I want to come back to the UK

[abitlostandconfused]

But can't seem to put my reasons into words to explain to a husband that is happy here (Australia).

I am just not settled.

We're here on temp visas until October 2011 when we can apply for PR but the thought of staying beyond then fills me with dread.

I feel that if I pressurise him into coming back to the UK it will finish my marriage but at the moment I just can't find the words to explain why I don't want to stay. He asks me too and then just says I need to make more friends here! Christmas was bloody horrendous. We were with his family (they are amazing) but it was their Christmas and not ours. DSs 2nd birthday is probably going to be the same. If it was the UK our garden would be full of family, loads of friends and a bouncy castle. It just doesn't happen that way here.

The pull of family and friends is just too strong.

I am going back for a visit in September.

See what I mean? I just can't explain why this doesn't feel right to me.

Has anyone felt like this before?

What did you do?

I'm so pleased to have found this thread - I've been living with DH in the south of France for 2 1/2 years and I just feel like I'm in limbo.

We've got a great house that we could never have afforded in the UK but since the recession we can't afford to do any renovation and it gets you down when you find another leak!

We both work from home so our language skills are coming on so slowly - I try to speak French but some people seem really irritated by the fact I struggle, like when you have to sort out some shitty little bit of paperwork and they roll their eyes at you!

DH and I were talking about this this morning and realised that there isn't any where else that we'd like to live - our friends are scattered across UK and our parents are at different ends of the country, so it's not like there's a place that it makes sense to move to. I also think we're impatient - we want the house done now and all the paperwork done now, but even french people say they find it hard to understand some stuff!

I think the poster that said having loads of money is the key - but we don't!

I'd just love to have someone to meet for a coffee, but anyone I have met is either loads older (retired with lots of money) or a real cling-on types that wants to just talk at you all the time. Where are the normal people!!!!???

My advice is get permanent residency and then you have choices. I went to Australia with 2 friends and both of them are still out there, married have fantastic careers and a wonderful life.
I came back for family reasons and whilst I don't regret returning home I wish I'd applied for residency so I could go back in the future, it's much harder to return with a family.

Feeling blue. Maybe it's the Christmas season but another wave of sadness is upon me . I'm going through the feelings that I tend to go through twice a year. I want to go back to the UK. We are living in the USA at the moment but feel I have had my fill of the 'expat' life.

The 'long holiday' of fun travels, nice living etc has worn thin and seems shallow and lonely. DH doesn't understand how I feel. Think he is as fearful as I am about how it would be to move back ... we have been in this new town for nearly 2 years (so not so new), still no real friends. After 12 years out of the UK, moving around, not making any real friends I'm drained.

Sound like a broken record to DH, no RL friends to talk to about this, so just want to vent, sorry.

I think living an expat life especially when you have children becomes more and more difficult when you get older, at least it does for me. I have been in the UK for 20 years, but would love to go back to the Netherlands. The trigger for me was the death of my mother, which came quite unexpected. It is such a feeling of loss, like how it could have been, had we been living there whilst she was still alive. Now, I just want to be closer to friends and family. But going back after such a long time is not so easy. Apart from everything else selling your home, facing the terrible exchange rate, seems such bad timing!

Hi bbc

I think you're right, seeing our mothers start to really slow down as they get older is hard. I miss being able to pop over to my mum's and MIL's to check on them during this bad weather. My kids really miss out on spending time with their cousins. I think for expats, maybe even the happy ones, Christmas is a time when we feel sad to be far away from loved ones.

Sorry about your mother. I am really lucky to be close to both my mum and my MIL. I miss the nurturing friendship they offer, (IYSWIM).

