Returning to London

[hmmmyeah]

I’m sure there’s been loads of posts like this before but I wanted to get some opinions that were neutral as possible. It’s a long one so stick with me.

A few years back we left London for the south coast when I was pregnant with my first. We had grown weary of London life and wanted a change of pace. We both have family miles away from where we were but hoped we could make a life for ourselves by the sea. We loved where we lived but found it so so hard to have no support (friends or family) and started to really struggle. After wrestling with it for months we decided to move closer to family and to my hometown.

Ffwd 2 years and another baby later, and I’m struggling again (to which I keep asking, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME 🤦‍♀️).

We love our family very much but the close proximity has become increasingly difficult. I think I’ve changed, I’ve become more opinionated and honest, they would prefer it if we all just continued to ignore things and keep it all simple.

The support has been helpful and the relationship my kids have with family is a delight. But I’m struggling. I don’t feel myself. I’m not sure I want to live long term or bring up my kids where we are. And I miss the opportunity and life in London.

I am missing it so much but can’t seem to square whether this is pandemic brain / post baby brain or real life.

I know London has its challenges and I know that having small kids is a struggle everywhere. So I’d love to hear from those who still live in London with small kids or have brought their children up there. How are you being away from family, do they still have good relationships with them? What do you struggle with? What do you love?

And probably worth adding, my partner suggested we try somewhere new again but I just don’t think I want to go through the challenges of trying to meet new people. I’d prefer to go back to where our friends are. Also worth noting my current job and majority of similar opportunities are based there.

I’d recommend You buy in area you can afford and that suits eg transport,vibe etc
All my family live elsewhere and it’s not usually a problem (pre-COVID obviously)
Career wise London suits me, and I’m settled.kids in nursery and school
sure london has its detractors and frankly they’ll never love it, so no point labouring all the advantages to them
IME Either you get london or you don’t

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee it’s nice to hear from someone who is just settled there. We were very settled pre kids but got itchy feet which I think was me wanting to settle down with kid and not really understanding what that looks like IRL. But two kids later I feel like the life my kids would have there would be great, and I miss that when we do have a rare night off we can go somewhere bloody lovely! Is there anything you find challenging? Re buying: this is 100% what I want to make sure we do. I don’t want a massive mortgage that keeps us stressed and overworked.

I lived in London for 10 years and tonight I was promising my nearly 5 year old that once Covid is over we will plan an amzing trip there, with the theatre, and open top buses, tower bridge, the South bank, great places to eat, the zoo, the parks, the science and natural history museum, going on the tube and driving the dlr and on and on and on.

I really miss London. Ive beem gone around 6 years. I'm not sure if i wpuld want to live there with kids (the pollution, cost and it being so crowded put me off) unless I had A LOT of money, but I wish so much we could go there all the time! London is amazing.

If you were to write london down,it wouldn’t stack up.wouldn’t make sense
The travel,the cost,the arse ache of somethings but you know what it doesn't deter me. I love london,the people,the vibe,I’m not from here but Christ yea I’m a Londoner

The upside, the views, the vibe, folk i meet,the work you get to do. Feeling you live somewhere really significant, somewhere with huge chutzpah

I have a toddler and live in London; I also grew up in London albeit I grew up in the suburbs and now live fairly centrally. My parents also live in London albeit the other side of London so slightly different. I can't imagine living anywhere else. Sure, we live in a ridiculously overpriced flat and could move out and buy a house with a garden etc like people we know have but - as my brother once said - we couldn't possibly live somewhere where we didn't have a 24 hour Tesco express at the end of the road! Seriously though, it just works for us. Our jobs are in London and both of us would rather have a shorter commute and more time at home than spending hours on a train every day. DS is exposed to so many different things living here - his nursery is incredibly diverse, we have so many good restaurants on our doorstep plus, when DS is older, there will be so many museums and parks and things to explore.

I grew up in London and miss it and always will. Can’t move because DP’s business is here, but would be back in a flash otherwise. I think a lot of the people allegedly leaving now will be back v soon. There is something about london - just opportunities for everything from fun to food to easy flights abroad (in normal times) to millions of interesting people. And it’s more beautiful and cultured than almost anywhere else in the world.

@BlueRaincoat1 I’ve been promising my three year old the same! There will be a lot of kids cashing in those post Covid trip promises!

