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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Original poster

Is anyone else considering moving back to the UK?

54 replies

debinaustria · 28/02/2008 07:32

Just wondered because we have been talking about it. Been here 2.5 years, ds1 is getting on really well at school but I think what the school makes up for in the basics it lacks in the other areas. Ds2 has speech problems and becoming bilingual is a constant struggle.

The biggest thing we miss are friends - for us and the boys, and now with a baby on the way we're reflecting on the future and wondering what to do.

Running a holiday business has it's advantages - we live in a beautiful place, we meet lots of interesting people, I get job satisfaction from seeing them having a great holiday but OMG the cleaning, washing and ironing is sooooo tiresome and won't get any easier when the baby comes.

Anyway enough of my moaning - I've not sunk into the depths of depression just thinking too much probably - anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:
jenpet · 28/02/2008 07:51

I think it's normal to feel like this from time to time. Like you I run holiday accommodation here in France, & I also have another baby (due at the end of August) and am wondering how I'm going to fit everything in. However, we were over in the UK for 10 days over half term, and it soon made me realize how fortunate we are to not live there still! The pace of life is one thing, but people seem so fed up, so negative, it really got to me after a while, and I've felt so relieved to be back. We miss people too, but tend to enjoy them more when we have them out here to stay, rather than trying to "fit people in" socially in the UK.
I'm sure you'll figure out the best solution for you all, I suppose I'm trying to say that the grass isn't always greener!

needmorecoffee · 28/02/2008 07:56

I moved back after 2 and a half years while pregnant with number 4. We were living in the States.
Thank goodness I did as dd 2 has had a lot of medical issues but it was so nice to be back. I'm glad we tried living abroad but I'm so glad to be home.

Shells · 28/02/2008 08:09

we've been in new zealand for 13 months now and constantly thinking of moving back to uk. sounds similar to austria in that school is great here, beach is beautiful, people are nice. but we still miss the UK hugely with all its complexities. unfortunately we just couldn't afford to move back yet (3 dcs) and I don't really want to uproot the kids again just yet. but it makes us feel stuck. what are your DS2s speech problems Deb? mine has some too.

Original poster
debinaustria · 28/02/2008 10:16

Shells - he had undiagnosed glue ear when small and this affected his speech development - there are lots of sounds that he cannot make yet - c and g being the hardest for him - and he does get quite frustrated.

jenpet - thanks, maybe we need a UK holiday to put it into perspective

needmorecoffee - how old were your children when you moved back?

OP posts:
SSSandy2 · 28/02/2008 10:20

I think having a longish holiday and a really good look at the place, warts and all, is the best thing. It's true when we think about going back, we think of the good things enticing us back and block out any negatives.

Original poster
debinaustria · 28/02/2008 10:57

Are you still thinking about it Sandy?

OP posts:
SSSandy2 · 28/02/2008 11:07

I think about it a lot deb because, unlike you, I don't much like the type of place we live (I mean a big city). Generally I don't want to live in a big town and then I am concerned about how dd may/may not thrive within the school system here and I would like to learn sign language and do some work with the deaf but sgin language varies from country to country I believe,so feel a bit frustrated here. The problem atm is that a move would mean splitting up the family, at least initially, so possibly she might benefit in some ways from a move but she could also be very upset by it IYSWIM?

It would be nice if it were all a bit easier, wouldn't it? Don't you think you might make more friends when ds is older and at school, via his schoolfriends and that if you had some help with the baby is small and on your hands, it might still work?It does look very pretty where you live.

Original poster
debinaustria · 28/02/2008 11:12

I have ds1 at school already and the friends thing still isn't happening!

I agree it is very pretty where we live - but you take it for granted don't you?

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SSSandy2 · 28/02/2008 11:18

oh yes of course he is at school, sorry, you mentioned all the intimidating German grammar hw I remember. Well I think too when you first go somewhere new, especially overseas, you enjoy the scenery and gives you such a lift being somewhere slightly exotic and then after a while, as you said, it's just there and you're looking more at the details. How does dh feel about it?

Original poster
debinaustria · 28/02/2008 11:20

Dh is more fed up than me - he'd pack up tomorrow, I keep catching him looking at estate agents websites!!

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SSSandy2 · 28/02/2008 11:31

what would you do if you go back and sell up your holiday home business? (I mean you don't have to answer here obviously). I would try and weigh up the lifestyle change. Would you have more time for your dc and things like that? At least you are both pulling in the same direction which makes it more likely that your cart will move (so to speak) than ours which seems mired.

admylin · 28/02/2008 11:35

Deb, sorry you are not enjoying the expat experience any more, I thought you were having a great time or wa sthat last year? I'd also move back tomorrow if I could and I've been away for alot longer than you. If you both feel unhappy then you should maybe start looking into going back before it's too late - I mean that's my problem, the longer you stay somewhere , the harder it is to give everything up and start over AGAIN.
Is your business going well? Have you got a house to go back to?

scotsgirl · 28/02/2008 12:33

Here's my thoughts as someone who moved back to the UK four years ago after living in the states for 4 years. I love it in the States, but I missed home too, and we also had the school thing to contend with (not wanting DC to go to school there etc). I have no regrets about moving back, and even though there are things that annoy me about Britain (like people's tendency to moan) it's easier to put up with than the things that annoyed me about the States IYSWIM. I think I never felt 'settled', which i do now. Plus DC can see family a lot more, and I've got Radio 4 back, and Indian takeaways, and British newspapers(!)and damp, misty mornings (!!) and... oh, you get my drift.

Original poster
debinaustria · 28/02/2008 12:56

I'm not sure what we'd do if we went back, dh is waiting to hear if he has some music work that he had an interview for the other week, which he could do anywhere. I'd like to be a sahm I think but with the possibilities of going back into teaching in the future.