Yep, you're right. Moving back just isn't going to happen at the moment, kids happy at school, DH mostly happy in job (actually just happy to have a job!). I really am thankful for all that we have and life is generally good (we have everything materially we need) but I have an aching loneliness that won't go . I'm trying to work through this because it could start to consume me

Frost, I really feel for you - I was feeling like this about a week ago (but feel much better now, was just a bad day or two I think!). I think the holiday seasons are hard - I tend to feel more strongly that I don't "belong". But two years is not very long to properly settle in one place - I have been here (in the US) for nearly three and some/most days I still feel like I don't have any proper friends. It will come, it just takes (more) time.
Venting on here helps as well, I think!

Thanks howdoo. I very much have ups and downs and realise Christmas is not an easy time when I'm in a down time (or am I down because it's Christmas?) . We are heading back to the UK for Christmas and I'm so excited. This will recharge my batteries until the summer when I will have an other visit...oh dear...doesn't seem very settled but it's the only way I think I can survive.

I know 2 years isn't long to make friends...it's quite an effort to find just even a couple of friends. I'll persevere.

Had better day today, maybe because I went Christmas shopping for pressies to bring back to England, that seemed exciting, the thought of seeing everyone soon.....and I enjoyed some retail therapy for myself!

Frost - I know just how you feel. We've been here in Oz for 8 months now, and after the initial 3 month blip, I had been starting to feel more settled - and have made some aquaintances (not real friends yet, but at least some people to talk to). However, I've found the last couple of weeks really tough going, and a bit part of me just wants to go home. I think for me, it's a combination of being 31 weeks pregnant, and Christmas coming up - I can't believe it's only 3 weeks away, as I have never felt this un-Christmassy. If I was back home I would be starting to feel really festive and excited, but I just can't here. And I'm finding it hard hearing people both here and at home talking about meeting up with their families and what they are doing on Christmas Day. At the moment, I think we are going to try to have a completely un-standard Christmas - we will do the presents, but we are planning to go to the zoo on the day as well, just so that I don't spend the time moping!

It's also the long summer holidays coming up here as well, so the toddler groups that I go to will be stopping (from next week), and as that's my main social contact with other adults, I know that it's going to be more lonely anyway.

Am hoping that once Christmas is over, I will start to feel a bit more settled again. It's just such a hard time of year to be so far away from friends and family.

I havent read the whole thread but I do know the feeling youre describing. I had it too. Just an unsettled feeling in my stomach that never went away until I came home. Unfortunately DH has it too - for Australia - which means one of us will never be happy. I couldnt even tell you what was wrong with it, in fact I prefered it on many levels, but DH is pushing to go back and I dont want to. If we do that I'll be stuck there forever :(

Another homesick Brit ...
My worry is that after 10 years away I won't feel at home anywhere and feel in limbo forever.
I moved to Norway to be with my partner, lived there for 6 years, it was so hard in the beginning and although I learnt the language and got a good job in the end, it never felt like 'home'.
When my partner got offered a job in Sydney we jumped at the chance, we have been here 2 years now and whilst I love Sydney, it will never be 'home', for example, I will never get used to Christmas in the summer and can't shake the general feeling that it's too far away.
Our visa runs out next year and we will return to Europe, but the question is where?
My partner wants to go back to Norway and his family are putting lots of pressure on us to go back there (we have 3 little children, so they see it as their right as we took their grandchildren away).
Thing is, I don't want to go back to Norway, makes me feel sick thinking about it. On paper it would be so much better for us, we have no disposable income here in Oz and financially things would be easier for us in Norway. I have the feeling that I want to go back to England, but am worried my partner would hate it, especially as we have no 'base' there (compared to Norway where we own a flat in Oslo and could approach our old employers for jobs)and worried money would be as tight as it is here. My little girl starts school in Jan and we have to think about school too (she is v. shy so don't want to uproot her more than need be)
So that's where I'm at, feeling abit in limbo really.

Just another voice of empathy! I have only been in my new country for two months, and for the first time I'm feeling homesick. I think one poster mentioned feeling that you 'don't belong' at this time of year, and that's how I feel. Back in the UK I know how everything works and where to shop for this/that...here, it's all a challenge plus there's the language barrier!

