How do mums working full time do it?

[alisara]

I am currently in a part-time job (a long term temporary contract) I have recently been offered an extension until March but only if I do it full time. (I am currently searching for a permanent part time job or full time flexi although work is thin on the ground in my area).

I have a 12 year old dd.

I am worried because - I receive hb and wftc and worry that I will be worse off

I am stressed about coming home every night after 6pm, not having a lot of time with dd and how the hell do I look after my house!

This sounds ridiculous but feel on a saturday and sunday I will spend the two days cleaning, washing and ironing, shopping and to top it all off my mother is ill (which is another story)

I am dreading it all, so please lone mums and dads how the hell do you do it?

with great difficulty to be honest

I do work from home one day per week but if I don't do that then Im all out of sync

The house is not that clean and tidy becaus at weekends the dcs do sporting activities.

Tbh if my employer said I couldn't wfh for one day I would reduce hours or something else because I am at my limit

Sorry not very positive

Thanks Sincity.

I had a bad feeling that any replies wouldnt be positive - I am dreading this.

I feel if I was a permanent employee it may have been illegal?

I do it, lots of women do it successfully.

Not really lp anymore as moved in with dp, but I was lp and was in this situation. I did work ft and had 2 young dcs, now 2 dcs and one dsd.
How did I do it? Honestly? Cleaning lady one day a week, ironing shipped out, and low standards. This cost about £30 a week though so I understand it may not be feasible, I thought it was worth it to have a weekend 'off' and saved elsewhere. I swapped all my providers, changed my bank account etc and make this back. Not a rich bitch at all, I just thought quality time with dcs was worth it.
Batch cooking one evening for evening meals, this also saves money and time, invest in a slow cooker.
Also, I used to iron one evening a week with a film on, didn't seem so bad then when I couldn't afford to ship it out.
Also, Tesco deliver my shopping, this is my No. 1 tip. A lot quicker and often you can get money off with voucher codes off websites. Once you have done it a couple of times, it is a doddle and takes about 20 mins as opposed to 1.5 hours in the shop there and back.
DD is 12, she can help out a little, stripping beds, loading dishwasher/washing up, putting clothes away. Explain if she helps you out you will be able to do something with her on the weekend/evenings.

Your contract is not permanent, so the legalities are irrelevant. Your employer is not doing anything wrong and in today's employment climate, you are lucky to get an extension, a lot of my friends on temporary contracts in the public sector are being axed. I mean this in the nicest way possible.

You have two choices, do it or don't. Do your calculations and see what works for you. You are the one who has to live with it. Personally, I would rather be worse off than live on benefits, but not to the extent where it is unworkable.

I do similar to readywithwelliies.

If i cook a lasagne for tea i make an extra one (or 2 sometimes)for next week and freeze it, same with cottage pie etc so that means on busy nights all you have to do is bung it in the oven. Agree about slow cooker too, stick everything in before work then its ready when you get home, i do curry, stews, casseroles, spag bol etc in mine.

I also do my shopping online, do my order in the evening while watching telly then all you have to do is put it away when it arrives (i do a big order fortnightly then pop to shop for fresh bits the week i dont have an order), saves loads of time i find.
I also ship some ironing out to a friend.
I hoover round downstairs most days but upstairs is done just at weekends and the kids help with changing beds etc and keeping their rooms tidy.

It can work but you just have to probably be a bit more organised thats all.

You've only got one child and she is 12 it should be pretty easy tbh. I've got two have always worked fulltime, I do my own cleaning, ironing, gardening etc I just manage my time very well and when I cook I tend to make extra for the freezer. I also find time to be trustee of a charity, run, go to the gym and have a social life it's all about motivation.

Much better to be independent than state reliant, there is much wider choice of work too when you make yourself available for full time work.

Who looks after your dcs when you go for a run?

it is a bit tough but you do get used to it. You need a good routine in place to get out of the house in the morning. It also helps if you work for a really good employer who understands that being a single mum can soemtimes be a bit tough.I dont get home until gone 6 at night and spend the weekend trying to cram in housework and homework but so far its going ok. Im hoping to maybe cut my hours down when he goes up to secondary school but then Im not sure if this will happen as I will need the money to cover the school trips etc etc.

