Haunted by Australia

[KateShine]

I am haunted by my time living in Australia in my 20s. I returned back to the UK after 4 years living in North Queensland. I had made a life for myself there, everything felt easy and I made some incredible friends, something I didn’t have back in the UK. I returned after people started moving away and settling down and I felt lonely and in need of returning to my home country. I found it immensely hard and still do living back in the UK. I’ve never felt at home here even before Australia. Mainly due to school bullying and lack of friends and sense of belonging.

fast forward 10 years and I have three beautiful preschool children and a fantastic partner. My partner and children have Australian passports. However my partner has never wanted to live there permanently.

I try to bury the constant nagging within my to desperately want to move there with my family but it comes back with a vengeance constantly. I just want to forget my time there and enjoy life here and while I’m trying my best to I find it so hard.

the rational side of me wants to just enjoy life in the UK and just be happy that my children will have the opportunity to live there when they are adults and that we can in the meantime enjoy the freedom of entering AU for holidays etc. but every day I think about Australia, the wonderful easy going approach to life, the blazing sun, and the fun and adventures that are had there.

anyone else share similar feelings ?

Your time in Australia reminds of my time at university , in UK. I was young, free and single, with no money worries (days you got grants) . I went to a small campus university where everyone mixed, whether you went to Harrow or Grange Hill. It was a fun, fancy free time.

I also think you u could be hankering over a time in your life, rather than the place, a time when you felt you belonged.

I hear you OP, my now ex lived a few miles outside of Brisbane, I visited many times and was due to move over there this year...until he met someone else. Gutted I now can't go and live there and I miss it so much every day, probably more than I miss him

I have followed my husband through several postings and we are currently in Sydney. I have left a piece of me in every one we lived in. Dear friends, places I loved, experiences I did. I am however very conscious that when you leave a place, you get selective memories.
One of these places, we were assigned twice, a decade apart. It was different, the city hadn't frozen in place waiting for me to return. My favourite café no longer existed, my friends had made new friends with whom they had shared moments and emotions, the city was somehow dirtier and grotty, and when I commented on it, they looked surprises as according to them, it had always been like that.

The experience you had in Australia is a combinations of factors, many of which no longer exist.

I hear you. I lived there and loved. Moved back. Huge mistake. The quality of life in the UK just can't compete with in Aus - unless you earn mega bucks in the uk. Even then.... (And one thing i loved about Aus was getting decently paid.)

Queensland is booming -they were building loads of housing estates, roads,tunnels, when I was there in April, and I understand the Gold Coast etc has expanded greatly since the Covid lock down. Also due to high housing costs in Sydney people moving north.

Once you have lived in another country is difficult to completely settle back in your home country or another country; each country have their good and bad things and you are always comparing.

I live in the UK for 20 years; can’t get use to the long English weather but I have a good job, some friends, kids are growing there, it is easier y to travel to my home country.

I have the opportunity to live in OZ, I like Sydney; but worry to feel isolated, start over again.

It is probably going to be the same for your kids once you uproot them

Love this and so, so true xx

Another one that thinks perhaps you miss the age and not the place! I left my home country my 20s to move to the UK and had such a strong sense of belonging and amazing pals with similar interests to me (due to all being people who had left their homeland to travel to the UK) - it was such a fabulous time of life full of adventure. I have stayed in the UK and am now 35 and people and left and grown up and that massive group of friends has kind of dissipated now. I’m sure if I had gone back home I would be hankering after the UK thinking that it held the secret to that wonderful time, but since I’m still here I know it was just that time in my life! Love lots of things about this time in my life and I’m very happy but definitely occasionally nostalgic about the carefree adventure of my 20s!

In saying that, can you go and have a long holiday in Australia over Christmas and see if your DP likes it? What’s stopping you all from living there for a while if that’s what you’d like to do?

I am living in Australia but wish I could move to the UK permanently. I always imagined I could wait for the right time with my husband’s job and then relocate. But then I realize that my kid loves it here and I don’t want to uproot them.

I miss simple things about the UK like the mud. We don’t have mud here, we have sand, sometimes covered with top soil in a garden, but nothing that sicks to your shoes and has to be hosed off. I also miss watching the snow fall like breadcrumbs and being cozy in small pubs with a fire. I miss seeing the clouds over hills and mountains and the streams that are everywhere and so beautiful but no one seems to notice them much. I the colours of the trees and bushes, it’s a real luscious green whereas most of our trees here are greyish. I still love native Australian plants, but British countryside is breathtaking.