I am lucky as I am not far from the UK and I'm going back on the 21st for Christmas.

It's just that sometimes I feel very small, and that mu surroundings are very big and alien...if that makes sense

I love Australia, everything about it (except the 40o heat!) but I hate this time of year over here!

It isn't Christmas, it can't be! It's summer! We bought a real tree the first year we were here, on a day that was 42! We couldn't even decorate it, it was too hot in the day, so we did it at 9pm!

I want the cold, the wet, the short dark days. The roaring fire. Dressed up warm for Christmas carols, carols by real candlelight!

I get so down this time of year...and watch the Christmas specials on UKTV & wish I could be there! And I don't like it that dd1 & 2 will never know anything different!

Eralc, where are you?

lynniep, you & your dh are me & mine reversed. He can't explain it, just says that 'Australia isn't England, and England is home'

Either place we are in, one of us won't feel at 'home'

I'm unbelievably happy here (smug smiley) probably because it took us 7 years to get out here (we applied for PR in the UK after backpacking here for a year), but also because we had a few problems with DH's family so it feels like we "escaped"!

However, I cannot get into the Christmas spirit! I haven't bought ANY presents, even though the posting deadline is fast approaching and will probably end up trying to order everything online at the last minute for an absolute fortune! Its just too hot for Christmas..!

Loving this forum, just scanned the opening discussions and it's exactly where I am in my life. I'm not happy here, but we made the move - hubby will carry on until the death because it's makes better financial sense than going back to England. I live in France with DH and two kids, Some days i feel physically sick with homesickness, I miss my MUM and my Sister and my Brother. I have been young, naieve and foolish, and now I want to reverse and go back. I said to myself last year, "well you made your bed, so you're gonna have to lie in it", it's making me ill though. Don't get me wrong, we have friends, jobs, things to do, it's just that none of them "ring my bell"....I miss home, fish n chips and the pub,come back england, all is forgiven.

H all homesick peeps

Been off MN for nearly WHOLE week, busy getting ready for our trip back to the UK. Lots of shopping for pressies, and warm clothes for us. This has been a great distraction....maybe I have too much time on my hands the rest of the year and the homesickness creeps in?

Willow - I think you described it well, and I know others have said the same, that they feel in limbo. The longer time I spend out of the UK, the more nervous I feel about going back IYSWIM. Personally for us, the quality of life here in the USA is really good,. But there's always something missing...our extended family. I don't feel as 'at home' back in the UK as I used to when I first left over 10 years ago (not less British I don't think, if anything I have become more nationalistic since living away). I think living in the USA you get used to great service, good weather where I am, and generally good standard of living. England has really changed, and I may get slated for saying it, but it's not changed for the better. Yes, I did go all sentimental about the John Lewis ad! I cried. Things just don't stay the same which is kind of a shame.....my blunt friend tells me we can't have it all in life and everything is a compromise so put up and shut up.

Eralc - I feel that way about the school hols here too, even the short ones. With this upcoming one it feels like a double whammy: first having to get through christmas & the new year then weeks of holidays to follow.

I only just found out the zoo is open on christmas day so we are thinking of going too - been here for 3yrs & not been to Taronga yet. Did go to the beach one year but felt well depressed as it was all massive family groups.

ha ha frostinatthesnow.....like the "put up and shut up", I've got friends like that too, I'm a bit too sentimental I think, now and then I have to remind myself of the dark nights in the winter, the rain (of course), the traffic chaos, and fear of always being robbed or having your handbag (whatever) stolen.....the RUDE adolescents to bring myself all back to reality. Only thing is, all of these things can be addressed with good avoidance tactics.....here, there's bugger all to avoid , 'cos there's nowt 'appenin. So, yes UK here we come for Christmas, Can't wait.......gonna have to go to WHsmiths and Boots....thats another thing, I used to think I was pretty self sufficient before I moved away! What a laff. I now go gooey over a tin of beans and an English newspaper, makes me feel all warm and looked after.