I wish someone else had farthered dd.

[poshsinglemum]

Instead of her real dad who is feckless and uncaring. I hate feeling like this; that I've messed up. Poor dd. Will I ever have a nomal family and a n ormal life? Serves me right for choosing such a man.

Hiya hariboegg. Thanks for the rply. I'm having a bad day. Most of the time I feel proud to be just us two. I just get down at times. I do love dd and I thnak her dsad for giving me such an amazing gift.

I feel like this too sometime psm, I think it hurts so much when the person who is supposed to care doesn't seem to 'get' what being a father is all about.

My two don't have a clue as to what a father is supposed to do in a family life.

But, having said that I'm glad that I can bring them up the way I think is best, I don't have to ask anyone or argue about my parenting skills. No-one undermines me, my rules go.

I know that for me it's way easier to be doing this on my own than with my ex.

Make sure you get your 'fuckwit' radar working properly for when you meet someone else

I might be academically intelligent but I have zero intelligence when it comes to men and relationships.

Same here. I have to rely on friends to tell me if he's a knob

Looking back on it; I have absolutely no idea what I saw in him. He was obviously a knob from the word go. What was I thinking?

I think good sex and alcohol played a bit part my attraction to my ex.

There wasn't even good sex for me . I think I was just desperate to start a family.

We know better now though.

I've met a few really nice men on MySingleFriend.com they seem to be a nicer bunch. Maybe because it's a paid site or that you know that they have at least one friend who can construct a sentence!

I'm still of the mind that I'll NEVER marry again or even live with anyone.

Hi gain Dolly. He phoned up the other day and ever since then I've been feeling really wierd. i feel like I had a bay with someone I don't even know.

I suspect I have bordreline personality disorder accounting for my disasterous choices.

Goodness Posh. Stop beating yourself up. There's a multitude of us in this world who have chosen the wrong men - shit happens. You sound like a lovely mum and your DD will love you despite her knob of a father and she won't necessarily be messed up by it either. I know lots of people who's parents messed them up and they were so called 'normal' families. You can be a fabulous role model for your DD and eventually you'll meet a lovely guy who will also be a fab role model for your DD - just learn from your past mistakes and choose a good one this time! You'll be great. Do something about your self esteem though - you deserve it.

Thanks bettiboo. I genuinely hope I choose bettre from now on. I do think I need to research bpd as my past behaviour is a bit . I got pregnant with a man I barely new as I thought i loved him adn I really wanted a baby. She is FABULOUS though!

Hello

I am totally there with you, same happened to me, try not to beat yourself up over it you didn't know how it was going to turn out. I know people who've been in exactly the same situation and it worked out. You weren't to know how it would end up. A psychiatrist told me that there is no research to suggest that a functioning single parent would have a negative affect on a child's upbringing and that parents in a non-functioning relationship are more likely to have a detrimental affect on their child's upbringing then one happy single parent. So be good to yourself because you've done the right thing. Chin up!

Thank you. Trouble is I'm not that happy because of my previous dodgy choices. I'm working on changing this though and I intend to start keeping fit etc to get my endorphins moving!

Oh yes, I totally ignored the warning signs of exP's knobbiness because I wanted a BAYBEE. Well, I got her. The price was higher than expected, but was it worth it? By God it was.

Oh honey. You made bad choices. You are not the first and you won't be the last. Not one person on this planet has ever had a life free of bad choices. Don't let it torture you.

hope you're feeling a bit better today psm

we all make wrong choices and it's dificult to know how the man you choose willl handle being a father

but, I'm looking for something very different now as I have my boys to think about, so I am much more fussy and I'm sure you will be too

Hi all. Everyone makes bad choices but at least they learn from them. Until now; I havn't. I just went round and round in a circle making even worse choices than before.
Having a baby has been an amzing experience but why can''t I have it all like the other mums; a decent man and a baby. Everything in my life has been tainted. I think it hints at a personality disorder. I have definately had attention seeking behaviour and acting out tendancies.
My parents gave me anything and I still managed to mess up. When I look back at my behaviour and decisions I just feel like I was quite ill actually.

Your parents giving you 'anything' is probably the point where something started to go wrong!

As for learning from bad choices -
I have used
spped
heroin
methadone
crack cocaine
stuffing myslef with food
depriving myself of food
using sleeping pills
slaf harming

I am 33, I started my journey of self destruction at the age of 13 - 20 years on I'm just about ready to accept there may be a better way of coping with life...

Have you been diagnosed 'officialy' with PD or BPD?

Not officially although I spent a month in a psychiatric unit when I was 21 due to my narcasist ex.

I just felt that PD seemed a good way for you to say... 'but it's all my fault really.' Not saying you should point the finger at everyone else for choices that you make, but for instance I have made some very bad choices of 'boyfriend' as a teen as I was abused at 8, date raped at 16. They were still my choices, and I had a whole host of fucked up reasons for making them - but that's not my fault iyswim.

Just realised that I have spelt farthered wrond! Should it be fathered?

wrong even!

Yes it should but I decided to let you off.