Property and lifestyle dilemma. What should we do?

[PropertyNewby]

Facing a property dilemma and we just cannot see a solution.

Everyone around us seem to be able to either buy their dream property or see clearly what path to follow whereas we feel a bit lost.

DP and I are going to be in the position to purchase our first property over the next year or so thanks to a small inheritance that will help us with deposit. We live in a lovely part of town near great schools and DS goes to a lovely nursery. Easy commute to work and everything we need at our doorstep. Issue is, this area is very £££ and with our budget we can only afford to buy an apartment (thanks to flat prices stagnating). If we moved further out, we could easily get a house but that would mean changing DS’s nursery and also having to apply for schools potentially outside of applications deadline, as well as having a longer (and slightly more £ commute). I am also very used to city living and having all the amenities I need at my doorstep and a type of lifestyle where a car is needed all the time scares me a bit.

Should I just bite the bullet and get the house even though it would mean we’d have to change our lifestyle massively or should we stay in the area we currently live in and get a flat?

We are mid 40s and only have 1 DS.

It depends on the lifestyle you want. My personal view is that you are better off with shorter commutes and spending time with DC rather than long commutes that knacker you out.
I don't think gardens are that useful for DSs in general unless they are massive, as football, cycling etc all seem to need a huge space so I've always ended up going to parks rather than have them.play in the garden

My commute is currently 45 min door to door (which isn't much for London). In another area it would be close to 1 hr and 15 min I reckon with less trains. Schools are an uncertainty whereas now I know where he'd go and how connected to the station it all is etc.

I know DS would enjoy a garden as he gets very excited when we visit friends who have one. I'd also like one myself as I love gardening.

I've known lots of longterm renters in London in the exact same situation -- in fact, I've known quite a few people stay renting in their familiar place because they can't afford to buy there.

In your shoes I would absolutely stay where you are and buy a flat. The flat/house thing is a non-factor for me, especially if you're going to remain a family of three and aren't needing to cater for more children. We lived in a 1.5 bedroom flat in central London for years, and loved it -- we only moved when we moved away from London entirely (which was a big mistake in itself, but not relevant to this discussion).

Stay in the place you love, and that works well for you in terms of nursery, work, schools, amenities, commutes etc. You will hate a burb that offers none of that for the sake of a house with a garden.

@GettingtheElectric thank you and sorry to hear that you have regretted leaving London. I hope you have adjusted to the new location.

If I could find a flat with garden here I'd be very happy, there just don't seem to be many around :(

No! I gave it nearly eight years, and then we decided to leave the country altogether (Brexit made it even less pleasant being an Irish person where we were, and it felt too late to return to London)! But very happy where we are now (close to a city centre, walking distance to galleries, cinemas, work, DS's schools, also with beautiful coast not too far).

I imagine garden flats are rare enough. But I wouldn't obsess about a garden, certainly not for the sake of your child -- he's fascinated now, because a garden is rare in his life. We have an enormous garden now, but DS is now at the stage of going for a kickaround in the park with his friends, so it's not so relevant to him any more.)

Only you can decide what is the right lifestyle for you. Long commutes are always awful though. Have you considered a radical change? Like moving out of London to another area altogether, with new jobs, lower cost of housing and living with ability to have a house and shorter commute?

If you can afford to stay in London and it's the lifestyle you love then buy a flat. Many families bring up their children in flats and London has plenty of green spaces to take your child. Even a flat with a roof terrace (which we have) will be enough of a garden for you to enjoy.

It's the classic London parenthood dilemma. In your shoes I'd stay where you are given that the schools are good. We chose the house further out, but that was because the schools were dreadful near our Zone 1 flat (25 years ago - probably all changed now!)

I would stay where you are. A short commute and good schools nearby really improve your quality of life. If you're in London there are parks everywhere anyway.

Location location location!

I wouldn't give up a good school and extend my commute for a garden - you will lose an hour each day with your son, possibly for his entire childhood.

It is wonderful you will be able to buy a flat in such a great part of London

@blackcherryconserve I'd love that but where we live most flats don't have a balcony or a garden, unless they are basement flats or very expensive fancy maisonettes :(

@calligraphee It's not central London tbh, actually quite far out but still London-ish and a great area to live (for us at least)

@wearefreespirits no we wouldn't do that, our life is here

Agree with the location location location posters. I'd find it very easy to make that decision in your situation. Flat in your preferred location for sure.

@TheLongpigs I wonder if that's because I decided to post in the London board here on MN as in real life I get the opposite views of people thinking we'd give DS a sad life in a flat and a garden would make it all worth it

I'm with the "stay where you are, you love it" brigade.

Outdoor space is nice I agree but with all housing it's a compromise. I'd stay where you are and keep an eye on garden flats or flats with some other outdoor space for sale.

You’re settled in a nice area with a lifestyle that works well, and suits your family needs. Get a lovely apartment, and continue enjoying the benefits. Most of us have a compromise or several to make when investing in property.

I'm not a Londener have no desire to ever live in London (or a big city). In your situation I'd still go for the flat, I agree location is key and good schools are worth there weight in gold. So if your happy stay where you are.

Get into house plants if you like gardening, there is loads you can grow indoors.

I've always had a large garden for my children and can't imagine not being able to open the door and let them explore freely, enjoy nature and play outdoors independently as they want. That said, there are plenty of children who are raised in apartments and get on just fine. Different isn't necessarily worse, just different.

Aren't balcony permacultures a thing? That would be a great project.

Ultimately other people’s views don’t matter, it’s your life. Perhaps these people feel a garden is high enough on their priority list that they’d sacrifice the good points of their current lifestyle, or maybe they’ve just bought into the enduring narrative that when you’ve got kids you MUST leave London lest they grow up in a mouldy tower block and join a gang.

If you love your lifestyle as it is then buy a flat. FWIW one of my parents is a London native but they moved out of London before I was born, and the London parent used to take me down to visit a lot as a kid. I used to berate them something silly for not staying in London and raising me there. I now live in London as an adult and while I don’t want kids, I’d still choose convenience and city life in a flat over a house because that’s my personal preference. There are a few garden flats in my area, have you widened your search criteria a bit to see if garden flats can be found?

I've always lived in flats (1 DC). Location is everything! The only caveat to that is outside space - Garden isn't necessary, but I think no balcony would be a deal-breaker for me. We get so much use out of ours as soon as it's even remotely warm (Saturday was nice!); coffee in the morning, sitting out having a glass of wine, even just having the door open on warm days. The flat is the compromise - try for the balcony if you can. Best of luck :)

Does this inheritance have to be used for a house deposit? How else could you invest it?

A different approach would be to use the inheritance to buy somewhere else that you can rent out. I’m not advocating being an “accidental landlord” - you’d need to do your research and get set up properly but that way you’re on the property ladder in a way but could continue to rent where you are now.

I would look for a one-bed garden flat with a big garden that you can extend into so that a lot of your living space is light and without upstairs neighbours and extra bedrooms are at the front. I've seen this done a couple of times and it seems like a great compromise to me.

Honestly, I live in London pretty central and have a small garden. My kids never ever played in it. We live near a park and so it was always footie in the park with mates. The only person who uses the garden is me !