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee THIS! It’s the thing I struggle to articulate without sounding like arsehole but I LIKE living in London even when I’m really pissed off with the downsides. My hometown isn’t a place I love being, and I loved being in London. I used to talk about where I lived with pride and perhaps I’m a bit of a dick for feeling like that’s important 🤷‍♀️

@mynameiscalypso this is a massive factor for me. My kids growing up somewhere that exposes them to all the people and things life has to offer. My oldest is 3 and I feel like he’s just reaching the stage where London will become a place that has a lot to offer for his little brain!

@2020quelhorreur Exactly! It might be exhausting at times but it’s also so exciting. So much to discover. And if we can move somewhere that also offers a smaller neighbourhood too then we can have the best of both. Now I just need to keep working on convincing DP.

Maybe consider another big city. I lived in London for many years but moved to Manchester for work. It has all the big city advantages but it’s quicker to get about and housing us cheaper ( not that much cheaper anymore). South Manchester is full of BBC types who moved from London, and they all seem pretty settled and happy. Lots of 24 hr Tescos too.

I felt like you OP and moved back to London after a few years away (also on the south coast). Don't regret moving back at all - moved back with a 2 year old and was pregnant shortly afterwards (plus older children). Think it's a brilliant place to bring up kids.

@Copperblack this has been a discussion and my DP has suggested a few other big cities, though Manchester is bloody lovely! I’m just not keen on starting out again as we have already have friends and some family in London. I found it really hard when we moved somewhere new last time as I ended up just making mum friends which become quite children centric.

@SuePreem oooo this is good to hear! I don’t know many people who have done I’m this so it’s nice to know I’m not totally mad in thinking that I’d be best off in London.

I have four kids between the ages of 16 and six and live in south-easy London, zone 3.

We did consider moving out when DS1 was younger but with DH's job/hours it didn't add up.

And I wouldn't dream of leaving now! Not only would DS1 and 2 probably leave home if we tried it, lockdown had really made me appreciate my community here. We don't have family nearby (I'm from NI and DH from NW) and DH rarely gets home before midnight, but friends from the boys' schools and neighbours have become our family. Family you get to choose.

During lockdown we had access to glorious parks and woods on our doorsteps and were able to bump into friendly faces wherever we went and stop for a socially distanced chat. We all looked out for each other and the more vulnerable members of our community and honestly the humanity of it all was life-affirming. And when the shit hits the fan, these are the people I turn to!

Yes, living in London has downsides, but it has so many upsides! You couldn't pay me to live elsewhere.

South-EAST London 🤦‍♀️ Although I quite like the easy like Sunday morning vibe 😁

@Sleepthief urgh YES! This is the kind of thing that I think non London people tell me is a little rose tinted. So nice to hear it from people who have settled in London.

We live in London (suburbia London). Our teens have been born and bought up here. I like it, 25 minutes to central London, lots of green spaces, conveniences like coffee shops, restaurants etc on our doorstep. I feel like it will good for the teens as they grow up with work opportunities, transport etc. The downsides are traffic and the number of people. I constantly think about moving away and we probably will when we retire.

We dont have family nearby so spent lots of £ on childcare. No longer needed of course and we are used to not having family help.

I have lived Manchester,london, Glasgow Edinburgh and they all have respective merits
But I love London, really. None of Ldn makes sense if you stack it up and yes I know the cost of london studio flat would buy a house elsewhere, the travel,it’s busy ....yadda yaddda. Despite all this there’s a huge pull that always gets me

In london I’ve lived both north, and south. On balance preferred sarf London
I’ve Worked N,S, W and E

If you move back to London, what's your budget, and what do you want for that money?

@hmmmyeah there is also the fact that there are a lot more people to choose from in London!

3 yo in zone 2. We have a flat with a garden which helps but three great parks in walking distance and in non covid times loads of museums and activities which are all free. Mixed race family and don't feel like we stick out which helps.

I find life is different- not many playdates at home as few people have space so a lot more park meet ups etc.

We live in zone 2 SE London and have a two year old. I love living in London. I can't speak for other parts but the south east is really child friendly and the schools are good. The only reason we might consider moving further out is to buy a bigger place but I'm hoping when we do move we stay in the same area.

@BIWI budget should be enough for a three bed in the area we’d want. It would be a significant downsize from what we have now but I think that will be the compromise we have to accept if we want to live there.