child maintenance-lack of-prat of an H

[SpiritualKnot]

Just wanting to vent!

My H, who I'm divorcing for his adultry, has decided he is giving me £0 child maintenance after 19 years of marriage. He says I can afford it all on my own and unfortunately as I've paid everything on my own for our marriage, I can't disprove it, even though I'm buying him out by increasing the mortgage, which will cost an extra £150 a month. He just refuses to believe me, even though it's all written down in black and white.

Showed him today that the £250 he was meant to give me actually came off what I would have spent on the kids and he just said "Tough". Now I'm giving my son £100 a month for college instead of the £325 I was going to give him and spending £25 a month less on my daughter.

Would rather have nothing as he'd be like yours and expect me to account for it, but my kids will suffer because of it. Can't stop paying for anything else as it's all essential stuff, mortgage, bills etc. He says he will put £100 a month in a savings account for my dd, when she's 18 (she's now 11). Hard for me to believe as he hasn't saved any money in the past, whilst I have made regular savings for both dc.

I know I could go to CSA, but not whilst I live in the same area as him as he'd freak out.

I'm very worried that the judge will say that I should be giving him more as he may presume that H will be paying me child maintenance?

Some men are total prats.

ANother vote for forgetting all about the idea of staying on friendly terms. This man is an abusive parasite (I seem to remember some of your other threads) who isgoing to become more and more unpleasant; you need to get the full force of the law in place on your side then he can be clobbered if he starts acting up. Unfortunately quite a few policemen are domestic abusers, these days though it is less likely to be covered up by their colleagues and there is a higher chance of a copper who abuses his family getting the sack.

Thanks for your replies. Yes, I think he will get more unpleasant. I've bought a lockable box to put all the important documents in and bills and stuff so he can't access them.Won't leave it where he can see it obviously, as he'll go mad.

Daughter has started after school clubs this week, so finishes at 5pm each day, so I'll be back for her each evening, don't know how many weeks they're running for.

Spoke with the solicitor today. Gave me 2 options, either go for the pay off and then do CSA if needed.

Or be upfront and ask for child maintenance to let him know it's needed, then he has a choice of doing it voluntarily or via CSA.

Going for the former. Solicitor thinks I should move things along as quickly as possible.

Don't know why he's being like this at all. I thought he had everything he wanted and was happy. Why would he want the mother of his kids to be unhappy and stressed, as this will only, potentially, have a knock on effect on the kids?

When I look at this thread, I'm thinking that I want to move.I can't bear it, I've stopped going out in this town and the next one as my H and his girlfriend work and patrol in these areas as do their colleagues and the thing with the key makes me realise how much he still thinks this house is his.

Would it be better just to put the house up for sale and go for a 60:40 split in my favour? I've been reluctant to do this as I've always paid all the mortgage and still am doing. He hasn't lived here since March 2010.

He's moved in with his girlfriend, although technically this isn't until October as he's still paying for the flat he rented until then.

Do you have to go for a 60:40?Is thatwhat the solicitor suggested?
Can you rent the house and rent somewhere else or is that pure madness? I don't know much about financial logistics.

As he and the OW are police officers then I agree they are going to have a high profile in small towns. If you want to move then move if you can. At least he wouldn't be able to treat a new place like his own. Can you downsize a bit to make your life easier financially?

Move if you can, talk to your solicitor again or check on the legal forum.

I would also post copies of all important documents to someone you trust, maybe your family (they live in another part of the country I think?).

Have you spoken to Women's aid?

Haven't spoken with Women's aid. Went on the website and it looks like it's more for physical abuse?

Have asked the solicitor to send him the letter saying the payoff with no maintenance mentioned in the letter. Have taken cae of the douments.

May put the house up for sale after and move somewhere smaller to rent for a while. Haven't spoken to him recently. The deal is for child maintenance to stop after the financial agreement and divorce and he has stopped now.

Will struggle once extra mortgage in place to pay off H, also son not received full scholarship after all as not lived here long enough to qualify for second one he had applied for, statutory child benefit just gone down to one child.

But if I move it'll be ok I think. Just trying to get the timing right, not helped by H not filling in and returning forms sent to him from my solicitor. Don't know why he's so slow about these things?

Do go to Women's Aid it is not just for physical abuse, and after all you ultimately are threatened because you can imagine it might become physical.

"on't know why he's so slow about these things?" It is because he is still trying to control you, so he wants everything done his way.