Can't get enthused about my life as a Single Mum :(

[BEAUTlFUL]

I've been a single mum for a year now. I have 2 DC and still live in the ex-marital home. I am self-employed, work from home, aged nearly 40. DC1 is at school, DC2 goes to nursery 3 days a week.

I just can't seem to accept that this is my life now! i have no plans for the future, am not building up any savings or anything, life is just pasing by.

Have managed to create a good co-parenting relationship with ex-H, which is something. We alternate weekends. but when the DC are away I just go out and socialise and don't get anything "proper" done.

The house needs a good clean, the DC's bedroom needs a proper reshuffle, I need to be sensible about work and finances... Instead I've poured all my energies into bloody DATING and trying to find a new bloke because I'm scared I'll end up on my own... but really, I don't even know if I want one.

How can I focus on creating a "proper" life for me and the D, now it's just me and them? I want us to be a happy team, but DC1 is naughty and tiring (possibly Dyspraxic) and I shout at them too much.

A year has passed and I've done nothing to move my life forward. Help.

Beautiful omg sorry, and now you've made me all teary because as you can probably tell I can feel for you and I guess my post was meant as a big fat hug. It is lonely, but that's aside from the rewards, you can still get those you know. You're doing well, and you have us . You're not alone, be proud of what you do. I got up a wee bit earlier (only 10 mins) when I realised that things were just too stressy in the mornings, and I used to have breakfast cereals and bowls and stuff on the breakfast table the night before when I was being uber organised which was unusual.

Dione's final line of the last post, I couldn't have put it better myself it is spot on.

I'm glad to see some smileys in your last post

Pickgo it's nice not having exh's and all their 'stuff' to deal with, I agree. Good point

EXACTLY Beautiful. By the time you've consulted OH, persuaded that whatever it is is a good idea, arranged it etc you've lost all interest yourself! LOL
Just think... when you're ready... you can do whatever you like now without recourse to anyone else (I feel like braveheart- freeeeeedom!)
But seriously you're in charge of your own life and can do whatever seems best to you... a bit of dalliance, a blitz on the house, retail therapy whatever and whenever you like.
I know it's not easy on your own but it does have some real compensations IMHO.

Beautiful - Hi, haven't seen you around in a while? Maybe we've been hanging out on different boards?

It's only a year - that's not really that long when you have been together a long time and have kids.... be kind to yourself.

To be honest, there doesn't seem much of anything wrong with what you are doing - only really that you aren't happy with it.

How do you feel about the house? Is the state of it bothering you? I'd join in a 'getting stuff done day' - I could do with a kick up the arse bottom!

Have you moved stuff around since he moved out? I think a room by room, deep clean, move around, paint.... could be in order - what do you think? Make it yours??

Beautiful I recognise your name but don't remember the back story sorry.

As Pickgo and Chipping are saying, yes, make the house yours. I loved doing that. Putting pictures up that I like etc etc

If you're near me I'd get you going too!

I also agree with, the dc's won't notice a little bit of untidiness etc, but they will notice an unhappy Mum.

Pickgo: "By the time you've consulted OH, persuaded that whatever it is is a good idea, arranged it etc you've lost all interest yourself!"

Were we married to the same man???!! It was exactly like this EVERY DAY.

Hello ChippingIn, thank you! I think a blitz on the house is a great idea. I did that a bit after Twunt left, but I could do more. I really need to tackle the DC's room, it's a bombsite. I want to get them bunkbeds but am worried that the littlest one is too small (nearly 3yo) and will hurt himself is he climbs up then falls off.

Seriously, you've all cheered me up no end. After being buoyed up by you all, I've researched family things to do locally and have found a Christmas Fair to go to this weekend, and a Single Parents group I can go to with DC2.

If I started FlyLady againit would solve 99% of my problems.

Love the idea of getting busy with the kids and haing fun with them instead of with bloody blokes! How much better will my time be invested if I pour it into my little men, rather than twunty big men?!

I honestly feel so, so much better. You have all helped such a lot.

Please still all be here tomorrow when my mood will invariably come crashing down again!

I might start a new thread where we can all support each other. Something like a "You're Doing A Great Job" thread where we can post what we've done and get feedback/compliments/encouragement.

Monty, I'm in Surrey - if that's near you, feel free to come over for cups of tea and to kick me up the arse any time.

Yep I was married to a snail's pace kinda guy... no make that a slug - a slug on tranqs!

How is he normally with climbing etc? Most 3 year olds are fine in bunkbeds - just get a side so he doesn't fall out in his sleep and get one with a wide step ladder and not rungs (much easier in the night).

