Living in Dubai as an active stay at home female

[Louise0923]

My partner has an interview for a job in Dubai. We both work over here and if we go it would mean me not working for the time of his contract. I’m a very active person (running, hiking and swimming) and my current role is fast paced & good money. The salary he would potential have, with the benefits they provide would be worth me leaving my job (financially) but I’m concerned around the shift in lifestyle.

On the one hand it of course would be a privilege to spend 2 years in the sun, not worrying about money (and I’m sure I could pick up some work over there or remotely). However, I wanted to know if anyone had experience of either leaving their job for their partner and also being active in Dubai as a lone woman eg running in the morning, hiking etc.

Im concerned around being lonely, losing a sense of purpose and taking a career break. And then on top of that not being able to do the hobbies I want to! Almost a bit of a gilded cage situation!

We will be married when we go for those wondering.

I know nothing about the full suggestion, but the implication of an option to work fully remotely from there, presumably for a U.K. company won’t work either. It’s something to do with tax - earning and paying U.K. tax while living wholly in a non U.K. country. I can’t recall the details but it happened to a colleague so would suggest researching this before having it as an option in mind.

there are a handful of business schools so to keep occupied you could do some exec Ed courses and such to meet people and keep the brain in gear

Have you been to Dubai? If so.....would you really want to live there?

There are plenty of trailing spouses in UAE. Some apartment complexes have facilities like pool and squash courts. There are also social beachclubs with activities, bar , brunch buffets etc. It can be unbeatably hot for running in summer though.

Taking 2 years off is hardly trashing your career unless you're in some cutting edge industry, even then 🙄 And it's hardly more commitment than having a baby with someone, it's basically an extended holiday. Having an adventure is what life is about, dramatic much 🤣

Always makes me laugh when replies are from people who haven't actually lived in Dubai.

I have though 😁 and it was in similar circumstances.

I ran almost every day, apart from the very hottest days. I just got used to the heat. Yes, it was very safe. Probably one of the safest places I have ever lived.

I also went to massively interesting gym classes. I swam outside. I sailed. I did SUP. I camped in the desert most weekends in the winter when I wasn't going somewhere further afield to do adventure trips. I trekked up mountains in Oman (easy to drive there). I swam alongside wild dolphins on the coast. I jumped into wadis and natural swim holes. I saw the most amazing stars.

I did a load of charity work, which was interesting and fulfilling. I also found like minded friends to do cultural and arty stuff with, and the normal book clubs of course 😁

I ate outside every day from October-March. I grew veg and herbs over the winter months. I enjoyed eating locally and sustainably.

I basically got into a really healthy lifestyle that was balanced and fulfilling.

And when I got back to the UK, I found getting a new job fairly easy.

There were no downsides for me. It will be what you want to make of it.

I wouldn't want to live there, I'd absolutely hate it. But I love trees and rivers and hills and the seaside. I imagine we are probably quite different though as you seem like money motivates you.

Same here, Dubai would be a big no for me. But on the wider point I wouldn't want to go somewhere I couldn't work, I'd be inclined to stay here and him go alone if it's just for a year (assuming you don't have kids as you haven't mentioned them)

Bar all year round rivers UAE has all the othera. There are some wadis which flood at times. That's common tho in ME. Like Jordan basically has just Jordan and so on.

I laughed at someone asking if they can still do outside things in UAE morphed into money motivated and "I am better than you" type of snide...

It depends on what your future plans are with your partner. As you're not married you stand to lose a lot. No job. No pension. No benefit from his financial gain.

I'd only consider this if I was married, he paid into my pension and we'd both benefit in the long term from the financial gain made.

Don't go if you plan to do nothing while you're there. And don't get pregnant!

It really is nothing like an extended holiday. You have to build your life from scratch and it can be very lonely, depending of course on how sociable you are. Your partner is working, out at night socialising and knackered at the weekends.

Probably depends what they do, my aunt lived there and both her and her husband has a pretty great lifestyle. Everything paid for, lots of holidays etc. But yes, it would depend on the circumstances, I'd certainly be keen though, you can always change your mind if you don't like it

Nephew lives in Dubai. When they lived in London his wife struggled to get as good a job as the one she’d had in Edinburgh before they got together. However, she found something much more to her liking in Dubai. I personally dislike the politics and heat over there but they love the lifestyle they have.

