Returning to London

[hmmmyeah]

I’m sure there’s been loads of posts like this before but I wanted to get some opinions that were neutral as possible. It’s a long one so stick with me.

A few years back we left London for the south coast when I was pregnant with my first. We had grown weary of London life and wanted a change of pace. We both have family miles away from where we were but hoped we could make a life for ourselves by the sea. We loved where we lived but found it so so hard to have no support (friends or family) and started to really struggle. After wrestling with it for months we decided to move closer to family and to my hometown.

Ffwd 2 years and another baby later, and I’m struggling again (to which I keep asking, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME 🤦‍♀️).

We love our family very much but the close proximity has become increasingly difficult. I think I’ve changed, I’ve become more opinionated and honest, they would prefer it if we all just continued to ignore things and keep it all simple.

The support has been helpful and the relationship my kids have with family is a delight. But I’m struggling. I don’t feel myself. I’m not sure I want to live long term or bring up my kids where we are. And I miss the opportunity and life in London.

I am missing it so much but can’t seem to square whether this is pandemic brain / post baby brain or real life.

I know London has its challenges and I know that having small kids is a struggle everywhere. So I’d love to hear from those who still live in London with small kids or have brought their children up there. How are you being away from family, do they still have good relationships with them? What do you struggle with? What do you love?

And probably worth adding, my partner suggested we try somewhere new again but I just don’t think I want to go through the challenges of trying to meet new people. I’d prefer to go back to where our friends are. Also worth noting my current job and majority of similar opportunities are based there.

@Saltn one of the things I’m struggling with is what will be on offer for my kids when they are older. Little ones just need a park but as they get bigger London has so much more for them

@Twilightstarbright think that’s what I need to get my head round, is how things can be a little different in pace. I need to spend more time there post Covid to understand better what that looks like with little ones.

As someone who grew up in suburban London,as a teenager we had a lot of independence due to the public transport so were able to do quite a lot. Purely anecdotal but my uni friends from naice towns and idyllic villages seemed to do a lot more experimenting with drugs perhaps because they were bored?

It depends on what you mean by London but I live in Zone 5 (28 min to Waterloo type place) with kids ranging from 12 to 8 months.

I’m from costal wales and have definitely toyed pretty seriously with the idea of moving back on occasion. I moved here almost 15 years ago with one welsh friend, back when you could do that because it didn’t cost the earth to do it.

We spent almost a month in wales over the summer and I have never felt happier to get back home to London. We live in a fairly green part with a couple of royal parks and a few NT places too so the vibe here is quite family orientated and not particularly edgy. My eldest is in secondary school and the other older 3 in a lovely primary and this has always been the no.1 reason for not leaving. I think leaving an area with younger children who are just in/ haven’t started school would be so much easier.

My other concerns around leaving London are that we’d never be able to afford to come back.

In terms of meeting people, when you child starts school I find it a million times easier to meet friends. Non kid friends I’ve met through work or hobbies/ exercise.

Down sides of London are that it’s super expensive and the distance from the sea makes me sad.

@Twilightstarbright that was my experience growing up too in a smaller more sleepy place and definitely something that drives me to want to stay here for my children’s teen years.

@hmmmyeah. My eldest has turned 15 during Covid. I am pretty sure she would have spread her wings a bit more and started going into town this year. Mh youngest is only 13 but he goes out every weekend to local parks and coffee shops. He certainly has alot more freedom than my nephew of the same age who lives in the country.

I’m from the north but have lived in London 20 years. We won’t leave, our street have been great, we are having carols tomorrow and are 12 minutes from Paddington. Move if you can afford it.

Three kids under 7 and living in zone 3 here.
My family live up North, but I have a distant relationship with them and don’t like the area they live in (Brexit voting rural type of place with little to no public transport.) so no point moving near them. Have thought about other cities but partner’s job is London based.
Also considered Kent coast, but felt it had the potential to be bleak.