So you could start with the boys room if you feel it needs it the most....

OR

You could start with a space that was 'shared' and is now yours - I'd suggest your bedroom! Think about how you would like it - what you would like in it, what colours you would like....

If there's anyone likely to buy you a christmas present you could drop a few hints in their general direction!!

Have a good clean out (keep/charity/bin) take everything out, dust clean, tidy sort - claim the room!

Claim the house - room by room!

I think the fact that 'still in the ex-marital home' from your OP speaks volumes. You either need to move (if you can) or really make it yours!

If you start with the other rooms, it will give your little one a couple more months in his bed before you buy bunk beds.

OH and this 'claiming' doesn't have to cost much at all!

Pickgo - lol!

Beautiful I'm Sarf London feel free to pm me .

I think your thread idea is ACE and probably very needed and would be most welcome by all lone parents.

OK, I'm off to bed now, I haven't got the cereal on the table tonight because teenagers won't eat breakfast, they bloody buy it at school (and that's a whole thread all on it's own).

Night all, and remember what a good job you're doing.

Night Monty27.
Couldn't help laughing at Chippingin's thread following mine - sounds like the 'climbing' refers to the slug!.
I'm to bed too - or I'll never get up in the morning, DCs will miss school and that would be a tragedy what with the snow to play in at home!

There was a poster on here a while ago who wouldn't go outside because of the slugs climbing up her door - she was a smoker and really pissed off! LOL

I usually stick the radio on loud and throw the windows open, that way its too cold to sit still anyway and i've got to clean lol.

Timetable is a good idea, im struggling a bit myself. I also used to work from home but found it too isolating for me and had to give it up, but if you can hack it, stick with it.

Can you plan to do all the major stuff and cleaning when your kids are there instead of thinking you need to wait until they are away, my ds used to love 'helping', that way you can actually enjoy your 'free' days without feeling guilty!

Hi Beautiful, how are you today?
I was wondering where (ish) in the (country) world you are.

I'm in the south; north Kent/se london.

I've been on my own (again) for 2 years now and yes, it does take time to get back to feeling right in yourself which is why I suggested you look for and find yourself. I've said this to several of my good friends before and they haven't and have ended up with more rats idiot men.

Hope you are feeling up today :)

Hi trapped - love the idea of making the house freezing so you have to keep moving!

and yes, working from home is isolating. i've been wondering if I should get a p/t job in a shop or something, just to force me out of myself a bit till DC2 starts school?

Hello Solo, thanks for checking up on me! I'm so much better today, you wouldn't believe it. It felt so good to unleash all that misery last night, I don't think I've ever confessed to feeling that fed up before. The replies were amazing, I've re-read the thread 4 or 5 times.

I'm in Surrey - nearish you and quite close to the lovely Monty27 too.

"I suggested you look for and find yourself. I've said this to several of my good friends before and they haven't and have ended up with more idiot men"

This is excellent advice... Hmm...

I'm in a similar situation but am shying away from dating until I feel more confident to put my self out there, but do now have a totally clean, uncluttered home - JUST THE WAY I WANT IT! And every night when the kids go to bed, I do a quick sweep and light some lovely candles before watching a film or crap tv.

I sorted the kids room out and am also saving up as much as poss to redecorate!

YOU CAN DO IT!

"And every night when the kids go to bed, I do a quick sweep and light some lovely candles before watching a film or crap tv."

This sounds blissful!! I want this!!

OK I am going to start decluttering, a la FlyLady, then flogging off all the old tat priceless antiques on eBay to get money for bunk beds and emulsion.

Hooray!

Beautiful - just popped in to say 'hi'. I'm glad you seem to be feeling a bit better.

Hi - glad you're feeling a bit more positive today :)

RESULT - glad you're feeling more upbeat. REmember you're not alone and it sounds like you're doing a really great job.

Boobalina, I love candles too. Once DS goes to bed, I too do a "quick sweep" and light my candles. I love the adult atmosphere they give. While I drink tea/wine and watch trash TV/read.

Was thinking about this thread today. Had bought budget oranges, cloves and a bit of ribbon and made pomanders today with DS. This evening after dinner we were just messing and having a laugh and it made me realise how much happier and more relaxed I am (and he is) hanging out with eachother. Then he went to bed and I lit my candles, watched Holby, smelt my pomanders and felt like Nigella (albeit a v.low rent version).

Beautiful, thank you for starting this thread, it has given us Lone Parents something to feel happy about.