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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Original poster

Geneva- pls help me get excited about it

48 replies

toomanylanguages · 30/05/2009 15:25

DH has a very good job offer in Geneva. he is really excited about it and quite decided (in his mind) he wants to take it. i am not so sure.

i am not british (neither is dh) but we've been living here now for 10 years, we've had two dcs, i have a job i love whcih is part time for now but where i could realistically see myself having an actual career, i have tons of friends etc.

i feel i would be giving up everything if we move- prob never find a job again (my field is quite specialised), will take ages to make friends... i really don't want to be an expat wife (with no offense whatsover to expat wives- but it's just not me, my mum was one as we moved around a lot and she has so many regrets now... i have an MSc and i am actually quite good at what i do and i feel i would be wasting it all- i never planned to stop working), and i am dreading being in a new city, alone, having to start everything from scratch, schools etc etc...

i know i am being silly- it is a great opportunity and i just need to be more flexible... but i just can't help feeling really negative about it all... i had my future all mapped out and now i feel it's being taken out of my hands...

languages are another problem (although i speak french it would be the fourth language for my dcs- i have already posted here)

sorry for the moan- as i said if someone's up to make me feel more excited about it, i'd be really grateful!

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 30/05/2009 15:30

Errr.. it's safe.

Original poster
toomanylanguages · 30/05/2009 15:32

gee that was helpful... thanks...

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 30/05/2009 15:33

Sorry that wasn't helpful. I remember it from my teenage years as an utterly boring place but I hear from friends who have moved there that it is more interesting these days.

fruitymum · 30/05/2009 15:34

you will be only an hour away from fantastic ski-ing in the winter, and great walking and mountain biking ( Portes du Soleil). You could take up sailing on the lake.

CoteDAzur · 30/05/2009 15:35

Somehow I knew you would say that

Oh and ski slopes are quite near so you will be skiing every weekend.

Original poster
toomanylanguages · 30/05/2009 15:36

so skiing, walking, mountain biking, sailing... but no chance of a job, eh?

OP posts:
Original poster
toomanylanguages · 30/05/2009 15:36

sorry i sound so moany. but i can't ski (though i suppose i could learn), i can't sail (though, ditto), and i hate walking and biking...

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LIZS · 30/05/2009 15:38

Havign lived in CH for 4 years I'd say it is a great opportunity and already speaking French will open opportunities for work, even though it is very much a SAHM culture. If you plan to use local schools, rather than private or international, you may find it harder to work as hours are not standardised and most kids go home for lunch. You may not want to be a standard expat mum but joining this group this groupmay help you decide how to proceed. Also Mmelindt on this site is living over there atm if you can spot her.

Niftyblue · 30/05/2009 15:45

Living here in Geneva at the moment

Its a lovely here in the winter you have skiing snowshowing etc etc and if you don`t like skiing there is spas/thermal baths you can do and the aprè ski is good

In the summer there is so much going on too

They have little beaches everywhere around the lake so if you don't like sailing you go and the Dc can swim in it and you can sit and watch them and enjoy the view of the mountains

there is plenty to do and its not boring
They opened the wine caves the other week now that was a good weekend

Niftyblue · 30/05/2009 15:45

p.s I am not an expat wife

Original poster
toomanylanguages · 30/05/2009 19:47

thanks everyone... niftyblue... so do you work? was it easy/hard to find work? what's childcare like?

OP posts:
Niftyblue · 30/05/2009 21:35

No I don`t work here

My dcs are at school so sorry can`t help you with the childcare question
there does seem to be plenty of nurseries around though

Even if you are`nt interested in walking,skiing,sailing there is still loads to do

There are loads of groups you could join so it is easy to meet new people

Original poster
toomanylanguages · 31/05/2009 20:51

thanks nifty. dh more excited than ever, and me more depressed than ever... i really really don't want to have to move and become a SAHM... i think i will turn into someone i don't wnat to be... and i don't want to end up resenting my dh...

OP posts:
Niftyblue · 31/05/2009 21:30

You need to tell him that
It has to suit both of you otherwise it just is`nt going to work

Are you sure you can`t work here in your field?

MmeLindt · 01/06/2009 13:28

Hi there,

well, look out of the window and tell me what the weather is like. Maybe it will help to know that I am sunbathing in the garden and the DC are in the pool.

Geneva is not a huge city so if you are used to London or a large metropole then it can seem a bit sedate.

Saying that, there is such a lot to do and see in the area that more than makes up for the nightlife/shopping etc.

We have been swimming in the lake already this year, sledging in winter, at the wineyards a couple of weeks ago (wonder if I bumped into Nifty?)

Meeting people is easy if you stay in the Expat groups, and since you speak French you could easily make contact with mums from school, if your DC go to local schools. I have made friends out here, mainly English speakers but a few Swiss too and when my French is better I hope to have more French speaking friends.

What age are your DC? They start state schools at 4yo here and most schools offer lunchtime club, some schools even do after school club.

If you speak French (and other languages - which ones) then you should be able to find a job here, perhaps not in your specialised field though.

Basically it boils down to the question of how long the Genevan posting would be and if you are willing to put your career on hold for a couple of years.

Original poster
toomanylanguages · 01/06/2009 14:13

thanks mme lindt. i think the problem is that DH sees this as open ended and to me, crazy as it sounds as i am not even british, london is home and my heart breaks into a million pieces at the thought of leaving... i was even thinking of applying for british citizenship, i love it here (i know, crazy!!! )

i think it would be easier if we were moving somewhere where i could see us staying forever, or at least for a long time- then i could invest into re-training etc, but i think geneva is just not that kind of place...

