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Original poster

So who here has, or have had, a f**k buddy?

62 replies

HappyWithLife · 27/10/2010 11:04

I never have, but sex is the one thing I do miss. My sex drive is pretty high so being single involves a lot of cold showers for me Grin. How do you keep it purely 'no strings'? How did you come to this arrangement in the first place? I'm intrigued, so come on...spill.

OP posts:
JaquiChan · 27/10/2010 11:12
Frrrrightattendant · 27/10/2010 11:17

Oh dear. I think probably you will have to be really, really careful to choose the right sort of person and if you don't already know them, perhaps it would be best to wait until you do know someone fairly well, then approach them. Otherwise you could be putting yourself at risk.

Do you have someone in mind?

whiteandnerdy · 27/10/2010 12:00

I'm on fairly intemate no strings relationship with my hand to be honest. We've remained on a amicable terms so far, and things are quite convenient, though I do feel somewhat emotionally unfulfilled by this arrangement. Hmm

smokinpumpkins · 27/10/2010 12:05

I've had one. He was my boyfriend on an off at 16/17 and then between 19 and 21 he was my booty call. We both had busy jobs, busy lives, but suited each other sexually so it worked great.

In fact we were emailing and reminscing about it yesterday! Sadly he has a girlfriend currently (sadly for me, glad he's happy, but I could really do with some sex after a year!!) We were a fantastic match sexually, and I do miss that side of it.

In fact, I was emailing another ex (this was from when I was 15 and I didnt sleep with him back then) last night too, and we've agreed to be each others booty call for a while - both single, busy (me with the kids) but fancy a bit of something with someone we know and trust. Not sure whether it will come to anything (or whether I will actually booty call him!!) but its nice to have that back up there!

Personally I have found it has to be someone you get on well with, are sexually attracted to, can trust, but dont want a relationship with. I think they are a fab thing, as I do miss sex a lot but dont have the time for a relationship (or the chance to meet anyone) at the moment.

gingerali · 27/10/2010 12:07

I had one - we both socialised in a group of friends and would hook up from time to time - lasted 6 years! we had relationships with other people in between - It ended in tears - I think men find this sort of thing easier - I ended up developing feelings for him - my advice is, if you are going to do it, keep it short - i find the more i have sex with someone the more intimate my feelings get ( lets face it you need be attracted to him before you are going to get naked!)

FreakoidOrgansandBloodoid · 27/10/2010 12:09

I did once, but when I was younger and before dc.

I wouldn't recommend it tbh.

It was ok in the beginning, but I think I was deluding myself that I didn't want more from him and was happy with it just being about sex.

I soon stopped feeling desirable and started feeling used, even though he had never lied to me or promised me anything.

For me it was pretty shit being so intimate with someone in one way but not having them there for emotional support or to just spend time with.

I suppose if you were absolutely certain that you didn't want a relationship and did just want sex then it could work...

aftereightmints · 27/10/2010 12:20

I haven't had a fb but I've had casual encounters in other ways - websites/email lists which are set up for the purpose and also events set up for it (there are lots of websites catering to this sort of thing if you search [hwink]).

I had a lot of fun and learned a lot about myself and sexuality in general. I was careful about who I selected and where to meet (usually nice hotels) - most men were reasonable professional types. I think it was better than a fb situation because I would probably have developed feelings for someone I was seeing regularly, whereas these were usually one-offs.

I'm in a LTR now which is nicer but it comes with its own problems and at the time I wasn't able to commit to a relationship.

witcheseve · 27/10/2010 12:26

aftereights, who paid for the hotels? Just a thought.

Original poster
HappyWithLife · 27/10/2010 12:42

LOL@ Jaquichan Grin

Frightattendant...Noooooo....I'm not looking for one or considering one even. I was just curious as to how it works that's all.

Whiteand nerdy...lol@you. It's probably the safest bet to be honest.

For now I am fairly reliant on Ms Summers Grin, but like Nerdy it's emotionally unfulfilling.

OP posts:
aftereightmints · 27/10/2010 13:12

Oh, definitely the men! We never really discussed that, it seems to be accepted as the default.

aristomache · 27/10/2010 13:20

I've actually just advertised for one on a dating site, for the same reasons as you OP.

obviously I haven't worded it "like that" I've said I'm busy concentrating on kids, job and house and not looking for long-term commitment at the moment.

