Most of the time I spend banging on about how proud I am of being a single mum but deep down I am ashamed and upset of the circumstances around dd's birth.
I only new dds dad for 6 months before I got pregnant. I did love him but it hindsight he wasn't that into me and I was a bit desperate to keep him. We had unprotected sex although I did take the morning afetr pill but it didn't work resulting in dd.
I nknow it sounds silly but I knew I was pregnnat straight away. I'm ashamed to admit but I thought that a pregnnacy would bring us sloser togethr 
. I can't believe I thought this as I am a supposedly intelligent girl who's got a degree etc.
I have to admit I also got pregnant as I was worried that my biological clock would let me down and I would be too old to have kids. I have so little faith in men that I thought I'd never find anyone else to start a family with.
I'm currently upset about the way I was unsupported during my pregnancy and that he didn't want her. He put pressure on me to abort but I didn't as I loved her. Still do.
I'm ashamed that he buggered off to Iran (his mother's homeland) when I was 8 months pregnant and hasn';t returned. I don't want the connection with Iran.
I love dd to bits but I wished I'd had her with a different man, under different circumstances and at a different time. The timing has been a disatour for my career.
I feel like such a train wreck. Always have been.
Most of all I feel so sorry for dd with a mum like me who can;'t quite seem to sort her life out and without that strong sense of identity that having a dad brings.
TBH- I don't blame her dad for buggering off. I mean who in their right mind gets pregnant 6 months into a relationship. My best mate was pregnant after only being with her bloke for 1 month and I think I ''copied'' her. I'm not sure we are a good influence on each other. i am a total idiot.
How can I feel bettre about this? All I want is a normal family life but it just seems to be so difficult for me.