London suits me (and the kids) because we like galleries/museums etc going to restaurants and the convenience of it all. I grew up having to do a 40 minute drive to get to shops and cinema, so like not having to do that.

I appreciate London isnt for everyone, I’m not bashing the countryside, but it does feel exciting (to me) to live here. I always felt like growing up where I did wasn’t interesting, you can’t say that about London. Yes, it’s grimy in parts and a bit rough around some edges, but I like that. I live near a Hindu temple, a mosque, there’s many different languages spoken on my street and in the children’s schools. Plus, as most people who I meet my age with kids are incomers, we’ve bonded really well (and share similar views).

Maybe consider another big city. I lived in London for many years but moved to Manchester for work.

The problem with places like Manchester, Birmingham, Newcastle etc. is after London they are just so small. Yes they all have similar attractions and facilities, but to a lesser extent, you don't have the choice.
I left London a few years ago after death of DP. Sold family home, helped out our two DCs with proceeds and moved to Kent. I'm moving back, hopefully next year. I miss it, I've been to other places but they just don't cut it.

London is a great place to bring up kids, and a great place to be a kid. The new ultra low emission zones are tackling pollution levels (depending on where you live). Yes, you get a smaller house but you don’t need to have a big house when there are parks, galleries, museums all on your doorstep. Its a different way of living - you don’t own everything, you share it.

The countryside always makes me feel a bit claustrophobic in comparison. You always seem to have to spend a lot of time driving from one privately owned bit of land to another!

I've always thought I'd stay in London but am starting to have doubts purely because of the pollution levels. I have a child with asthma and obviously there has been a lot on the news about the poor little girl who died.

There's nothing else I would change. I don't even think it is that expensive anymore. Whenever we go elsewhere (Wales, Scotland, other parts of SE) the restaurants are no cheaper for example. As there are really great cheap and cheerful cafés/restaurants with food from across the globe here. A decent coffee costs the same anywhere.

Public transport can be hideously expensive as well as poor quality and infrequent elsewhere.

Also I love the countryside but we have a family car and can be in the countryside in 30 mins (we are zone4)

You could look at living in one of the outer boroughs (Zone 3/4) where you will still have access to some green spaces but will be closer to London life.

Whatever you do though, wait for all these lockdowns to end and assess what will happen to house prices next year.

I have loved bringing my kids up in London.

Sunday’s when they were little at Tate Modern, The Hornimann Museum, a range of brilliant parks.

Then the range of projects open to them as teens, music, art, youth theatre, a choice of skate parks within easy reach, brilliant travel everywhere.

We have been lucky to land in a great community, built around the school gate and also the road. Parent networks are strong.

We go camping and walking at weekends and holiday times, Sussex, Kent, S Downs are all so close to S London.

I thought I would want to move elsewhere when I stop work and kids flown., but I am in transition to that stage, and want to stay.

Hi OP

Do your friends still live in London and do they have kids? You may find that one by one, they gradually all ship out too. So you may move back and find that it is a different place

That happened to me. I was the first to leave and then slowly they're all following suit and moving out and buying bigger houses

Is it just longing for your life as a young, child free person with an active social life?

I also think it takes years to settle in a new place. You have to stay still for a time and let the roots take hold

I love living in London. I used to live in the Home Counties and decided to move closer to my job so I can spend less time commuting. It's been 7 years and I am always thankful of that decision.

I have 2 kids, one is a toddler and expecting another. We are about to move to zone 3 so we can get a bigger house but I think that's far enough.

On a typical weekend (pre covid) we will be in Covent Garden within 15 minutes. We will explore a museum, we will have lunch out (last time it was the transport museum and Korean). We will then walk over to a park and let the kids feed the ducks and the squirrels.

With my eldest we go to shows monthly. We go to the Royal Opera House (only for the ballet still).

We both work full time so it does get hectic but it would have been hectic anywhere in the country. We also enjoy leaving London for holidays and trips to the south coast. But overall we love the vibe! And we have loads of friends who like us decided they wanted to stay in London. So we have a reasonably active social life.