I’ve just moved back from Toronto to the UK and I’m so unbelievably happy.
I haven’t seen any sign of fentanyl in a 300 mile radius. I feel so safe. I feel calm. I don’t have to worry about fires, bears & extreme weather

Food is gentler on the stomach. And properly brewed tea.

The biggest difference between the UK and Canada? Litter. The UK is so clean compared to Canada. We drove along the M25 and even that looked sparkling and clean compared to the suburbs of Toronto 😂

I really love the UK and I’m so happy to be back. My outward journey I HATED the UK and felt angry at it.

Even the counter protests from last weeks rioting made front page news over there - it was humbling and I was proud to be coming home!

The air here is so fresh. Pollution and the constant smell of legalised cannabis is finally leaving my lungs…. 🫶🏻

Just thought I’d post for a little balance especially while it’s so fresh. This is my 2nd day back home (and I’ve already booked a GP appointment. Something I struggled to do at all in Canada due to a healthcare crisis!)

Also I’ve been wowed at the amount of birdsong, butterflies and vibrant wildflowers.

I lived in Sydney in my 20s and every time I go back, l get nostalgic for that time. But then I remember how isolated, hot, and rude Australia is ... Best thing I ever did was move back to England.

Unless your quality of life is going to improve greatly by moving to Sydney; I don’t think the disruption to your family and being so far away from your home country and family will be worth it. You will be doing similar stuff as you do in the UK, schools, work, shopping, shores, and a few outings when you get free time.

I have visited Sydney many times and I like it, it feels safer, cleaner a bit more relax than London where I live; every time I visit I question whether I would prefer to there and every time I conclude that after the excitement passes I will feel bored, isolated.

I love travelling and this is not always easy in OZ as distances are long, so despite hating the long English winter and grey skies I still prefer to be in the UK

I fell in love with Sydney on a gap year when I met DH (British, I’m not). I followed him back to England and after 17 years living in the UK and three kids we had a chance to go back. Both early 40s, three kids 3-13. It was the best thing we ever did and our kids are so grateful they grew up in Aus rather than England. They have had an education we could never have afforded in England for starters. Any time they go back they can’t wait to get home, life is just so much better here. As I said I am not British so that obviously makes a difference. I have lots of wonderful English friends and enjoyed my time there but it’s just not a country I would ever want to live in again, for me literally the only thing it has going for it now is it’s proximity to Europe. My kids have EU passports but Aus is home now for all of us.

@Flatandhappy thanks for your insights. Yeh I can see why as a young family you’d be happier out there in terms of lifestyle- which country are you from? Is it closer to Australia than the UK? I guess the main thing that prevents me making a plan to return there with my young family is the fact it is the otherwise of the world to family who mean the world to me and my children. That being said I wouldn’t ever rule it out completely but I think firstly I’d plan a big 6 week trip out there in a couple of years and see how we felt then. I feel fortunate to have Australian passports for the family which at least gives us the option which provides psychological reassurance I guess !

@Flatandhappy also I meant to ask, were your children aged 3-13 when you moved to Australia ? Or is that how old they are now? Also where in the Uk did you move from and where in Australia to? I think locations and personal circumstances defo play a role in the decision. For instance moving from a very poor town in the UK with poor education options to Sydney for example might be an easier choice. Moving from a more affluent or nicer town with great schools in the UK to a small renotish town in Australia or to a city that’s a bit Meh in Aus I guess would be different

Kids were 3-13 when we moved, everyone said we were cruel to move the 13 yo and pull him away from his friends. We did a three week “reccie” about 6 months before we moved permanently and 13 yo wanted to know why we couldn’t just stay then. He is now 30 and definitely the most “Aussie” of my kids, he was in England in July with his wife and child for a wedding and although he loved catching up with friends said he would never live there again. I don’t want to say exactly where we moved from but it was a city in the SE, not London. We are now North Shore Sydney. I think the thing my kids are most grateful for (apart from growing up with a swimming pool 😂) is the education they have had here, private schooling is much more affordable. Tbh though I’m not sure if I could have made the move as easily if my mum had been still alive although we lived in different countries. An hour on a plane is very different to 24 hours. I don’t understand people who are super close to family, see them all the time then move to the other side of the world and are surprised that they miss them. I know quite a few people whose parents ended up moving out too, one family who ping ponged, and one woman who ended up leaving her teenage kids here as they didn’t want to leave Aus and neither did her husband. Only you will know what is right for your family but best of luck whatever you decide.

