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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Single Mums a threat? :)

29 replies

HappyWithLife · 20/10/2010 13:19

I've found that since becoming a single mum I am viewed somewhat suspiciously by some women who are either in a relationship or married. At the same time it seems that some men view single mums as 'gagging for it', and think we're fair game.
For example, a man I only met once but who had my number because of a business transaction, text me recently after our one and only meeting (his wife was there too) to say he was bored in his marriage and could we indulge in some mutual fun? WTF??? I was flabbergasted.
At the same time, women tend to cling a bit tighter to their partner's arms when talking to me, as if they fear I am going to pounce on their man just because I must be desperate! I know this isn;t just me as I've talked about this before to single friends. So what are your tales? I for one have found that I am far more discerning now, and have set the bar much higher as I'm sure most other single mums have.

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GypsyMoth · 20/10/2010 13:21

i have found this too,its hilarious!!

more about these womens own insecurities,nothing to do with us!

Original poster

HappyWithLife · 20/10/2010 13:23

Absolutley Sprinkledust...it's so refreshing when I am with friends and their husbands who are secure in their marriages so don't bat an eyelid at gentle bantering, or in depth discussions with their other halves. I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds it amusing

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GypsyMoth · 20/10/2010 13:29

i find i have more in common wioth other men now,as a lone parent.

we have to do all our own diy,explain football to ds's,take car to garage etc.....so i naturally have more to chat about with them.

EleanorHauntedHandbasket · 20/10/2010 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

HappyWithLife · 20/10/2010 13:32

And less to chat about with other women (except on here of course). A friend of mine, who is lovely btw, looked at me like I was mad today because I said I had to go home after the school run and out up a curtain pole. But if I don;t do it who will? Daren't ask a mate's hubby in case they think I want to pounce!

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SolidButShamblingUndeadBrass · 20/10/2010 13:33

SIngle women are a threat to everyone. For a start, we are proof that it's not compulsory to be in a couple-relationship, so some unpleasant men find us a threat because we might encourage their partners to dump them, by demonstrating that there are much worse things that could happen than being single. And yes, women who have not managedto overcome the bullshit conditioning that men are a prize women must* compete for, get very antsy when a single woman ie one who isn't under the control of another man, is in the room.

FreakoidOrgansandBloodoid · 20/10/2010 13:34

One mum from school has stopped talking to me since I walked to school with her husband a few times (we were just going the same way at the same time and our dc are friends) and she found out I was single. We used tochat quite a bit but since the day I said I was single she has avoided me.

Nobody else seems to have a problem though.

Original poster

HappyWithLife · 20/10/2010 13:35

Eleanor, abso bloody lutely! I have to say though that I think, especially after being in an absuive marriage, single mums take more care of their appearance than when they were being downtrodden and insulted all the time. I know I do.

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Original poster

HappyWithLife · 20/10/2010 13:37

Solid...yes single women, not necessarily single mums. It's just been a long time since I've been single and not a mum iyswim.One of my best friends is also always trying to set me up on dates...I don't want one! I'm happy as I am

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Original poster

HappyWithLife · 20/10/2010 13:39

Solid...that's exactly what happened to a friend of mine recently. She is friends with a single mum, and her husband doesn't like it, and makes her friend feel very uncomfortable when she comes to the house, all because she is single, making a success of it, and speaks her mind. He's afraid that she will lead his wife astray.

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FreakoidOrgansandBloodoid · 20/10/2010 13:42

Happywithlife me too, I can wear what I like now, wear nice clothes without him accusing me of trying to impress men people, wear make up without him having a go etc

Original poster

HappyWithLife · 20/10/2010 13:48

Yep...if I want to wear killer heels on the school run I will, just for the hell of it. Whereas before I had to be doing it for someone else's benefit . Er, no, I am doing it just cos I love my shoes! I briefly got back with an ex boyfriend and when he saw I had new underwear he was so put out and sulked....who had I bought that for? Who had I worn it for? Truth was I hadn't even worn it but I just saw it, liked it, and bought it.

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anothermum92 · 20/10/2010 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Saffyronron · 20/10/2010 19:26

Maybe that's why none of the mums speak to me at the school. I never get propositioned... I'd love a bit of flirtatious propositioning -it would do my ego no end of good!

PinkIceQueen · 20/10/2010 20:26

I have found this. Can't ask favours of anyone as the "wifey" thinks I'm out to steal their husband, very insulting! I also get "looks" when I say what I'm doing at the weekend ie, re-roofing shed/fixing fence panel/decorating/car maintenance. Who else do they think does these things?! I had a lovely bf (we went our different ways amicably)a few years ago, I never minded lending him out to any of my single g/f's that were having a diy/car crises :( sad world we live in.

equinox · 21/10/2010 06:17

Bloody ridiculous isn't it like others have said it is more about their own insecurities.