@lemonsquashie yep! Lots of our friends have had kids and stayed/bought houses/have kids at school there, and are relatively committed to being there. My brother is also there. This is why I don’t want to move somewhere totally new. When we did that we loved the place but the loneliness was dreadful. However to your point, a few of our friends have done similar to us and moved out once babies came along.

@Dogsandbabies I’m expecting that it would be fairly hectic at times but think I’d like to spend more time there with the kids when that’s possible to get a better sense of it. Sounds silly but I kinda want to see how I manage things like public transport etc with kids in tow.

I loved living in London when I did. When young and career hungry and with a v young family. We've been rural now in cornwall for a decade and wouldn't go back. For me it was a specific time and place. I look back very fondly and am grateful for the memories. But there's no going back.
Op have you properly tried to be independent of your south coast family? And make friends of your own who aren't connected with the way back past? I ask because o moved back to an area where I went to school and sometimes it can be a little claustrophobic if you don't make new friends and networks.

@RainingBatsAndFrogs this all sounds lovely!

@Requinblanc I really need to wait 🙈 I’m one for jumping to decisions. My DP is the absolute opposite so the middle ground is giving it a year to see life post Covid and think it all through/do our research

@scentedgeranium that’s exactly what I intend to try and work on more while we are thinking this through. Creating our own community outside of my family. But your point re the claustrophobic feeling of being back home is so so true.

I think career is also a big one for me. I am aware that while the kids are little there’s other priorities needed from jobs but once they are a little bigger I want to be able to push forward with that again. The sector
I work in is very much London based. Though appreciate this is changing because of the pandemic

Anywhere is going to be easier to settle into with school age children to be honest.

I'm bringing up 2 kids 10&12 in London and it has been great for them. Social and cultural opportunities galore. Rubbing along next to all kinds of people different to them and similar to them. I don't know if this is a London thing it just a modern kids thing but they are both much more confident and self possessed than I was at their age. I love going on public transport with them - BUT I really didn't when they were small!

My sister is close by though. But my other family is far away. We manage.

I knew pretty soon that I had made a mistake in moving out, but like you my dh wasn't up for moving back. In the end I was away nearly 5 years. I love bringing up my chidren in London - the schools (state) are better, there is heaps to do, and they have loved being teens here. They are confident.

I love that it's diverse, and they have friends from all walks of life. I love that we can spend days in galleries and museums, that we can go to different parks, that we can get the bus to a show (to be fair we don't do that often, maybe a couple of times a year) or the theatre.

It means I don't have to commute and miss hours out of the day. All the jobs at my level in my field are in London and as I need to work for many reasons, i don't want to commute or move away.

It means that I am living with my tribe (sounds poncey, but it was difficult to find people like me out of London - for e.g. they had their babies much younger where I moved to! - I was basically friends with other people who had moved out of London). On a personal level, I like shopping, eating out, going to cocktail bars. I like people watching, going to food markets, going to galleries.

I'm also single now, and the dating field is better in London.

if I thought that the children had a better upbringing elsewhere, I woudln't have come back, but if anything it's proved to be the opposite for me -I think it's a fab place to bring up children.

Raising two DC in London, very happy, zero desire to go anywhere. We have a nice house and garden, plenty of green space near by, and I love the public transport, the culture, the buzz, the opportunity, the career benefits, everything. Love that my DCs' school is a five minute walk away and all their friends live in a close radius. Love having so many quality schools around. Love the richness of activities and resources. Love that by 11 or 12 the DC can get themselves around and we won't spend our lives ferrying them. We do have DGPs about 50 minutes away in the Home Counties who we see reasonably often, but other than that we don't have family "nearby" and that's fine with me, we make trips to see them during the year (normally). We have lots of good parent friends locally and we help each other out if needed.

If you really do love London I would suggest finding an undersung area which has good schools but isn't fashionable and has some good green space. There are quite a few dotted around from Z3 outwards. I live in an untrendy but wonderfully friendly area of West London which has lots of good schools.