Advice from people who’ve moved abroad - I’m terrified

[ChefsKisser]

We are moving abroad for a great work opportunity for DH. We’ve talked about it endlessly I am excited, it will be a great move kids are on board etc etc. but I’m terrified! The admin feels overwhelming, I already weirdly feel homesick?? And I’m just so nervous. I don’t want to chicken out and not go as it’s a great opportunity but living 7-8 hours from family feels a lot.

I know we don’t have to go etc but I do want to. For those who’ve made the move please give me some positive stories and advice how to handle it!

Thank you for your message. We are looking forward embracing the diversity to be honest! Are there any areas you’d recommend for newbies? We’re looking at Villanova and townsquare!

I got excellent quality time with my family and friends when I was an expat. They came out to visit and we had adventures and when I went home I wasnt working and booked in lots of fun. 7 hours is doable even for a long weekend if everyone is healthy. If you’re somewhere sunny like Dubai you’ll have lots of visitors!

Town Square is great for kids - a big park, splash pad, cafes, gyms etc. A new school (Horizon) opening there next year. Also a short drive out to the desert for camping, bbqs etc. If you’re set on that area, I would also look at Mira and Mira Oasis - again, both fab family communities.

I’ve been here 15 years and my 3 primary age kids were all born here. We love it. But it is very expensive, especially in your first year when you feel like you’re hemorrhaging money on getting set up. There will be highs and lows, don’t try and compare things to ‘back home’ (drives me mad when other school parents say ‘well, at our old school in the UK…’) be open minded, embrace new things and enjoy!

Dubai is a massive place. To a certain extent your enjoyment will depend on your salary package if there is one.

I looked up the two areas you mention and they are way out in the desert. Did you choose these areas due to proximity of work or schools? You are a long way out. Traffic is just horrendous now - they keep on building ring roads filling the space in with buildings then do another one.

The pros of Dubai : good weather for a large part of the year, ability to make some money , plenty of things to do, cheap home help if you want that , good medical services if you have good health insurance, possible end of work bonus depending if you are on a local salary deal. Income tax free salary. Every food experience and shop you could want. Good location for visiting other countries like Thailand etc. Cheap petrol. Cons : the traffic, the heat at certain times of the year, the cost of utilities, cost of schools if not included in your package, the red tape and admin with any Gov institution, the fact that you are a foreigner in a country where you may fall foul of the law because you are a foreigner, the knowledge that the place is built on slave labour. Horrific driving standards. People seeing you as an easy target as you are Western. Many " fees" now for various things - toll roads, ID cards, sponsoring a housemaid etc. The fact that any changes can be implemented overnight by the ruler eg a raise in petrol prices. The obvious affluence displayed which tempts some people to spend more than they can really afford.

With a good package and a sensible approach to spending you could make it an enjoyable and profitable experience.

What's he going to do - he will be at work full time and then parenting the rest of the time - I don't think so!

Unfortunately there are men who will use this threat as leverage to keep women in unhappy relationships.

And there’s always a nanny…

Given that imported domestic help is dirt cheap in Dubai, he could have a live-in 'nanny' for ninepence.

That is not true. There are no exit visas needed for Dubai.

How do you find Aus? It's a beautiful place

When we first became ex pats (in oil, so a fairly controversial industry) the best pieces of advice were:

Say yes to everything you are invited to in the initial 6 months or so, as you don't know who you might meet when you are there even it feels like it won't be your thing.

Be kind to yourself - your kids will adapt to school and your husband will to his work. You are doing the hardest part - navigating the new place without a "plan" (particularly if you have had a career until now) and sometimes it is REALLY hard, particularly if it something that you wouldnt think twice about in the UK, like shopping, picking up prescriptions or getting petrol. It can be frustrating at times, but once you "know" what to do it will get easier.

Use your kids - go to every event at school and introduce yourself. If you already know the school you will be using, see if there is a chat group that you can be added to before you arrive. These communities are incredibly transient meaning it wont be long before you are not the "new" mum any more but by the same token it always takes me around a year to feel "settled" because I need to do everything once... which brings me back to: be kind to yourself!

Finally enjoy it. You are in a great region for travel (Oman is AMAZING) and you have Emirates and Fly Dubai on your doorstep, so take advantage of it. Good luck!

This, and don't hang too tightly on how things are done at "home". Embrace the differences, and there will lots from what cool with the kids to what people do at weekends.

@turkeybootsyes, the people who get very hung up on things being "different" probably dont have as great an "experience" as, no, life isnt the same, but that doesnt mean it cant also be good.

From what I gather, there are lots of Brits in Dubai which might also help the OP if she wants to vent about the tea (seriously, take your own!) or the lack of biscuits or other food product. That said, where I live right now, people go to Dubai and Abu Dhabi to buy food (aside from tea!) so maybe she is moving to the right place!!

