Advice from people who’ve moved abroad - I’m terrified

[ChefsKisser]

We are moving abroad for a great work opportunity for DH. We’ve talked about it endlessly I am excited, it will be a great move kids are on board etc etc. but I’m terrified! The admin feels overwhelming, I already weirdly feel homesick?? And I’m just so nervous. I don’t want to chicken out and not go as it’s a great opportunity but living 7-8 hours from family feels a lot.

I know we don’t have to go etc but I do want to. For those who’ve made the move please give me some positive stories and advice how to handle it!

Is this a permanent move? Where would you be moving to? I’ve lived abroad twice, once in Italy and once in France, though on both occasions I was on my own and it was only for a relatively short term.

I had always dreamt of moving abroad when I was married with kids but it never happened. It’s a fantastic opportunity to do something new and adventurous and it’s a great experience for your kids, however long it’s for.

As far as the logistics is concerned, for me the planning is part of the excitement, making lists and ticking things off.

I'm in my third country, so I know that panic well. The most important thing is to release all expectations; things won't work, taste, look, or even smell the same. In the early days, you'll get hit by so many things you didn't anticipate or know. But that's part of the adventure!
When you land, say yes to every invite for you, the kids, and your DH - just start getting to know people and places, you can work out what and who you like later. In one country, my best friend was someone who, on paper, couldn't have been more opposite than me, but we arrived at similar times and had some awesome adventures working everything out together.
For the admin, I always have the "mother of all spreadsheets" where I break down tasks and jobs, track dates and progress. I found it easier to have everything in one place because disconnecting utilities in one country reminded me to book the connection in the new one, or seeing when visas were due reminded me to forward copies to schools, landlords, etc. And also one folder in my email where everything went, then I just search in there for what I wanted instead of my whole inbox.
For the family plan, if you can plan at least one early trip from them to the new place - maybe 3-4 months out, long enough for you to get your bearings but near enough for you to look forward to it when the homesickness kicks in.
Good luck!

Can you say where you are going. That might help. If it’s a corporate move they should help you with paperwork, admin etc.

Do you have a deadline on it? When we moved I was adamant I would stay for 2 years and then come back. That was 12 years ago

Which region of the world are you going? A remote town somewhere where your children will be the only English speakers, or somewhere with a large expat community?

As a child, we moved to a Gulf country and I'm sure my mum in particular felt the panic. No internet back then, no MN or expat online chat sites. Majority of the children at my school were also expats so a mix of British, Australian, American and my best friends were from New Zealand and Madagascar. I was 8 when we moved there and I flourished. We had opportunities to travel to places we'd never have gone to from our original home (not UK) and my parents extended the contract because we all enjoyed it.

Have you connected with other ex pats there or joined any communities to ask questions and help your transition?

We’re moving to Dubai (I know not popular with men but husband has a great offer and fancy a change). I know there’s a big ex pat community but we are so settled here I feel nervous having to start all over again. @7238SM my kids will be 6 and 9 so great to hear around that age you flourished they’re my main concern of course!

Theres a massive expat community there and people are used to welcoming new folks. That's how these communities roll.

You'll be fine! Enjoy the experience and I'm sure you will all thrive

Start making connections now, before you arrive. Local facebook page, school facebook page etc. I reached out to a lady who was also moving to the same town, and school, via the school facebook page. We were in contact before we moved, and are now really good friends.

No way would I be moving to Dubai. Other than the money, what attracts you to this place?

Oh, and one of the families I got to know where I am, subsequently moved on to Dubai. Judging from her Facebook posts, looks like they’re having a whale of a time.

Assuming your kids are going to the British School, or a similar international school, they and you will be well set up socially. The kids and parents are used to moving, and welcoming to newcomers.

Not helpful. If you’ve nothing concrete to contribute, why comment? Many of us don’t have choices, as the trailing spouse. We follow our spouse around. My DH didn’t have a choice about moving. Or rather, he did. It was move, or be fired.

