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do I ask this man out for a drink? and many other questions

43 replies

BellevilleRendezvous · 15/09/2010 21:28

sooooo the first completely eligble man I have met in RL (as opposed to internet) has just spent half an hour in my house. I volunteer for a local group, and have just taken on a more senior role. He's the level above so came round just to talk through what needs doing. I haven't met him before.

he is in the right age bracket, he is single but not too recently single, intelligent, solvent, well mannered, like minded. he lives locally, I found him physically attractive.

I have no idea what he thought about me beyond the fact that I am a helpful useful person who has taken on more work.

Now obviously I know I should just ask him out for a drink - but if I do and he says no it is going to be pant-wettingly awkward as we will work together in the future, he may tell other people so all the people I volunteer with will know. argh.

I won't get an opportunity to see him again in person for a few months, so it's not like I can build up more of a rapport.

If I just call or text re a drink after 30 mins of casual chat will I look needy, desperate, stalkerish? Should I just wait until we've met a couple more times (but that is weeks and weeks so chances are he will get to meet someone else in the meantime!).

Will stop wittering now. Please help!

OP posts:
MollysChambers · 16/09/2010 16:35

What happened Belle??

BellevilleRendezvous · 16/09/2010 17:00

haven't heard from him ...

but I didn't sent it to his work email so he may not have seen it

it doesn't matter about this evening as he can still reply and say sorry couldn't make it, how about another time. or give me the opening to ask more obviously.

or if he ignores it completely, then he's not interested and that's fair enough. I don't feel like I have embarrassed myself.

Feel good for trying even though so far the outcome is a tad disappointing, I was most worried about humiliation.

thanks for all the help and support, I will let you know if I do hear from him one way or another!

OP posts:
elastamum · 16/09/2010 17:54

Good for you! Dont take it personally if he doesnt come back to you, dating is a complete minefield for us mums and you never know....

Hope you hear from him soon Smile

Tippychoocks · 16/09/2010 18:13

He might just turn up? If he hasn't seen it in time, he is bound to email back and that gives you a perfect time to suggest an alternative Smile
Have a good evening.

crispface · 16/09/2010 21:11

Does he work for a big company? Might not accept emails from eg hotmail/yahoo addresses? :)

Remotew · 16/09/2010 21:21

I wouldn't ask a man out for a drink, personally. Can see that you haven't asked directly. Hope he turns up anyway.

BelleDameSansMerci · 16/09/2010 21:31

Belle - hope you've had a lovely evening and just wondering if you have any updates Smile

BellevilleRendezvous · 16/09/2010 23:54

hey there. had a great evening. he didn't turn up but another lovely man did! like buses at the moment. just had good fun having drinks and chat and gentle flirtation - which is perfect and uncomplicated.

abouteve Hmm we're living in 2010 had you noticed?

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 17/09/2010 07:36

Woohoo - I'll be stalking you around MN now to get updates Smile

I saw a man I've liked for a while in Sainsbury's yesterday but, sadly, I'd just been spray-tanned (off on hols tomorrow) and looked like an oompa-loompa so kept my head down, got my shopping and legged it!

Tippychoocks · 17/09/2010 07:52

yay! Bet you'll get an email today.

MollysChambers · 17/09/2010 09:28

Ooh get you Belleville! Glad you had a nice evening.

Abouteve - Why on earth would you not ask a man you liked out for a drink???

Remotew · 17/09/2010 09:53

Belleville, Yes of course I've noticed. I've had vast experience of men Blush enough to know that if a guy wants you he will go through hell and high water to ask you out/let you know. That's the reason I wouldn't do the asking, same as dreaded internet dating, the ones you contact are usually meh about you but if it's the other way round they are much more attentive.

Just my experience.

Glad you met someone interesting last night. Let him ask you out. Grin

Tippychoocks · 17/09/2010 09:55

He might not feel able to abouteve because he is sort of Belle's senior colleague-ish/work superior and may not feel he can. I think she's right to give him an opportunity to suggest a proper date without exposing herself too much (so to speak,fnar Grin)

MollysChambers · 17/09/2010 09:59

Hmm, yes Tippy I agree that exposing herself would have been a bit too "forward" Wink
(Sorry Belle...)

BellevilleRendezvous · 17/09/2010 10:40

lol definitely not up for exposing myself!

personally I can't be bothered with all the rules crap about chasing / not chasing / calling / not calling. I don't bother playing games as I haven't got time, and I'm not exactly out socialising every night to give men the opportunity to chase me. I could sit at home hoping someone will just knock on my door - or I could take an opportunity when I see it.

anyway man #1 hasn't got in touch, but has the option if he wants. man #2 was good for flirting but a bit young for anything else! looking forward to a quiet night in on my own this evening!

thanks again for the support and advice everyone.

OP posts:
BellevilleRendezvous · 01/10/2010 09:08

just coming back with a very tiny update (in case anyone is interested!) ....

had to email Eligible Man about something else and he has come back to me with a rather warm and chatty email to say sorry he's been away, how about we go out for a drink or coffee to talk about it. also said sorry he didn't see the message re the drinks until after the event.

so I am not saying this is a date - but a lovely email and the opportunity of going out and getting to know each other a little better. Smile

OP posts:
thesunshinesbrightly · 01/10/2010 11:31

woooo how exciting - he sounds lovely.

QueenofWhatever · 01/10/2010 21:22

Very exciting! We demand regular updates so we can live vicariously as we sit on the sofa and MNet of a Friday night .

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