When will he ever learn? If you want a relationship with your child you have to contact them and not tell them that they "f*cking behave like this every time I see you"

[belledechocolatefluffybunny]

because it's not the basis for any sort of relationship.

Poor ds, his father decided to visit, he sent a text message yesterday asking to see ds, he's been over here since Wednesday and decided to see everyone else first before ds (again), ds already had plans to meet a friend and go for a game so we worked around his father, his father wanted to spend a little time with ds at a nature reserve which ment he missed his game, ds asked what time he could go back/how long it would take to get there and back (he asked a few times as his friend was waiting for him), his father turned to him and shouted "you f*cking behave like this every time I see you, just go to your game", poor ds was really upset. He did go to the nature reserve because I went with them, ds later said he wasn't surprised I left his dad if this is how he treats people I'm so angry, now ds doesn't want to go to visit him at all, I've been trying to help him establish a relationship with his father for years, he never calls ds, never emails, see's him once a year. Ds never calls or emails either, ds is 11. I give up. What would you do?

Oh belle, my mother tried for 22 years to make my father be a father and what she actually did was set my sister and i up for hurt and disappointment over and over again.
Just as we'd forgotten or forgiven the last incident, because you've only got one dad my mum would basically engineer a situation where he'd have the opportunity to fuck it all up again.
I wish she'd lost his number when we were 5 and 3 tbh.
Haven't spoken to him in 8 years and finally my mums given up too.

I've asked him repeatidly for notice so I can make sure ds isn't busy, I called him and left a message 3 weeks ago asking when he was coming over so I could make sure that ds had nothing planned, he didn't even call. It was a text message saying "who's phone is this?" the day before. I should have ignored it, ds's day was all planned, he was meeting his friend and playing a games wokshop game with him.

Belle - stop it, you're tempting me and I was going to go and have a bath and put my jammies on lol

Seems like the NHS is pretty crap at some of that stuff.

Deadbeat dads, at least my ex pulls his weight that way although he's a knob at times in other ways.

Ds's maintenance has never increased, I did actually ask him for some more money as my outgoings have rocketed. He said he had to buy new tyres for his car He sent a text yesterday saying he'd buy ds some things from games workshop when I'd asked him for some help with his school uniform as it's ££, he gave me £40, enough for the blazer but his wife went shopping and brought their daughter bags of clothes as they are cheaper here. They did this last time they came to visit, never asked if ds needed anything.

I'd go to the pub but babysitters are very hard to find.

Belle - my ex is supposed to pay for half the uniform for school.

And don't even start me on all the nice clothes that have gone awol up to his over the summer

It sucks.

Ds's uniform at one school cost me £450, his grandfather brought his blazer. I had a problem with his school fees once and asked for some help, he wouldn't do it and sent me an email detailing a state school 10 miles away and calculated how much maintenance he'd given me, very fucking helpful. He has no idea how much I shell out, tightarse with his regetta jacket and his wife with a 2 carrot marquis cut diamond engagement ring. He thinks it's OK to take ds out for an hour when he comes over once a year, do something fun with him and drop him off. This isn't a parent. He's not around to give ds support or advice when he needs it. I don't care about the money, I care about this alot more.

Right, off to burn cook some supper. I'll be back later, enjoy the soak in the tub.

The wine is in the fridge.....

Send him an email asking him ater his performance on |satuday - hwo the fuck do you think I am going to be able to coinvince your ds to see you next time you come to visit?

Put the ball firmly back in this shits lap and tell him that there is now way now after his stupid outburst every time he comes thatyou can get your son to put up with the critisms and nastyness each time.

he had better email aor phone and say sorry for shouting when he kept asking the smae question and was ignored repeatidely - no one should be ignored and then shouted at for it.

Then fly away for a weekend break next time he visits and let your ds know that if he doesn't want to keep putitng up with this shit you will support him.

If I thought it would make any difference ivy then I would, he really doesn't get it. He thinks that ds should go over and see him, before he shouted at him I gave him some weeks and he said no to all of them. I have been waiting for an appology message so I can pass it onto ds but it's never going to happen. He was even jealous of the way ds used to look at me when I was feeding him as a baby ("he never looks at me that way").

I will take ds away when he visits again, I have a year to save up as this is how frequently he visits. He's a class A tosser, I just feel really sorry for his wife and daughter, I wouldn't sit by as my husband told my 18 month old that their hair was a mess, poor child. He's a bully, if this is how he speaks to her god knows what he says when they are alone His wife didn't say anything, I told her that her hair looked lovely