It is tough. I am very luck as my job is flexible, and XP is still very involved.

A cleaner is a must, if you can afford it. Best thing I have ever done.

Agree about getting your DD/DS to help with the housework.

We often have e.g. beans on toast for tea. I do try to cook batch meals and freeze them, but don't beat myself up if we have oven chips once a week.

I also go to bed as early as I can - this makes all the difference!

I met a few full time working mum's on my last holiday. Career women who seem to manage with a combination of childminder/au pair/nanny, or great family support. But then they were earning enough to afford it or had super amazing parents and ex's who helped out a lot.

I also met a mum last year who commuted to London (from Ipswich). She had 2dc one as secondary the other at primary. NO help from her ex or parents and couldn't afford childcare. The older one basically got the younger one up, dressed, fed, to school and back, cooked his dinner and she would get home around in time to get him into bed! She told me she couldn't manage without her ds1. I did feel for the poor lad, what kind of life is that for him. But we all have to make choices in life, that was her's I guess.

I think it really depends on your support network and situation as to whether you can do this. If you have good child care in place, if you have grandparents who can go to school plays etc. If you are happy and able to and your dd is confident enough to be at childcare each and every evening (and then whatever you have in place for school holidays) then you can manage. Tell her it's only until easter and then you're hoping to get something part time.

I only work part time, and I find it a real struggle to fit everything in tbh. Is better now ds has started secondary; primary were always expecting us to drop everything for some event or other.
You can't do everything and you have to see where you can compromise and what you can afford to get help with. I tried a cleaner but I was paying her as much as I was earning an hour and she wasn't great. I figured I'd be better off taking the time off work myself! So I've had two days off this week to do housework. Except that on monday got call saying pick ds up from school as unwell, and today I've been hoovering behind the sofa and I can tell you it wasn't a pretty sight.

When people say you have to let your standards drop you really do. Not everyone can cope with it and it can really get you down. Saying that living on benefits isn't easy, I did that for 5 years when ds was small. I'd never want to go back to that again.

Bear in mind your extension is only till March so you do have a bit of breathing room to find something part time till then. And it is only 6 months. If it works you know you can look for something else full time, and if it doesn't then you know it's part time you want/need after this contract is up.
I would say give it a go and see how it pans out. Assuming you have decent child care arrangements in place you'll both be ok.

I worked full time for 9 months when DD was 9 months old.
I had a cleaner and a dog walker but it was still hell.
I had no family support was was frazzled, to the point that i almost had a breakdown.

I then chose to take a few steps down the career ladder and work part time. This is workable, sometimes its a race, and a bit of a juggle, but its a lot better. Incidentally financially there is not a lot of difference. However, this may change with the new gotv.

In any case, i chose to be a bit skinter and have more time with DD , and have a better quality of life.

But like some of the others have said, it is only until march, thats plenty of time to give it a go, and be looking for something part time in the meantime..

Regarding the running, the youngest likes to ride his bike (8 years old) while I run. Helps keep the pace up :)

well - a) get a cleaner if you can
b) at 12 DC's should be helping out - you can do 10 minutes together ans chat whilst you do it at the end of each day
c) lower your standards
d) save the money you make on the extra day and agree you will both go on holiday with it if you don;t need to hire a cleaner with it.

I agree with the get a cleaner and would add accept you will eat take aways, so find people who deliver nice food.

I did find it alot easier with a cleaner but unfortunately cant afford that now

agree with all of the above:-

I have a cleaner once a fortnight
I order everything online
I cook easy meals and have ready meals for when I can't be bothered
I don't stress about the house being untidy
I pay for someone to do my garden twice a year
and I work from home whenever possible

it's alot of drudgery though, so you need to make sure you get a break, or make time for something nice for yourself as often as you can afford, like a massage or something.

You will get used to it, and become more organised, but it's a slog sometimes.

