question or advice about dating...just how do you fit it in and is it a chore

[allhallowsandwine]

im single parent and have over past four years dated a couple of guys both very short lasting relationships I have been totaly single without any relationship or sex for over a year and quite frankly bitting at the bullet for a shag....im so sexually frustrated. I have been on pof on and off but have dated one person a couple of times but did not really fancy him and find the whole dating thing a chore and most blokes on the sites a total bore. my question is how do you keep time aside to go out and how on earth do you meet someone? i dont have many babysitters or much money either. I so f'n well need sex.

My XH has the dc 3 out of 4 Saturday nights and babysits one evening a week so the time thing isn't too bad for me thankfully.

I have only been on two "dates" though (about 6 months in). I was lucky and the first guy I met on POF I just clicked with even though we are nominally "friends" and he just comes here once the kids are in bed.

exp is rubbish and dd does not want to sleep at his so im stuffed realy. sounds like you have a good arrangement with exp Its nice to hear when its working out that way.

It shouldn't be a chore, it should be fun. I think if you just want a shag do you have any male friends or old flames you could call upon to 'help'?

3 years for me allhallows.... am watching with interest in case someone comes along with the miracle cure!!

is that not just desperte though not to say i may not resort to this course of action though.

you are right it shouldnt be a chore and i dont want it to be but that is just how it feels.

Leslaki you not had a shag in 3 years, god help me!!

I think it's less desperate and more likely to get good results than entrusting PoF with your sex life.

I'd rather shag someone I knew, or someone I had shaged before, over a stranger from the internet.

i was going mad with just a six month break...

this is true overmydeadbody i hate pof

i met my "friend" on POF and mate met her long time bloke on there so i wouldn't rule it out completely

I don't fit it in, end of lol.

Have been single for nearly 5yrs and no sign of that changing anytime soon.

I did manage to have a no strings fling a few months ago, but other than that, nothing.

How old are you DC's allhallowsandwine? Don't give up would be my advice, there is someone out there for you who will tick all of the boxes, you just have to be patient. In the meantime, AnnSummers do a very nice line in bob's (battery operated boyfriends) and yes I know this is no substitute, but could relieve the frustration until mr right comes along :)

ha ha, maybe thats the answer pinkicequeen but i do miss having another person etc etc i think ill have to find a no strings attached fling for the time being as i dont want a relationship as such you know just have sex to see me going for the next year or so.

I didn't use dating websites, when I was looking for a shag I used other websites where it was clear what we were both looking for [hwink].

I've met other men through friends, night classes, the gym and through work.

I've never found dating to be a chore, it's always lovely being wined and dined by a nice bloke [hgrin]

dnot get me wrong I do love the attention from that aspect of dating but i do find it hard work unless i meet someone i really like but that just aint happening at the moment.

bobbybuilder, "other websites", how did you get on with them, did it do what it said on the tin, so to speak [hgrin].

I've used other websites too. They're fine.

With all these things, you just have to use a little common sense and caution.

I had a lot of success by posting something on gumtree and then going through the responses I got with a fine tooth comb.

omdb,off to google gumtree thank you for that. Care to elaborate on your fine tooth combing? Can you tell I am in need of guidance [hgrin].

OP, I sometimes wonder if it worth all the effort too.

jaquichan i wonder that too hence my post. please let me know what you think and how you get on with other websites.

if im honest i would worry about my safety

allhallows, have googled gumtree in my area but they no longer have a dating/alternative relationship section.

Oh I totally agree with you about the safety aspect, would worry the life out of me to the extent that I probably wouldn't end up meeting anyone let alone anything else . Waiting for omdb's tips for weeding the losers/nutters.

Jacui I'd say just delete any emails that you can immediately discount (I was ruthless, even text speak got deleted, I may have been looking for no strings fun, but I still didn't want to sleep with a chav).

Have a few email correspondences with anyone you have deemed sounds normal, then, if they still haven't emailed anything that makes you delete them, arrange to meet for a coffee.

There is no point in sending hundreds of emails/texts/messages back and forth. Send a few to sort the wheat from the chaff, then meet up for a further check-up. I'd say 99% of the face to face meet ups will result in an immediate crossing of them off the list. If you're looking for someone to sleep with you know almost instantly on laying eyes on them whether or not you want to see them naked or not.

Be ver very very careful. You can tell a lot about a man by their initial contact to you. If they're talking about sex and all the things they're gonna do to you, delete immediately. You don't need an arrogant bastard with no respect for a bit of subtlety.

Word your post very carefully, so it's clear you don't want a relationship but also clear that you have some taste.

If you have dealbreakers (who doesn't?) put them in the post. I wasn't interested in smokers so stated that.

Always remember that you have no obligation to reply to anyone, no obligation to give anyone more details or photos, no obligation to meet up with anyone, and certainly no obligation to sleep with anyone even after a few meetings, even after taking him back to your etc. etc.

Bascially, you don't have to be 'nice'.

RE the safety, Id' say a first meeting should always be during the day, if you can, for a coffee at a cafe/pub, then it is clear from the begining that you have no intention of hopping into bed with them straight away.

Treat it like an interview, be as ruthless in your vetting as you would be interviewing a childminder to look after your newborn.

always tell someone where you are, always have your phone ona nd fully charged, always have some emergency cash so you can hop into a taxi if need be.

Trust your instincts.

Internet dating - never more important to listen to your gut instincts. If alarm bells start ringing and you haven't even met them yet, don't!

Add to msn and have lots of chats before you decide to meet, that weeds out loads and loads ie. if they are only ever on late at night, could be after wife has gone to bed...

Webcams can be good for checking out if they actually look like their (slightly fuzzy) picture and also for confirming they are telling the truth about where/who they live with.

Lots of other advice i could give, but there's some starters.

Oooh also, ALWAYS ALWAYS tell someone who you are going to meet and where, or take someone with you, any genuine person will be perfectly happy with this and encourage it, I know, because I've done it. Anyone that is cross/angry about that suggestion is dodgy :)

Good luck!

Untimately though, I'd still have a look round the men you know already, or have had flings with in the past, as potential 'f*ck buddies' (I hate that term). Far safer.

Agree with the Queen.

Always trust your instincts. Be ruthless.