I know lots of folk who work for the oil companies. Dubai or one of the OPEC countries will always be on the list of countries they get posted to.

I would also be absolutely terrified of moving to Dubai.

We moved abroad for a temporary 3 year posting when our D.C. were similar ages to yours.

It was hard, it took about 6 months for the homesickness to settle down (even though we were all enjoying our new home) you just have to wait it out.

The admin is brutal but hopefully you have company support with that.

My advice, is you won’t be working while you are there, is make a big effort to make friends, meet people and join things. You need to build a support network super fast (for example we all got ill not long after we arrived and I didn’t know anyone who could do anything as simple as drop off groceries.)

We all really enjoyed our time abroad and it was actively beneficial for the children but we are also pleased we chose to return to the UK at the end of our posting.

Will you have a relocation agent? Ask on here for recommendations for international removers if not - there are some horror stories. Your relo agent will use a reputable one if you have one though.

Make a list of what needs doing and sort it into months. Just do the stuff you have allocated for that month and try not to worry about next month’s tasks - helps with overwhelm. I started with a massive decluttering operation!

I lived in Dubai for a few years and it was incredible. I hope you have the same experience my family did. I’d move back, but we ended up moving even further (Australia). Good luck to you!

I moved to USA for 9 years (work), things you may experience.
(1) homesickness and household tension, for 18 months… it will pass
(2) new and interesting friends
(3) significant increase in living standards

Recommend…, approach it as an adventure, put excess money aside/invest for your return to uk, ensure you understand tax leaving/entry for both UK and Dubai. See it as an enrichment opportunity for all ur family. Expect difficulty but again see this as an opportunity to learn and grow and overcome challenges, everyone will have to step up to a new and different homelife, including your DH

I know quite a few people who moved to Dubai. My uncle and his family lived there for roughly 20 years. A lot of my school friends moved there. They've all had an amazing time, and all their kids have had great lives. Go for it.

You’ll have a good life Op and family will be able to visit you.

@Redcandlescandalthat is incredibly unhelpful to the OP, who is already nervous. Have you been?

OP, Dubai is great for kids and there are lots of expats there. I grew up there (albeit in the 90s when a lot of it was just sand and desert!) and loved it. I have been back since a few times to visit friends who live there. One thing that really stands out is how safe it is. In a cafe I remember a woman left her laptop lying out on a table outside while she went inside to order a coffee! I would never do that here. I also felt very safe at night walking around on my own. Good luck OP!

You're moving for his work, let him do the admin. You don't have to go (I wouldn't) and he can't take the kids without your permission.

Thanks all! DH gets visa etc through his company so that’s sorted and they will help him sort ours as he’s going ahead of us. We do know a couple of people there who have put us in touch with agents to find homes and we’ve found shipping people etc. we’re all the point where it’s agreed and we need to start telling people and I just feel so nervous! Especially as Dubai is considered controversial so I’m worried about people’s reactions. It’s not really my kind of place but I’m up for the adventure and to support DH!

You would be completely mad to move there, when it’s only going to benefit your DH. Quite apart from the fact that you’re moving to a superficially-westernised dictatorship with a heavily-censored press, dubious human rights and a ruler best known overseas for kidnapping and imprisoning two of his daughters and his UK-based ex wife living in terror of their children being abducted and forcibly married, it’s the dullest place I’ve ever lived. It’s like living in an airport.

@Wapentake aah ok! We are going on a trial basis will be interesting to see if we agree!!

You understand that if DH wants to stay, and you want to leave, you won’t be able to take your DC with you without his permission?

I have lived in the UAE since 2018. You and your family will have a great life here, its incredibly safe and provides opportunities you would never have in the UK. When you are settled, you might want to find a job as days can seem long with DC at school. Ours start at 7.30am! Don't expect to live in an area full of Brits, the population is very diverse and expats are from all over the world. You'll enjoy making friends with folks from so many different backgrounds.