When our DC was a toddler, the DH was on a sabbatical to NYC. The package included accommodation (proper Upper West apartment) and a nursery place. They also helped spouses find work if the contracts were longer than ours. Through the same arrangement volunteer roles could be arranged. I’d have happily stayed longer and was quite disillusioned when I returned to my UK uni job.

Probably depends what they do, my aunt lived there and both her and her husband has a pretty great lifestyle. Everything paid for, lots of holidays etc

To be fair, when you are an immigrant you have to be positive about where you are. Both for your own wellbeing and for appearances sake.

I think @teenytempeh has hit the nail on the head. They hated it but others they met loved the lady of leisure lifestyle. All depends on what you are like. Some considerations;

• Being out of work for a long period: are you the type of person who can get out of bed each day and create a structure for the day? Ie: spend time on hobbies, create a routine for yourself? Personally I know I am not, I need work to help me have some structure. Without work I know i’d stay in bed until lunchtime, mess around on social media and basically end up depressed. But I have mates who don’t work and they are fine.

• Socially. Sure you’d meet loads of other ex-pats. Other partners (wives) that don’t work. Are these likely to be people you’d have stuff in common with? If yes then great you’d have mates no probs and structure your days around social stuff, brunches, tennis etc.

• How important is your career for you? Would you lose confidence and self esteem if out of work? Are you ok with having shared money with your partner?

• Are you ok with having people in your house? Having domestic staff is the norm there.

One woman’s amazing lifestyle in the sun is another’s horrifying boiling prison. Personally i’d hate it. Have mates who hated it and others who loved it.

I've just moved back from Dubai, moved over as a trailing spouse for my DH's career and gave up my job. We were originally going to stay for just 2 years and ended up staying for 5.

I found a new job within 2 months, and there are some real gaps in the labour market so dependent on your line of expertise that might not be an issue for you if you get bored/don't want a career gap.

I'm not a fan of heat and am sun intolerant so spent most of my time indoors but found plenty of activities to do indoors (e.g. ballet, skiing, roller derby) so if you find running too challenging outdoors you could always try something new.

It's a very transient place so I found it was easy to make new acquaintances, but I formed very few deep friendships as Dubai wasn't really my sort of place - lots of British expats mostly interested in boozing, shopping and spending lots of money. It was quite isolating being away from my friends and family back home but I flew back twice a year and that made things more manageable.

In terms of expenses, accommodation is pricey in Dubai - my DH's employer paid for our flat so we saved a lot of money, but we saw friends of ours end up in a financially bad place because their expenses didn't match their income. Check out your partner's contract and consider what sort of expenses you're likely to accrue in dubai before you move over.

I didn't really like Dubai but it was a really interesting experience, it boosted my career, and set my DH and I up financially for life so on the whole as long as you're on the right contract I'd say it's worth it.

As for the human rights arguments...I don't think Brits have a leg to stand on there, the UK has a morally chequered past and and chequered present and a lot of problems in the middle East are a direct consequence of british colonialism. What I will say though is that there were massive strides in legal rights while I was in dubai for women and migrant workers. There is overt structural racism, but you can't change that from moaning about it in the UK - you change that by moving over and helping shape the society itself in whatever small ways you can (e.g. by hiring the right people on a fair pay regardless of where they are from)

imagine we are probably quite different though as you seem like money motivates you.

What a smug and spiteful comment.

Been a trailing spouse and been around a great many. The ones who are happiest are the ones who feel fulfilled. If you like your work, be VERY careful about giving it up.

Practically though there are some things to think about.

1. Pension: don't forget to calculate pension contributions at your current rate from work from your DH's pay when you're looking at expenses. Obviously neither of you will expect your pension to decrease due to his increasing, because neither want your future to be more limited because his grows.
2. Marriage: check very carefully how divorce works if you're living in Dubai. NOT because that's what'll happen, but because right now if asked, you could give some options of how it would work legally and practically, were the worst to happen. You need to know exactly where you stand, before leaving the country.
3. If your job offered you the chance to work abroad for two years, would he quit his for you to have a better career? This is important. Very important. If you get out there, start not liking it and realise THEN that he would never do this for you, it's a bitter pill to swallow.
4. Can you get back into your career with 2+ years away? Look very carefully at what you're giving up. You can't properly decide you want to go there before you've fully looked into what you're giving up (and pension shouldn't be one of those things).
5. Will he get all his pay and bonuses paid into your account? If not, when he's expecting you to give up your life for his career, why not?

