Does anyone else feel lonely but not ready for a relationship? Ramble alert.....

[TheLifeOfRiley]

I left ex 8 months ago and have enjoyed it being just me and DS though sometimes I have thought it would be nice to be dating as I miss adult conversation. I signed up to POF but I deleted my profile yesterday as everytime a guy suggests we meet up I wobble and back out! Am I weird??

I guess I'm not ready yet and that's fine but I feel a little sad and worried as although I am comfortable being single I know I don't want to be on my own forever.

Other points weighing on my mind
- DS is autistic and I'm worried this will a) put guys off, and b) mean I just don't have the time or energy for anyone else.
- my mum has been on her own sinceshe split with mydad about 20yrs ago and she is desperately lonely and needy and I'm scared of turning into her
- horrid horrid ex is seeing someone new who is nice and normal and he is happy and I feel quite bitter about it as he treat me horribly and yet he is happy and dating again and I am stuck at home alone.

I have been on my own now for just over 1 year, apart from a 2 month 'fling' which was more hassle than it was worth. However, I can clearly see now that the two more long-term relationships that I have had since my ex-husband and I broke up (8 years ago) were a huge mistake. I just threw myself in when I should have taken time out - they were both 'rebound' relationships which should never have gone any further than a couple of dates if that! Then, a few months ago, I started seeing this guy and he had just come out of a relationship so I did a lot of reading about 'rebound time' etc. He wasn't for me but it helped me realise where I had gone wrong and what I don't want to do going forward. Also, it made me take a long and hard look at the type of man I seem to end up dating only to then become very disappointed and frustrated.

Now, I haven't had a date in 4 months and I'm starting to think that getting asked out will be harder than I had anticipated - or being asked out by somebody nice! I have signed up for a couple of dating sites but I'm now starting to realise that guys just totally lack self-awareness - you should see some of the messages that I have received and what some of the guys are like!!!
Somebody who I have known for a long time and who has offered to help me with various practical things on quite a few occasions mentioned the other day taking me out for a drink / meal / cinema but when I replied that it'd be nice I never heard back! And yes, I did only say that 'it would be nice' as opposed to asking for a copy of wages slip and bank account statement ;-)
Right now though, I am enjoying the eye-candy that I've got sitting next to me at work until the end of next week. He is just SOOOOOOO good-looking and friendly...:-) But I've told myself to not even get any ideas as a privately educated, London based, dashing young man like him would never be remotely interested in someone like me. So there you go: I am either on the strong side of realistic or I have a serious self-esteem problem which so far has driven me to go for someone who will never live up to expectations but has prevented me from going for someone who is more likely to make me happy :-)

Thanks Antalya1, I think its a bit of fear too to be honest, I think since having the wee one I have forgotten what it would be like to actually have intimate contact with a guy... even to the point of thinking I might have forgotten how to kiss!!! ... I could be really bad (not that I know if I was good before, but at least I never worried about it then )

The relationship with DDs father was very short and only a pleasant experience for an even shorter time.. so there is no love lost there and we don't have any contact. I do feel though that this has damaged me as a person and perhaps made me feel like I have little to give to anyone else.. I suppose this is what worries me.. wondering if I can get back to how I used to be and actually want to be with someone again..

PS.. Stella.. I like the eye candy idea... just a shame that there really isn't any in my office that I would call 'candy'.. think they are more 'savoury snacks'

RHG: he's a contractor hence the fact that he's good looking. As far as the permanent males are concerned, you could go around the building with your eyes shut and you wouldn't be missing out on anything! :)

I've decided that I'm craving romance and the whole courtship but that is all - maybe I should just send myself some flowers! My ds and I are having a wonderful time, summer was great even though we didn't go away and after much hard work from us both, life is finally going as we want it to (apart from my job which is trully rubbish but pays the bills) and the thought of sharing any of that with somebody or even making the effort is rather 'irksome' which may seem extreme but there you go. Therefore, I can totally relate to a lot of the posts here.
I do feel lonely at times and I also have thought of myself as 'less deserving' in some ways because I'm not longer 25, I've got an 11 year old, etc, etc. Oh, and I don't want any more children which pretty much rules out most men my age. I'm not prepared to compromise on that one though and on that note, it's amazing how many guys totally ignored the 'absolutely crucial' bit of my profile on the online dating sites in reference to not wanting children. It takes me back to my previous comment about guys in general thinking that they are that irresistable (what woman wouldn't want to have childre with me, right? ) or just wanting a 'bed buddy'!

Lovie - it is a damn sight easier for him to go out and find someone new. He is not a lone parent to a young child and you are. "Simples" X was very smug about the fact he found a new mug girlfriend. Err, yeah, well you've had 6 or 7 nights a week to go out on the pull and no childcare responsibilities. It would be rather pathetic if you couldn't find some poor muppet to go out with (not met her, she may be a nice person but I pity her putting up with him). Really, it doesn't matter. Focusing your energy on you, your son and buidling a new life is what counts. You do not have to be like your mum and you do not need a man to make you happy. If you meet someone along the way to building a new life, great but don't build everything around that. Make more friends, get out more and do things whenever you possible can. To borrow from a survivors's saying "The best revenge is living well" (and an unmumsnetty hug too)

Well...just come back from a date, my perception is that it went surprisingly well, laughed and got on well together...but this one may be a little hard to read...so let's see what's happens....he did get my interest!!!...however I do think that f it comes to nothing I will just leave it and be single for some time to come....