrated. Every time I mnage to scrape myself back together, he stamps on my fuckingf head

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DioneTheDiabolist · 24/12/2010 01:47

Coldtits, this is really hard on you and your DCs (I remember your previous posts). He is playing games. That is a v.bad thing. And maybe (just a suggestion as I am not privvy to the inner workings of his mind), you should just accept the situation and accept the fact that he does not care enough to be a parent.

If that is the case, you need to work out a way for you and your DCs, free from any obligation from him (although I would hound him for money).Xmas Sad

Original poster
coldtits · 24/12/2010 01:49

I'm still getting the money (thats the bizarre thing)

Why drop the children and give the money? I would much much rather it was the other way round

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