SOCIAL PHOBIA

[Esmin1]

Hi to everyone-

I am a mother of one 3 year old girl I suffer with social phobia depression and low self esteem. I was adopted by my birth mother when I was a baby because she too suffered with mental health issues. I have found members of my birth family, but lack confidence in visiting them mainly because of anxiety. I am under my local mental health services and have been since I was 17 now 29.

I have been separated from my daughters father for nearly 2 years now. We share the care of our daughter; I have always struggled from the beginning at being a mum it was difficult from the start to bond with her. My daughter has started going to nursery 5 days a week 3 hours at a time. The nursery is half an hour walk through a busy town. I managed to take her from Monday to Wednesday before I started to feel overly anxious and paranoid about the people I pass in town and the nursery workers. Her father had to take over and has also been looking after her for the past 2 weeks nearly because I can't cope with her.

I feel at a dead end to the point of ending it all on occasions. I feel completely useless inhuman in fact. When she is with her dad I don't always miss her, I get frustrated with her too easily. I want to boost my self esteem by doing something worthwhile for society but its so difficult when I feel anxious of most people for most of the time. I do have a couple of close friends but I even feel anxious round them! I have to ask family members to ring me before they come round and most of the time I have to make up some excuse why they can't come round. I'm in all day and my house is a mess! I rarely get the enthusiasm to tidy up. Worst thing is i don't remember ever having any real enthusiasm for life :(

I wish i could change my state of mind but it never changes, is there ANYONE out there who has had a similar life out there?

might be worth trying posting on the mental health board as well

could you move closer to the nursery?
can you go back to the MH team and say you need more specific help?
are you involved with homestart/surestart eg having a volunteer visit you once a week?

Hi thank you for your reply

Which mental health board is that?

At this point in time I am in supported housing which i can't move from for another year.

I have made clear to the mental health team of my problems and they keep saying there are waiting lists for certain therapies like psychology and psychotherapy. I have already been on a 6 session anxiety course and another that was similar that lasted 12 sessions

I have had homestart help briefly but it just doesn't seem to make much difference!

I don't want to sound like im chucking what advice you have given me back at you but i feel im a hopless case with no way out

To be honest i wish i could have someone live with me and look after me! but i can barely put up with any person for long ive never had a drive to be independent which is worrying i feel all these years of hiding away has left me with a younger mind than my actual age. My daughter on the other hand thankfully seems to be turning out to be completely opposite to me, social able independent and happy which is wonderful

something is happening right at least :)

here under health
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed

that is great about your daughter - but you do contribute to that too. maybe you and her father can give her a good balance.

Hi cestlavielife thanks again for your reply

I will check out the mental health section on here thanks

Yes I feel that the balance we have given our daughter so far is a positive one. I just worry that it will slip with times like these where her father is caring for her mostly. Your advice is welcoming; It has helped me to feel a bit more affirmative about the future
Thanks again

Social Anxiety Disorder/Social Phobia is a very debilitating condition. I know because I suffered from it for many years. I was diagnosed and had treatment a few years ago.
CBT definitely helped me get a foothold to beat the condition.
I then got help online with an internet forum called Social Anxiety UK
I then found support by joining support groups and gaining help/advice from other sufferers.
Triumph Over Phobia and The National Phobics Society may be able to help you find a group.

Another more recent development is
Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy
I have been going through an extremely stressful time in the last few months, it really has helped turn a corner to getting well.
There is a book you could read that could help The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness The book in my experience can help with stress reduction, anxiety or depression.
There is also an online course you could try run by the Mental Health Foundation

Hope some of that helps

hi esmin - read this the other night so hope the week has been a better one.

i noticed youd had homestart help in the past - tho you didnt think much of it. i looked into working/volunteering for them a while ago but was told they didnt give hands on help to people.

the thing is ive raised three kids myself and know how hard it gets in allsorts of ways. ive been lucky enough to work for years as a gardener/handyman after my career went pear shaped.

not sure where i'm going with this except you did say youd like to give something back - well i often feel that way - so what kind of help would be useful? just looking for ideas really as the winter is normally the quietest and i may just pester homestart:o