OP. You could be me other than I only spent a year then. It's nearly 30 years ago now and i love my children and enjoy my job but I still dream about it and feel envious of my cousin who lives there when I see her photos on FB. And it's not about missing my youth; it's the weather and the scenery and the wildlife and the space that I miss. Its fair to say I pine for it too.

This is such a timely thread for me. DH and I lived in Sydney for 7 years nearly a decade ago. We left due to his work and came back to the UK, I was really sad to leave but there were the benefits of being close to family, familiarity etc.

Since being back in the UK I’ve missed Aus and some of the “benefits” of being in the UK didn’t actually materialise - my UK friends live all over the country and we are often too busy to see each other etc. Plus the cold, wet, dark days and lack of professional opportunities were flat and depressing. I kept thinking about our Aussie days and when DH had the opportunity to apply for a job in Adelaide and I really encouraged him to do so even though we have a 3 year old now.

He’s now been offered the role and I’m suddenly devastated - I can’t believe we’re going to uproot ourselves and our little girl and take such a risk with our lives. DH really wants to go though, it’s such a good opportunity for him professionally so we’re trying to navigate the right thing to do. Any advice appreciated!

Where I was in Australia it seemed everyone and anyone just hung out and were friendly with eachother. Didn’t matter their class, job, background or gender- it was just a very open and friendly vibe

Was this experience isolated to North QLD (Airlie)? The reason I ask is that you will find this sort of culture pretty specific to North QLD, and NT, with a few other exceptions. It’s no way representative of the culture in Sydney, Melbourne or many other places in Australia. I’m Australian, several decades of experience pretty much everywhere, apart from a lot of WA, and you can’t take the culture of one part of Australia and assume other places will be the same. If you came to Sydney and expected people to be even 5% similar to people in Airlie, or anywhere in Nth QLD you will be in for a massive shock, so you really need to be sure of what you are coming to and for.

I lived in Australia for 17 years - emigrated when I was 30 with husband and kids. Australia is amazing, just so beautiful, and the lifestyle is awesome. However, it wasnt for me long-term. I missed the UK so much, the culture, the buildings, the humour, the seasons, the history. I was trapped though because my ex would not return (despite it being a verbal agreement between us that if either of us couldnt settle we would come back). It broke my entire family and there was a horrible divorce - so please please be careful. I dont think people realise if you move to a different country you may end up being stuck if your spouse wants to stay and you don't. 17 years!!! Ive been home now in UK for 2 years and it was the best decision ever. God how I missed British sarcasm. and wintery days, and charming old buildings everywhere! What I dont like though is obsessions about traffic, talking about 'stuff' (aussies just dont seem materialistic like here), and snobbery. It still blows my mind that people here cant wait to tell you how much their house is worth and talk about what car they drive and the price of their handbag. Its so weird to me. BUT god brits are funny! So that cancels all that out. :)

I guess you are just having cold feet. Your child is only 3 and as you said you are clearly unhappy living in the UK. Take the risk and go snd come back if it doesn’t work out; otherwise you may always be wondering, what if?

I don’t blame you. I don’t like cold, dark, long English weather either. We have the chance to move to OZ, but too far from every where for my taste. I have been a few times and the natural scenery is beautiful though

Where are your kids now if you don’t mind me asking?

I understand OP.

Haunted is a very good description

I have never felt the peace I had as much as when I lived n Australia.

I yearn to go there, die there.

It isn’t to do with reliving my youth.

I spend countless hours when I should be sleeping looking at livestream cameras of different places. I left there twenty five years ago.

Timely post. I’m in a bit of an opposite situation, I am Australian and just moved to Europe almost a year ago with my husband and young child. It was always a dream of mine (prior to becoming a mum), but the job is in a small town, I don’t vibe with the local culture and my heart aches for my friendships that I left behind. For those who moved away from home and then returned, did you feel like you were starting from scratch when you finally went home? Do you feel like friendships were lost / moved on because you left or because of the natural passage of friendship over time?

Maybe mention Mr Hissy 😂