When expat life works it's glorious. When things start to go wrong, they're FAR worse for the trailing spouse than they ever are for the employed one. I've never seen it the other way. Never. You make yourself vulnerable by giving up everything you know for his career. Sport is great for many things but you need to be smart about everything else too. I'm not being over cautious: I bet you get travel insurance when you book holidays, I bet you have home insurance even though you'll probably never need it. Moving abroad for someone else's career is a MASSIVE sacrifice. It pays off for some and not for others. You can help protect yourself by setting up "insurance" policies against to protect yourself. If your DH doesn't get this, any of the points above, then you need to think carefully about agreeing, because he's already not understanding what it means for you. Once you get there and he is going to work while you're not working, the chances of him understanding that it might be hard for you are near zero.

I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer. I've seen spectacularly awful things happen in expat relationships. I've also seen ones they thrive. The latter usually have a woman/trailing spouse in them who enjoys being a trailing spouse AND has a feeling of power that comes from knowing she has some kind of insurance. And that's partly because she's able to choose to stay in the marriage overseas, because she's able to choose to leave.

Odd comment, they came back for a year, then went back again, so I think it's fair to assume they enjoyed it. Not everything has to be negative 🤷🏼‍♀️

We did this, DH went for 2 years, I got a six month sabbatical from work which I used in the middle of the two years. So I wasn't risking my career in any way. His company paid for flights every 8 weeks or so, or we paid for them so we saw each other regularly but infrequently.

I couldn't work out there - and didn't want to - so I volunteered at a dog shelter, met some nice British ladies there. Had lunches on my own and read books, had lunches and vodkas with new friends, watched trash TV in our apartment, went out with DH and friends on weekends and evenings, went swimming in friends' pools, family visited me. I had a generally nice time, lots of time spent alone though because it's generally mum's with kids or older ladies who aren't working.

I had intended to do a course, learn cookery, etc. But there wasn't anything like that while I was there, which is why I ended up volunteering at the dog shelter.

I wouldn't reccomend two years, as I think you'd be pretty lonely and unfulfilled, dare I say it maybe even resentful. And yes, your DH will love it because he gets to drive a fast car, wear sunglasses every day and be fulfilled in his career.

There's lots of fitness, but it's more classes rather than active outdoor stuff. Plus be prepared to be stared at if you go out on your own in leggings and a sports top.

We had just got married too, but I figured that two years is nothing really, and it was a great foundation for my DH's career.

Maybe think flexibly, you don't have to go for the full two years, just because your DH is.

This. Money couldn't convince me to make these sacrifices and live somewhere with such terrible morals

Many people I know who moved abroad to Dubai don’t seem to want to come back. They plan 2 years and 5-10 years later they are still there.

A few have come back as they didn’t like the lifestyle. Each to their own. The only way you will know what to make of it is by taking the leap, if you are still young and don’t have kids yet I would do it, but also keep up investment in my career by doing a course or finding a job while you are out there.

I am moving to AD and also have similar concerns but I am hoping to make the best of it and open minded that I may love it.

I lived there for some time. It’s the safest place I have ever been (99% of people don’t even lock their front doors as it’s so safe). I loved it (I lived there pre-children).

it will be too hot to run outside however there are gyms absolutely everywhere. If you’re living in an apartment block it will normally have a gym inside.

it’s very easy to be a housewife/lady of leisure there and I found as a lone woman, I was very well looked after and most of the men were very respectful. Much more so than here.

working can be abit of a pain in the ass as they want every certificate dating back to GCSEs quite often. I did work for an English company and had a great experience. I would move back in a heartbeat

My colleague who works there goes out at 5am for a run, or late at night. I think it's pretty safe as the laws are so strict, there's not the same level of personal danger on the street, according to her anyway.

It's because everyone is to some extent aware that if you do something the police will come onto you like ton of bricks and you are flying back to where you came from.
UAE is quite proud of the safety. That doesn't mean that nothing ever happens though! Also comfortableness depends on area where people live. Some are very comfy, slme you get stared at a lot. For which you apparently can call police too.