Relationship counselling in France

[Steaknife]

Does anyone know about getting relationship counselling in France?

DH is reluctant, I know not a good start, but sites us not being able to afford it as a reason.
Does anyone know if we can be referred through the GP / will medical insurance cover it?

Alternatively is there something like Relate over here?

Many thanks for your help.

cites not sites

Very difficult indeed to find a decent relationship counsellor in France. This is a very undeveloped area of therapy expertise. They all seem to be Freudian/Lacanians here! Grrrrrrr. I have never heard of relationship counselling being covered by SS - if you want therapy covered by SS you need to get it from a doctor (psychiatrist).

No Relate in France.

Is your DH French?

Thanks for your replies, kind of what I thought.

Yes DH is French.

Do you think you have cultural clash issues in your marriage? Ie is he expecting you to behave like a French wife and are you expecting him to behave like an English husband?

That could well be part of it - how do French wives behave?

His parents had a very traditional approach to their marriage and agreed FIL was breadwinner and MIL was the home-maker and childrearer.
Which in some ways I am fine with as long as there is recognition that you both work at different jobs and you both need to support each other - if that makes sense.

Just seems the support and recognition is a bit one sided at the mo.

Does your DH expect you to shoulder the whole of the domestic/childcare burden?

Sorry I can't help you Steaknife.

I'm intrigued about how French wives and English husbands are supposed to behave.

Bonsoir - it isn't expected but as I we have only been in France for 4 months, DD is 7 months, I am SAHM and he works full time then I do most.

He does help out as and when he can and before DD came along household chores were pretty evenly split. So no, perhaps not so traditional, but I think he is probably struggling with some aspects of being a new dad.

Is he feeling left out? French men are very inclined to feel left out once children come along, IME.

There IS a cultural difference as Anna hinted.
Husband first. stepford style. Children not to be heard/seen until they can make intelligent conversation.

Really! In this generation? I know of plenty of 50+ women in relationships like this but none of my French peers are in relationships like this.
Certainly some don't give the young children as much respect as I think they deserve, but as far as the relationships between the adults are concerned, the 'husband' first thing just doesn't tie up with any of the couples I know.

Well. the funny thing is many of my french friends are striving to emulate the stepford model. And they are working mothers. I just don't know how they do it.
The husbands sort of become used to a certain "standard" and whilst they can be very hands on at home, in exchange, they still expect madame to play the part as a lover first and foremost.
We are not talking surrendered wives here. I just notice that for most of my french (but not exclusively) friends keeping the flame going is extremely important. Even if they are sleep deprived. They will make an effort. Not the same sort of feminism.

you are so right about not giving children as much respect as they deserve.

Oh I see, I thought you were talking about the division of domestic tasks.

Yes, I would agree that keeping the flame alive has a high priority.

I can't judge whether it is higher because I only get to see my Anglo-Saxon friends when their partners and or children are around so we don't talk have an opportunity to talk about that stuff too much at the moment.

to OP: it is difficult on a couple being new parents, wherever you are, whoever you are, except if you have help 24/7.
Don't make cultural differences an issue because whilst there are definitely some, you may just be going through a phase that all new parents experience: babymoon is over and he wants you back. You are just still too tied up in your new mummy role. This too will pass. But do talk about it and be patient with each other. And yes, make an effort to keep the flame going

I've been thinking about the cultural differences thing and talking with DH about it. I really don't think that is such an issue with us.

We've got some strategies for moving forward and he finally agreed that having a third party to help us communicate would be helpful so I left left him in charge of organising that.

Definatetly need to do more about that flame though.

Agree with slim22 having a baby is a big adjustment. Hope you find a 3rd party helpful and you work things out.

good luck!

DH has found a counsellor and hopefully we can see them in the next week or so.
Another row last night, so getting a bit desperate.
The whole situation not helped by a sleepless LO.

Slim22 - fortunately that isn't DH's attitude to our DD, he is very hands on when he wants to be - just not necessarily when I want him to be.

Acknowledging there might be a problem and being pro active about it is a big step in the right direction.
I always say to my newly married friends, if you want this to last, you have to learn HOW to argue, how to diffuse the petty bickering and regroup. You have to accept it might take a lifetime.It took us 10 years and we are still working on it
Best of luck.

Found this on a search and interested because I'm looking for someone.

I have googled "conseillers matrimoniaux" but am going to ask a friend who I know is seeing a psy to see if she has any suggestions.

Am v. nervous about how this could go but DH has agreed after a huge row this weekend.

for you. Good luck, though. I have so little faith in the French view of couple relationships...

Thank you. Will report back.