If you afford nothing else, let it be a cleaner and online shopping

I did this from when DD was 7 months old, no family or friend to help. If your child is 12 it sounds fine to me.

I did have weekly cleaner, not a luxury, but I saw DD for a total of 1.5 hours each working day and so needed to spend quality time with her at weekends.

If I could have afforded not to work wouldn't have done so, so exhausting.

I work four days a week in a very full on job. Yes to the above about being very organised and lowering standards. No kidding, it is hard graft.

There are benefits to working full-time. The obvious is you will have more money and better career prospects. Also on those miserable winter days, you're out of the house and surrounded by other adults.

I get enormous intellectual stimulation from my work and lots of good colleagues helps fend off the loneliness and isolation being a LP can bring. I'm not saying they are a substitute for a partner, but even when you are in a relationship you often spend more time with colleagues than your partner. Today I did lots of work but we also talked about the economy, winter coats and how to make pumpkin soup. I get very little of that from my five year old DD!

I think you can go to the job centre and they can work out how much better you will be off financially and what benefits you'll still be eligible for. Can't remember what it's called but I know other people on here have done it. I currently earn about £32k and still get child tax credit and child benefit.

Its not too bad as long as you leave some time at the weekend to play with the kids and for yourself.If you think your home will be immaculate then you will either be doing chores all weekend or pay out for a cleaner.
I went for the dishevelled but homely look!

Funny really I always thought I would love a tidy home but now my youngest has gone to uni I hate the order. Never mind Xmas hols soon and they will both be back,looking forward to their chaos again

I work ft and find it easy enough. I don't have a cleaner, but I'm a slattern anyway. I blitz the house once a week and ignore it the rest of the time. I don't do online shopping, but only because I like doing it myself (maybe I'm weird). All bills etc are direct debit, all bank stuff is done online. We had frozen pizza for dinner tonight and ironing - what's that?

I agree with going to bed early whenever poss.

I understand your fear about spending less time with DD. I suggest you have some rule specifically providing for time you spend together that is not spent on chores, eg. you both dash around doing household chores on Saturday morning, and then from midday onwards, it's whatever you like doing together.

Given that we don't know what's happening with the new budget, I would definitely advise giving it a shot for the six months. If you hate it, at least you're clearer in your own mind about the work/life balance that works for you.

Only getting a chance to look at this now - dd in bed!

Some OP i am

Well all very interesting and much as i thought - i do dread it though. I have got absolutely no support, my mother is ill and other than that i have just got my sister and she is working f/t as well (easier for her though) she is not a mum!

I am reading through everything and feel really upset - anybody would think that I am lazy but it really doesnt pay me, but if i dont take the position i will have to go on benefits and i really really dont want to do that - so f/t it is for me I just feel that i will have absolutely no time, for my dd and also for my poor mum and my home.

I've been back at work FT since March, DD is 18 months, Don't have any family support locally and generally never get time to myself or leave DD with anyone. I think I have got to the point that I am about to break - but recognise this and know I need to start taking things a bit easier rather than trying to do everything all the time as its relentless. I think I have just become quite obsessed with doing everyting myself and keeping on top of everything and just can't switch off anymore

I do the cooking meals and freezing thing.. guess thats a postive thing that my cooking has improved .

Try to do my washing on a Thurs so can get work stuff dry ready for Sunday night Ironing.

Cleaning I usually have a blitz every couple of weeks with doing bits of things every couple of nights.

Should probably try and get into the online shopping thing sa its becoming a challenge to get round the place with DD wanting to push the trolley rather than sit in it!!

Am sure I'll get there eventually though

I have worked full time since DAS was 6months, and been a single mum since he was 20 months. Hav ejust last couple of months dropped 3 hours so I can do a couple of school pickups.

It isnt easy, but if you are increasing your hours then spend some of the money on a cleaner for an hour or so a week, and plan like mad.

Alisara - you mention your mum is ill, don't want to pry but is there any help you can get for her, might be govt funded (carers etc)? Might lighten the load a little? Or be completely wide of the mark, just something to consider.
Your attitude to this is the most important thing, if you are negative it will be negative.