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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

So who here has, or have had, a f**k buddy?

62 replies

HappyWithLife · 27/10/2010 11:04

I never have, but sex is the one thing I do miss. My sex drive is pretty high so being single involves a lot of cold showers for me . How do you keep it purely 'no strings'? How did you come to this arrangement in the first place? I'm intrigued, so come on...spill.

OP posts:

Frrrrightattendant · 27/10/2010 16:17

Yes I think often the no strings thing can be easily achieved by going for a married bloke - but it's so not advisable on so many levels!

valiumskeleton · 27/10/2010 16:58

OMDB, I get it in theory. It's just hard for me to identify that group in my head. A group of people that I like just enough to sleep with, but not enough to want to be with. That'd be a tiny over lap for me.

smokinpumpkins · 27/10/2010 17:54

I wonder whether thats why my FB always worked - it was an ex, we'd tried the whole dating, got on great but not like that - the only thing going for us was the great sex and flirty texts so thats all we kept. We both went on dates with other people etc, and the encounters would be anything from twice a week to 3 months apart, but neither of us hassled the other or felt put out if the other replied that they were seeing someone at that point.

Original poster

HappyWithLife · 27/10/2010 19:16

LOL...what are you lot like? I wasn't sure anyone would reply but I go away for a few hours and look what happens .

OP posts:

Niceguy2 · 27/10/2010 19:16

Valium, I knew she liked me. I liked her but I was also realistic enough to know that neither of us were in the right place for a new relationship.

So for me it seemed to suit. Meet up when free, do whatever we wanted with no strings. Sometimes that meant going out to cinema, other times we'd just shag.

Problem was over time she forgot about the "no strings" agreement and soon I was being introduced to all her friends and family.

Lesson learned for me.

smokinpumpkins · 27/10/2010 19:23

eeek niceguy, introductions shouldnt happen. In fact in no way should you ever go on a date with your FB - whether its a wedding, or a family meal, or evening justa a cinema trip. They are not there to be a date, they are there as a service

I met my FB's parents and brother once when we were first dating. Never so much as met a coworker when we were FBs, and he never met mine either. It was a call or arrangement made at about 7pm, he'd be gone by 3am.

And it was 50/50 on the calling from memory, I know neither of us felt like the one always instigating it or anything.

smokinpumpkins · 27/10/2010 19:23

*or even just a cinema trip

Philip624 · 04/11/2010 10:43

well I am available if anyone is intrigued enough to give it a go.....

aseriouslyblondemoment · 04/11/2010 13:44

...best take that as a no then phil

Philip624 · 04/11/2010 15:02

lol, we'll i have had one pm........

elastamum · 04/11/2010 15:03

Had one once. Ex BF from uni days. I was single in my 30's and we used to meet up weekends when we were both free. Worked for us, we both knew each other well, had some lovely weekends, but work, geography and history meant neither of us wanted a full on relationship again. It fizzled out when I met my ex. Bf is now very happily living with someone so wont be going back there. He is still georgous though

I agree with NG. you both need to want the same thing for it to work. Otherwise it will be a mess best avoided

elastamum · 04/11/2010 15:05

If its not part of a a relationship I cant be arsed to bother anymore though, suppose thats just me getting old!!!

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 06/11/2010 09:54

I've had 3 in my time.

1 started off as dating, we didn't really have the time to see each other (or didn't really want to make the time) but were sexually very compatible and lived a 5min walk from each other so it evolved into a FB arrangement and worked very nicely for about 6 months til we just drifted apart and stopped getting in touch. No discussions about it, the relationship just evolved til we would send each other texts, pop round to each others' houses have wine, have sex then go home. Was very successful!

1 was a weird mix between FB and dating, he was knob I wasn't that interested in dating but we had great sex so I tried to turn it into a FB arrangement but he liked having control in a relationship[ so it didn't work
at all.

3rd was a horrid teenge non-relationship thing which fucked me up royally because he was an arse hole, fast forward a few years we bump into each other and have sex, still amazing sex. Again evolves into seeing each other for drinks out then having sex (though staying over) but only meeting up once or twice a year. Trouble is he had a girlfriend throughout (I know, I know) so it became something much nastier and because of him fucking me up so royally when I was younger, I never managed to have real emotional distance from him and he ended up fucking me up again.

So, my tips would be make sure it's with someone you like as a person but also have amazing sex with. My good FB was brilliant because we lived so close so could answer booty calls easily, we'd managed to evolve the relationship without having to really discuss it as well, think that's why it worked

Janos · 06/11/2010 20:22

Yes, I have a similar arrangement (though I hate the term). Ongoing now for about 18 months I think.

V sexy but def not relationship material.

Actually thinking of knocking it on the head though as I'm in danger of getting too attached which is a big no-no.

JaquiChan · 07/11/2010 18:09

Aristomache, how's the search going?

Faaamily · 07/11/2010 18:13

Yes, when I was younger. I had two (not at the same time!). Worked out well. We really liked each other as friends first and foremost, though. You have to have trust and respect.

tegan · 07/11/2010 18:24

Yep had a few when i was younger and am still friends with them now

JaquiChan · 06/12/2010 18:00

any updates then

oldraver · 06/12/2010 22:31

I've had a couple. One wanted more than being a f/b so I ended it and it took some getting rid of him. Another one was ok, it went on for about 6 months it was pretty good but eventully there was an issue.

bigideasany1 · 10/12/2010 16:06

Well, i am in need of a fb over the festive its been 3 years, bored of the diy scenario....tried dating sights, clubs and i know i aint a ugly mutt...more suggestions please. Not keen on the mistress route though

QueenofWhatever · 11/12/2010 11:55

I've only just realised that I had a fb for several years when I was late teens/early twenties. We were part of the same extended group of friends and there was always a strong sexual charge between us. Lovely guy, but we had absolutely nothing in common (apart from sex ) and wanted very different things in life.

I'm slightly ashamed to admit that it never occurred to me that he might want something more. It gradually ended as we never made formal arrangements, just when we were all out together and I drew the line when he got engaged. I don't think he would have done anything as he's a genuinely nice guy, but I stopped all the flirting when drunk etc. He's happily married with two boys now.

hariboegg · 11/12/2010 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenGigantaurofMnet · 11/12/2010 16:11

yup i have had a couple in my life time.

they are great but only if you are both happy with it to remain as a casual sexual relationship.

you need someone in a similar position really. who isn;t interested in playing the field as such but also not looking for a relationship. someone who wants the odd bit of rumpy without the strings

My longest Fb was a guy in the army. We had met whilst i was in a relationship but there was a physical attraction between us, even though it could never be anything more than that as after too long together we wound each other up.
but the sex was fantastic.

so be carefull who you chose, make sure you are both happy with it and ensure you always use protection.

happy shagging

electra · 11/12/2010 16:17

I've had a few. It can work fine but I had a few rules I stuck to - and you need to do this imo to avoid ending up emotionally attached and confused.

We didn't meet up more than once a week. This was the main thing really. If you spend more time together than that then you will start wondering what they are doing when not with you, etc and feelings will grow. If the person isn't suitable relationship material then further problems may follow (this is what happened to me on one occasion when I broke this rule because the guy was getting cross that I wouldn't spend more time with him).

I did have one occasion where someone I was seeing just for sex and not much else turned out to be expecting more than that from me and I felt a bit bad I hadn't realised it.

Emjxxx · 11/12/2010 16:55

MMMmmmmmmm FB, those were the days!! LOL all good fun, always protected, as you must assume that you are not their only booty call!!

FB are fab if you are after no strings sex, but defo not a substitute for a relationship.

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