I have had a very transient upbringing as my dad's job moved us around a few times and while in many ways it was ok, even great, it was only so because i realise in retrospect that my mum sacrificed everything for my dad and for us- and she regrets it so much, basically they are back in their home town now, they don't know anyone, all of us kids have moved to the 4 corners of the world, she hasn't got a job or anything and it's hard on her...

i don't know how to say all this to my dh without "clipping his wings" so to speak. he is really eager to go and i think this is the first ever time we are not in tune on something important- uncharted waters for us.

re-reading this i realise a lot of my issues are not to do with geneva at all, but perhaps more about how i see my life and my past...

sorry- tbh i am sure geneva is a great place (i have been there actually, so i know it's a great place!), i just don't really think this move would be good for us. if we move, which we may, i am afraid it will be under less than ideal circumstances for me...

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 01/06/2009 16:27

Why don't you post on the Relationship bit to get some advice there. Your problem is not Geneva or not. It is the old problem of whether you give up your career and hopes for the future to follow your DH. The life as a "trailing spouse" is not for everyone. I don't mind it, in fact, I enjoy it. I have a job that is very portable and once we are settled I can go back to that.

strudelface · 05/06/2009 10:54

Toomany...... thanks for re-directing me to this thread from the Vienna thread - ahh Vienna.

We are now in Geneva - well we are in France actually but dh works there and the dds go to school there.

Thanks for the deatils of swimming pool in Nyon - we are on the right side of the lake to get there without catching a boat. It is early days for me in Geneva so can't add much more about the city itself than MmeLindt and Niftyblue have said. And anyway as the others have siad this is more about you and your relationship than Geneva...

I have just realised I will have to change my name - any ideas?

strudelface · 05/06/2009 16:53

Ahh just realised I'm mixing my Genvois threads up - there was another thread about the Nyon swimming pool....and registering with gynys

sorry as you were....

Niftyblue · 05/06/2009 22:42

We are in Versoix strudel
15 mins from Nyon

Cadmum · 05/06/2009 22:54

toomanylanguages: I really think that it wouldn't matter if you were told that Geneva is paradise. You sound happy where you are and hesitant to move anywhere.

We have been in Geneva for just over a year and I really love it here. That said I am the classic Ex-pat wife because we have spent most of our married life living away from home.

It is not a very easy lifestyle and adding resentment to the equation would make it unbearable for me.

Strudelface: Are you following me?

As for new names, how about Pain-au-chocolat-face? Face auchocolat?

strudelface · 06/06/2009 08:34

Cadmum - yes it would appear so, although unlike you we were very reluctant to leave Vienna. As for names - funnily enough you wouldn't believe the amount of pain au chocolat I have devoured in the last 6 weeks since being here - it must stop...

Nifty - we are in Ornex - just over the border from you.

cariboo · 06/06/2009 19:13

I can't believe this - I've lived in and around Geneva most of my life (although dual nationality Canadian/British) and would be devastated if we had to leave. Okay, so Geneva isn't the most happening place on the planet but that can also be a good thing, especially if you are bringing up dc. What LIZS says is spot on - Switzerland is still a country that encourages women to stay at home. It enrages me but nevertheless most of my friends here DO work and are extremely well-educated. If you've got the means to send your dc to private school (and they are excellent here), you'll be fine but even if you go public, there are many schools that provide lunch and after-school programmes to accommodate working parents. In the current economic situation most families do need a double income anyway so there is always a solution. We're a huge expat community and extremely diverse - it's not your typical expat wives environment at all but I suppose you can find that if you're looking for it.

If you want to know more, I can certainly help you .

cariboo · 06/06/2009 19:32

You may resent me for saying this, but marriage is a partnership and that means compromise. Be generous and give your dh this opportunity, especially as he wants it so badly and is so excited about it. London will still be there in a few years and honestly, even if you don't necessarily find a job in your field, you can still work while you're here. And I promise you will not be lonely or bored or miserable! Try not to panic - you won't lose your identity and your self-esteem by trying something new.

Original poster
toomanylanguages · 06/06/2009 19:39

cariboo (and everyone else!)- yes, please help me!!! over the last few days i have been getting more and more depressed as it becomes more obvious that DH is determined to take the job... i think it's likely i will be joining your ranks soon or depending on povs!

anyway- at the onset- i hope i have not offended anyone by moaning about expat wives etc- honestly, i am not anti SAHM at all, in fact i admire them, but i know that if i were to stay at home full time with my dcs in a place i have no frieds etc not only i would go crazy, but it would also damage my relationship with DH as i don't think it could bear the weight of my whole life- yswim. friends, and work, and being a different person who dh and dcs don't really get to see- that's so important for me.

gosh i sound awful. bet you can't wait for me already

i suppose, quite apart from the fact that i love London and i am scared as hell to leave, i do wonder about practicalities in geneva and how long it would take me to figure things out... for example...

how easy to find a nice apartment? how big/small are they (i know housing is expensive)? any property websites where i can get a taste of flats? how is public transport (i hate driving)? how about pre-schools and nurseries, what age do they start and are there any bilingual ones? how much does private/international school cost? can you get your groceries online? how expensive is it to find domestic help (eg cleaner, babysitter, nanny?)?

thanks in advance

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