Property and lifestyle dilemma. What should we do?

[PropertyNewby]

Facing a property dilemma and we just cannot see a solution.

Everyone around us seem to be able to either buy their dream property or see clearly what path to follow whereas we feel a bit lost.

DP and I are going to be in the position to purchase our first property over the next year or so thanks to a small inheritance that will help us with deposit. We live in a lovely part of town near great schools and DS goes to a lovely nursery. Easy commute to work and everything we need at our doorstep. Issue is, this area is very £££ and with our budget we can only afford to buy an apartment (thanks to flat prices stagnating). If we moved further out, we could easily get a house but that would mean changing DS’s nursery and also having to apply for schools potentially outside of applications deadline, as well as having a longer (and slightly more £ commute). I am also very used to city living and having all the amenities I need at my doorstep and a type of lifestyle where a car is needed all the time scares me a bit.

Should I just bite the bullet and get the house even though it would mean we’d have to change our lifestyle massively or should we stay in the area we currently live in and get a flat?

We are mid 40s and only have 1 DS.

I think it depends on whether you are thinking of growing your family op. I agree with others about the convenience of having a smaller property but you need space when dc become teens.

The other thing I would take in to consideration is potential high charges for renovation work. Sometimes it makes more financial sense paying towards fixing your own roof or drive or whatever it is, rather than constantly paying towards the upgrade of a communally owned property but you are probably already aware of that.

I would stay in the flat. Get an allotment or do some green volunteering if you love gardening and your son likes being outdoors. Owning a garden is expensive and time consuming. Especially if you have 5+ hours a week if additional commuting. I was in your position but two kids so bought the house and regretted it. It is also massively more expensive to heat and maintain the property.

I think a basement flat might be worth the compromise if it comes with a garden, as long as you feel secure enough. Also as a pp says it may be possible to extend into the garden if it’s big (but this will require freeholder permission if leasehold, and budget of course).

Of course the ideal would be ground floor flat with garden but appreciate these may be rare where you are.

Once my kids hit school age the garden got used a lot less and we’ve never had a big enough garden for bike riding or cricket etc anyway, gardens are mainly nice as a place to be outside on sunny days and a balcony or small patio does that.

I live abroad where we pretty much all live in flats if in towns/cities, including families with children. It’s perfectly normal out here. We just go out to the park a lot or do other outdoor activities. Yes we do have balconies as it’s a warm climate here, and I would feel a bit stifled without, but in the uK I’d probably find it less of an issue.

I would definitely pick the location over a longer commute, if it’s just for the garden.

I'd love a nice and spacious balcony, there just don't seem to be many around here and the properties that have one are either ugly new built or ugly ex LA flats.
@minipie basement flats concern me for security reasons and also lack of light, especially here in the UK.

@bowlingalleyblues sorry about that. Can I ask why exactly you have regretted it?

Yes the heating/electric bills are also a consideration, and the cheaper cost of heating a flat may offset what you pay in service charges (that’s not to say you don’t need to scrutinise the lease and the charges to make sure you’re not being ripped off - you definitely do!)

I remember the threads on here when energy bills shot up during the crisis and people were paying high hundreds to heat their houses. My flat has never gone above £65 a month for gas and electric! (Granted that’s a tiny flat but the point is it’s a huge energy price saving compared to a house)

I have an hour and 15 min commute and it's really tiring and I get in late. I don't have small children while doing it, but I imagine it would be really hard - plus what do you do when school calls to pick them up!

It sounds like if your DC is in wraparound care on your commuting days, he'd almost certainly never be in the garden in the week? So it would be of benefit for some weekends when the weather's OK. And after a certain age, they're off at the friends or in the park anyway. I'm not sure that it's worth all you'd be giving up.

Definitely go with the better location. You'll have more time as a family. Loads of people live in apartments in cities, all over the world. And realistically, you can't expect to buy a 'dream home' with your first property, buy what works for you now. The weather has been so crap this winter, much better to be central and make the most of all the great free stuff for kids in London.

For me, it's not just about a garden. I lived in flats in London before and moved a little further out (zone 4) to get a house. Living in flats there was always more noise, cooking smells etc. from neighbours. And leases usually include rules about the way you can live, for example whether you can have pets or not.

I'd love to have a shorter commute but overall the benefits of a house matter more.