Wish me luck!!!

JaquiChan · 27/10/2010 13:27

aristomache, best of luck, keep us posted!

bumpybecky · 27/10/2010 13:33

I had one when I was 20. We were fbs for around 6 months then it got more serious, we're still together 17 years later, now married with 4dc

Niceguy2 · 27/10/2010 15:27

When I first split from my ex, I had a FB. We'd both come out of LTR's and it seemed to suit.

Problem was over time she wanted more. From everyone I know who's done this, there's always one person who wants more than the other is prepared to give.

So whether it works or not depends on which side of the fence you sit.

I've learned to avoid.

lou33 · 27/10/2010 15:45

they are ok as short term solutions i think, and you have to be v clear about how things are, and sure neither of you will start wanting more after a while

potplant · 27/10/2010 15:49

One of my friends has one. I'm boring old married lady so I find it thrilling on her behalf.

I do also wonder how you come to such an arrangement.

witcheseve · 27/10/2010 15:51

IME its probably better to have toyboys for this as they want to sex with older experienced women and you only sex with them as you know that a relationship would be bad news so a perfect solution.

overmydeadbody · 27/10/2010 15:55

You need to have self restraint and control to keep it no'strings. It is not for everybody.

Some things that keep it no-strings:

Don't be interested in them as a person. Don't follow their every move on facebook or give a shit where they go at the weekends. You cannot start 'caring' about them.

Don't keep any one arrangement going too long, incase one of you starts getting 'attached' to the other one.

Don't stay the night or have them stay the night at yours.

hmmm, what else? I guess just don't think about them, apart from when you are thinking of sex. Don't even entertain the thought that it might be more.

Keep contact to a minimum. Simple requests to meet up, simple yes or nos in responses to their requests (I'm thinkin texts here)

Have had a few arrangements from various websites, and a few times with people I met through friends.

Once with a friend but miraculously it worked and there where no tears and no loss of friendship afterwRDS.

ValiumSkeleton · 27/10/2010 15:55

Niceguy, you were never fbs, she was only sleeping with you because she liked you.

I know there are plenty of female exceptions to my perspective, but I just can't imagine sleeping with somebody I didn't like enough to at least try and see where it went you knwo?! If I was so certain right from the word go that a relationshp was out of the question then why would I want to sleep with them... Confused. I can't think of many circumstances. Possibly if they were a LOT younger than me, but even then, weird. If the sex was good you'd want to keep doing it regularly, and if it was bad, you'd wish you never bother and it'd be one more person to duck into a door way to avoid! [joke]

I know that a lot of women can have sex with people they think are boring/lazy whatever. I think it's still a bit of a default setting for women to actually need to like the man.

overmydeadbody · 27/10/2010 15:59

Yes you have to be clear form the outset. Even if you know what you want, you need to make sure they know too.

Deffo agree it is a short term thing.

wouldliketoknow · 27/10/2010 16:01

my friend had one for years, and it worked perfectly, until she (my friend) asked him to leave his wife and marry her or she would tell, was also her teacher....

it can turn nasty

deathjeff · 27/10/2010 16:02

I had one once... he was gorgeous. Really drop dead stunning. Tall, muscular, handsome but a real douchebag.

I actually disliked him so intensely as he was such a chauvinistic pig that there was a fine line between having sex and mauling him.

I put a stop to it when he thought he owned me. He bought me a drink and told me to come back to his (in front of all his friends) so I put his drink down at his feet and danced off in the opposite direction.

We did mutually agree that we were each other 'best ever' but it was horrible/amazing Grin

overmydeadbody · 27/10/2010 16:04

Valium sometimes women don't want a relationship for personal reasons, not because the particular man they are shagging is not right for them...

When I was single, I was happy being single. I didn't want or need to give that up, I enjoyed the freedom it gave me. I still wanted sex though and there where plenty of nice men out there to help me out, and just because I didn't want to have a relationship with them didn't mean they where not nice or I was somehow compromising or anything.

I am now in a lovely relationship with a man who I hope to be with for the rest of my life. But I needed my time being single first.

overmydeadbody · 27/10/2010 16:07

wouldlike that is a mistress, not a FB.

overmydeadbody · 27/10/2010 16:08

Valium, I guess what I mean is you can like the man without wanting a relationship at that time in your life, but still wanting sex.