One of my worries would be the boys settling back into the British education system - they would need some pretty intensive English work beforehand. Ds1 can read well in German but not in English, ds2 is still in Kindergarten and in the UK he would be in Y1 with very different expectations!!

Scotsgirl - for me it would be speaking English, friends, any takeaways, TV, Mil coming for the weekend to babysit, my Mum coming every month to see the new baby like she did when the boys were tiny etc...etc...

I'm talking myself into it aren't I?

I'm sorry Sandy that you and your dh don't have the same view over this - it must be very hard.

OP posts:
SSSandy2 · 28/02/2008 13:00

I think it sounds like a good time to move, also in regard to the schools. They can catch up quite easily at this stage, don't you think? I think ds' English will improve enormously in about 4-6 months because the motivation to improve will be there.

SSSandy2 · 28/02/2008 13:01

actually LOL at what Scotsgirl said about "people's tendency to moan"! Think I'll fit in there perfectly then, I've certainly been putting in the practice

mrsbabookaloo · 28/02/2008 13:21

Ooh scotsgirl, spooky: I was just thinking, I'll offer another perspective here as someone who has moved back, and then I read your post: I too moved back here 4 years ago after 3 years in the States ( and 4 years in Turkey before that). I find I can't get into radio 4 though: I really preferred NPR in the States! - sorry that's completely off topic!

It's so tricky: wherever you are there are pros and cons and some days you wish you were somewhere else. if neither of you have got family there, then that's a reason to move back, but quality of life is better almost everywhere else but here. What would you do if you moved back here? Would you have to commute? (this is the deciding factor in almost everything for me!)

Sorry I haven't really got any proper advice, just wanted to join in because we have to decide about going back again. I'd like dd to spend time in the States as she is half American, and go to school there, but the longer we spend here, the less likely it seems. Also, there's no denying that free healthcare is a massive bonus.

The only thing I think I know is that you should move when they are still young. I think a big move when a child is 12 or 13 can be very traumatic and they may end up feeling like they don't belong anywhere.

Sorry for long post!

farfaraway · 28/02/2008 13:37

Another view here from someone who was thinking of moving back and has decided this week to stay put instead. I think what Mrs BK said sums it up about some days you will always wish you were somewhere else. Maybe do a little month survey - ask yourself every day for a month where would I rather be? Make a note and try to tally it all up at the end. Then you know you are not just having a bad day, bad hormones etc. Also being pregnant can make a difference to how you feel about your environment and give a big temporary emotional pull to your family and all things familiar. Which might not be the case later on.

By the way we decided to stay for the usual quality of life reasons but still wish I had that crystal ball to see what would happen if we came back.

mrsbabookaloo · 28/02/2008 14:01

Oh, Farfaraway, thanks so much for following up on my post: I tend to be a bit of a thread killer and its so nice when someone acknowledges you! (sad bastard emoticon)

Original poster
debinaustria · 28/02/2008 15:04

Thank you so much for all your replies - I like the idea of keeping a month survey ffaway and MrsBBK - thanks for your viewpoint. I know it would be better to do it sooner rather than later with regards to the children.

OP posts:
ernest · 28/02/2008 16:18

hi debs was to see this was you that started it.

We've talked a lot recently about the possible move back to the UK, what with Milan, Munich & everything.

As you prob know (when it was still Milan) we agreed to move back to UK in 2 years (but this was more a practical decision rather than out of desire iyswim).

SO I have thought a LOT about the move back, probably with less emotional head than you ( don't mean it like like, that I'm all cool and you're a bubbling emotion-pot or something) but that I didn't have the desire as such, so was more cold and calculating etc. Hope you get what I mean.

I guess AT system similar to G or CH? I've also looked carefully into the logistics of the transition to british system.

I might be of use, I've also lived in ch for 7 years, so know how the living abroad, making friends, kids in 'foreign school', part. with certain difficulties tec feels. If you want to mail me I could cat you, or you I. ALso being pg, I thing we have a lot in common. Remind me how old S & T are?

Original poster
debinaustria · 28/02/2008 19:31

Hi Ernest - thanks for your support - look at my profile and from our website you can e-mail me direct I don't do the Cat thing.Boys are 7(nearly 8) and 6. Is that the same as your eldest 2?

You're right though, I am a bubbling emotion pot!!

OP posts:
scotsgirl · 28/02/2008 19:34

Mrs BBK - NPR over Radio 4, really? I used to hate those fund raiser events they had, drove me nuts. Mind you, have just remembered Click and Clack/Car Talk on Sat mornings - genius. (Sorry for the hijack)

peasoup · 28/02/2008 19:55

Moved back to the UK a year and a bit ago when DS was aged 1. Was a bit fed up of the expat thing- was a bit cliquey and we found it easier to make friends in London, the oh so unfriendly city, than we did with ex pats. Missed family and the company of old friends. Been back a while now and it's tough to know what was the right thing to do. We didn't have much choice at the time due to my health after the birth and other issues we had to sort out in the UK. Now we're trying to think where to go. London is pretty grim for bringing up kids in. Investigating various bits of the UK as to where to go next as I think I want to stay here to be near my family and friends. Sorry just rambling. Such a tough decision. Pros and Cons to here and abroad.

bebespain · 28/02/2008 19:56

I think about moving back to the UK all the time, far too much really. I am still waiting for the time when I go back for a visit and feel relieved to come back here (Spain) but don´t think it will ever happen

England is still very much home to me and yes I know it has its problems but having family and friends close by definitely compensates for that.

Even after 18 months of living here I still don´t feel at all settled and long to go back home but its not financially viable at the moment. DH is Spanish and has done the living and working in England and has told me he doesn´t really want to do that again.

For me its a really tricky one and causes me many a sleepless night...