I’ve done it with young kids and I’m doing it again soon with older ones! First of all remember that you will have an amazing experience and you will be glad you did it. But, you will still feel homesick particularly at the start and it’ll take a while to settle. Start admin now, prioritise finding a school that’s right for you and your kids. Don’t listen to people who tell you it’s going to ruin your life or your kids - it won’t. I’ve not lived in Dubai but you’ll have a huge community there and will mKe
conmections easily but ensure that you make the effort even when you don’t feel like it.

I love it! I’m in Queensland and have been for the past 10 years. Each state is so different, but I think I picked well as this life suits me and my family. I still pinch myself that I live here!

Good luck OP! We also moved to Asia recently. It’s our second time here, but our first post-kids. I’d suggest putting your stuff in storage in the uk rather than shipping everything, taking a few suitcases via excess baggage, and buying new stuff at the other end. That way if you need to leave quickly for whatever reason you’re not trying to pack all your worldly goods and organise shipping etc, you can just get on a plane.

Also I know most people in Dubai speak English (unlike where we are in East Asia) but learning the language is always helpful. Keep track of Ramadan (coming up soon) as you can’t eat in public during it. If you follow the rules about decency and don’t talk politics, avoid writing bad reviews or blasting anyone on FB, you generally won’t have any issues.

Thirdly, I’ve now done living abroad on a spouse visa and a work visa. I really recommend finding something for you to do if you don’t already have a WFH gig. Lots of trailing spouses in Dubai tend to set up small businesses catering to expats. And fourth, don’t feel bad about hiring a housekeeper/nanny, but try and get a personal recommendation.

Dubai is lovely especially for kids. The temperature comes down to about 24-25 in winter which is perfect IMO.

Make sure that you have an exit plan, including enough money, for getting yourself and your children back to the UK in case your marriage goes tits-up whilst you are out there. This applies to anyone moving abroad who doesn't have their own work permit, not just to Dubai.

That's what I was thinking. I took my son in flights in the Middle East without permission from his dad.

I’d literally rather divorce than move there. Let him go on his own and come back to visit you and the kids if he wants it that badly.

@BusterGonad I assume you were on good terms with your DH? The issue is when you are not on good terms, and he doesn’t give consent

Why do people persist in posting shit like this? You are not the OP, and no-one is asking you to move there. News flash: not every is like you and it's obvious from this thread alone that some people enjoy living there.

If you can't say something sensible how about you keep your opinions to yourself.

So he'd go to the authorities and get a block on the passport? Is that how it works? Can that be done on a (presumably) British passport? I just thought it happens if the father was from the actual country or the child had a passport from said country.

Just looked it up and yes, a travel ban can be made on a British Passport.

I’ve done it a few times. Twice with kids. The first year can be difficult but (and I can’t stress this enough) give it a year. We’ve ultimately never regretted our moves, but the first 6 months have been difficult sometimes. The kids have a second language and friends all over the world. A good friend of mine lived in Dubai for 7 years and she loved it.

I lived in Dubai for many years. My DD was born there and did her entire primary years in Dubai. We moved back to the UK for secondary school. It is an amazing lifestyle for young kids. They will love it. The activities after school, the weather and the fun things to do at weekends are great. For you - please don’t worry. Everyone is in the same boat as expats and don’t have their families, childhood friends, uni friends there. This means that people are very sociable and helpful. Mums at school and colleagues from your DH work will give you lots of tips, invite you out and invite you to BBQs etc. over time you will meet your own friends through your neighbours, pals at gym class or play dates your kids have. Honestly do not worry. Dubai is super safe and everyone who chooses to live there is there for a reason - good job opportunity, change of lifestyle, change or scene or chance to save for a few years . This means that people are generally more positive and want to make the most of their opportunity. You don’t need to have an Instagram lifestyle and be a poser. You can meet nice friends and live the way you like. You will find the rhythm that suits you. Feeling nervous is totally normal. I moved there not knowing a single person and now have friends all over the world who I met during my time there.
its also fantastic for your kids. My DD had friends of so many nationalities. She became an amazing swimmer and basketball player. Academically she thrived at her school and the teachers were lovely.
Dont listen to all the scaremongering above . If you would like to ask me any questions feel free to message me. I also recommend joining some of the FB groups to get up to date tips on schools and communities.
i was there on holiday this month visiting friends and family. The traffic is really bad at peak times. It is really important to try and live not too far from school and work but esp school.
i wish you the best of luck on your adventure. You will be pleasantly surprised. I promise you. It’s a great opportunity for a few years for you all.

Re language comments above. 85% of population is expat so common language is English everywhere. Kids will learn some Arabic at school but don’t worry about language barrier. In government offices etc staff will also speak English and will appreciate a “good morning “ or “thank you” in Arabic but it’s not expected or needed at all. Staff in shops are expats from all over the world and will speak English. Don’t stress about that.