Yes a lot of men are backward and assume we can't possibly manage without a male in our life so think we are gagging for it.

People also assume we were dumped whereas in fact a lot of us did the dumping it is completely the other way round.

I also can't really respect women who are overly reliant on their partners/husbands to see to simple everyday things and also prefer to stick with their boring fellow married friends and moan about their men instead of either doing something about it or making their opinions known to them.

Daft isn't it?

There is a sorry lack of talent in terms of available single men out there which doesn't help matters as I for one would like a proper relationship but even the few that are 'available' appear to have communication/commitment issues.

I also have to say a great deal of the married women out there are dull as dishwater and not especially my cup of tea by any stretch of the imagination!!

UnlikelyFangazonian · 21/10/2010 08:11

I look a right fright, deliberately... so that I don't attract a man (don't want one thanks) and don't come over as a threat to anybody. It's also comfortable wearing wellies all the time.

onadietcokebreak · 21/10/2010 08:21

I found this when I was a single parent. Viewed with suspicion.

Sadly there is another group who are cold shoudered by the same sort- the dad whose seperated. My DP is regularly ignored by mums he used to chat to or walk school with. He left wife,she was a bully and violent- but they prefer to label him as a cheat cos that's why mum has put out at school gate. (he's not btw, but she had a baby within 9 months of him leaving-those mothers clearly can't do maths !)

onadietcokebreak · 21/10/2010 08:23

Excuse typos!

Original poster

HappyWithLife · 21/10/2010 10:01

Equinox, I ahve never been overly reliant on a man to do things that I could do myself, I'm very very independent and to be honest it's caused problems in my relationships ,apparently I didn't make my DP feel 'needed' because I could decorate my own bathroom, or drill a few holes, or find my way around without having to ask to be driven someplace. Can't win.
DietCoke...yes you're right about the seperated Dad, and exbf's wife walked out on him and his 2 boys, and when he met another woman further down the line and had a relationship a lot of the local people wouldn't talk to him - to their minds he had dumped his wife, taken her kids off her, and moved another woman in! None of which was true. Mind you it is a village so people do like to gossip.
Unlikely...be careful in your wellies...remember how sexy Felicity Kendall was in her wellies in The Good Life? Sex Siren she was . Am I showing my age now?

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chubbasmum · 21/10/2010 14:23

snap me too ive even being missed out on bbq invites because of my status, i should admit i am very sociable and take pride in my appearence my friend`s husband said to his wife infront of me this is how you should look it was abit embarrasing for her and i did feel sorry for her in a way and now she tries very hard to avoid me. I do admit i have less friends now than i had when i was married

Original poster

HappyWithLife · 21/10/2010 15:05

chubbasmum, rofl at your friend's hubby...absolutley priceless ...what a plonker.
Your social circle certainly decreases doesn't it? I am also very sociable, but I refuse to curb my enthusiasm for life for fear of upsetting someone's wife. I was at a village carnival a while back; a man I know only through association was there, with his (notoriously miserable) wife. I said hello and she openly looked me up and down. I did laugh to myself though. I'd hate to be that insecure.

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equinox · 22/10/2010 05:30

Who would want invites to a lot of these boring marrieds I am not saying that they are all boring but by far the majority.

The best thing as outlets for me is to concentrate on an evening class and a spiritual group which is a group focus activity. I therefore study kinesiology Wed eves and I go to my Buddhist meetings one evening a month and then one morning in the week as I am self-employed.

gettingeasier · 22/10/2010 16:42

Actually I am very lucky and my married friends have happily offered their Hs services to me mostly in connection with computers !! This is probably partly because I have been socialising solo with them and their H's for years as my xh always had better things to do than accompany me anywhere.

I fall into the wife who was lazy and happy to relinqish all diy stuff to xh and am paying for that now !!

UA I am not finding I need any accessories to keep men at bay

SolidButShamblingUndeadBrass · 22/10/2010 22:05

I do have DS dad as well as my own dad and my mate's DP on hand if I need anything mending (I am not good at this sort of stuff mainly because I can't be arsed with it - mind you, nor do I bake cupcakes or do much housework. I am an artiste and an intellectual and don't do manual shit, nothing to do with not having a willy ). Probably because my friends have always been a mixture of couples, singles and open relationships as well as a mix of straight/gay/bisexual (and pretty much all my mates are kind of non-mainstream people in some way) I have not really suffered too much from Noah's Arkers except when DS was a baby and we used to go to toddler groups.

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