@viccat we have 2 cats actually so it would be vital to find a place that allows pets. My understanding speaking to EAs is that converted blocks or maisonettes usually don't have issues with pets, especially cats as they are not noisy like dogs

Yes I understand about security and light.

It might be worth considering the ugly ex LA ones though, especially if a small block with lots of owner occupiers, ugly outside but they can be made very nice inside and you get a lot more for your money. Some have large communal gardens which could be fab and sociable for your son.

Pet restrictions are generally for renters IME not owner occupiers buying a leasehold or share of freehold. But do watch out for service charges, crap managing agents and upcoming works bills as PP says.

I would defo go for location and good schools. Time is absolutely invaluable as a parent, even when you have a teenager. Agree about getting an allotment if you want to scratch the gardening itch.

If you like the city lifestyle etc but are struggling to find garden flats or balconies, I would just widen the search a bit , but in areas where schools and nurseries are good and similar commute time and a good park on doorstep - - many good options OP, even if it means switching nurseries. I wouldn't automatically think move out a fair way and house. My son didn't use our garden much after the age of 5, and being honest neither did we for vast amounts of the year. maybe it's different if you have multiple children but with 1 I would go with what suits 'you' - I too would want a balcony or patio though at minimum - makes a big difference mentally I think- not for your child, but I think for you.

And one thing people often don't factor in is that unless you are in zones commuting is expensive if it's multiple times a week

Some leasehold flats (for ownership not renting) do have clauses in the lease about not having pets but I don’t know anyone who’s actually obeyed them or been in trouble for having a pet. It’s just something the freeholders put in because they want to make money out of you requesting a permission note to have a pet, which they charge you for. Others expressly permit pets though (mine does) or don’t mention them.

Stay central as long as the flat is big enough for the 3 of you crack on and get an allotment or buy near a park or whatever.

My first flat was 100m from a park and i never missed having a garden tbh.

On the commute...I didnt mind a longer commute in my 20s (i did 2 changes and it was 1h15m) but honestly that feels like such a shag now i have 2 kids. My current job is one 40min tube ride with a 5 min walk either side....and that feels close to my max capacity 😅

I'm not a Londoner and live in a flat by choice. The alternative for us was a house in an area we didn't like. We haven't regretted it once. Some people in the UK are very weird about flats but they aren't you so don't let them peer pressure you into choosing featureless suburbia.

I agree with the stay in London posters - and I live in the countryside! If you add an hour to your commute every day, your child isn't going to spend much time in the garden is he? It'll be much later by the time you pick him up from kids club/childminders.

Also, most kids don't really play in the garden that much I'm afraid - mine do on a weekend, but only for an hour or so, and you could just as easily go to the park.

I'd stay where you are and try to find a flat that has a park enroute from school/nursery so DS can have a run around on his way home and then when he gets back he'll be ready for indoor time. Fewer trains and a longer commute is a fast track to misery IMO especially during strikes....

@londonmummy1966 "fast track to misery" lol, I like that! Although it seems to be what most people aspire to!

@PropertyNewby ignore what people aspire too OP. Aspiration and reality can be very very different.

@Crikeyalmighty so true! It's just hard when you are torn between two options and 99% of people around you seem to follow a specific direction. I fear I might be making the wrong choice and then regret it when I go around to their lovely houses with garden and think I could have made it work

@PropertyNewby you know what- nothing has to be forever- with a young child I would do what works 'for the next 4 or 5 years' and I don't think that will be long and expensive commutes that will work - however there's always the option of staying exactly where you are and seeing how easy it looks to find suitable jobs nearer to areas you could realistically get a house- or at least one of you- as I said commuting can easily add£400 to £600 a month extra and if it's going to cost the same to buy a house as a flat - that's £400 to £600 'on top' - as I said earlier I personally might look at slightly different areas if it means you can get a flat with a balcony or patio or even a bit of garden - and look at switching nurseries. No idea what area you are in but as an example think Crouch End/ Muswell Hill as opposed to say Hackney/islington etc or Kingston/surbiton as opposed to say Richmond. Gardens mean work or paying someone to do them and big commutes and full time work won't exactly give you pots of time.

Second order effects. If you move and get a garden, you also need to maintain it - either yourself or by paying gardeners.

Do you see yourself doing that happily, OP?