Is anyone else considering moving back to the UK?

[debinaustria]

Just wondered because we have been talking about it. Been here 2.5 years, ds1 is getting on really well at school but I think what the school makes up for in the basics it lacks in the other areas. Ds2 has speech problems and becoming bilingual is a constant struggle.

The biggest thing we miss are friends - for us and the boys, and now with a baby on the way we're reflecting on the future and wondering what to do.

Running a holiday business has it's advantages - we live in a beautiful place, we meet lots of interesting people, I get job satisfaction from seeing them having a great holiday but OMG the cleaning, washing and ironing is sooooo tiresome and won't get any easier when the baby comes.

Anyway enough of my moaning - I've not sunk into the depths of depression just thinking too much probably - anyone else feel the same?

Bebespain - I'm sorry your dh doesn't want to go back to the UK - could you find a compromise?

I know how you feel, debinaustria. I have been through that feeling lately of wanting to go home too but have actually put it down to winter blues. And it is normal to be up and down about 'home' when abroad.
Now the spring is coming it reminds me of why we came here - so we can 'live the dream' (to coin a corny phase!). It doesn't help when complex things happen day to day - it makes it feel as life back in the UK would be much simpler. We have been talking a lot about all this lately and have agreed that we will move when we feel there is an advantage for our DS - he comes first. For now he is really happy in his nursery school and is living the life we have always wanted for him. If in a couple of years we feel he needs more from his school and he isn't getting it, then we will look at moving.

Hi Deb, yes I was thinking that too about bebespain. Would it help you at all to say to yourself you are sticking it out till Christmas and in that time you throw yourself into seeing what you can, experiencing what you can, making the most of the whole Spanish experience because then you will be gone?

Perhaps the throwing yourself into it will actually thave the effect that you come to like it. 18 months is really not very long and you know when dc are small and you're tied up a lot at home, it can seem a very lonely life. Do you have other English speaking friends near you?

wehre are you WandP?

I was going to ask the same question Sandy - to Wellie+pjs. - lovely photos

I have friends who moved to the Shetlands from mainland UK - they've been there 3 years and are moving back. Now they know they're going home they are enjoying life so much more there!!

yes makes a huge difference I think to know there is a limit to things. It takes away that frustrated feeling of being trapped.

I am still hoping to have that feeling taken away in fact .... Should follow my own advice perhaps!

Do like your pjs WandP now I've seen your photos. Where are you with all that snow - looks like Canada?

Was surprised to see that this thread was your Deb!

We are planning to go back. Mostly driven by me but - DH would stay overseas. But education is an issue - the school here is fine (in fact more than fine) for now but not for secondary. I never wanted to be a permanent expat which DH has always known.

Was your move planned as a permanent move Deb? I suspect that it is harder to make the decision to move back if it was supposed to be permanent.

We are slightly complicated by the fact that I am Irish and DH is British. DS considers himself Irish and wants to live in Dublin to be near family. However DH definitely does not want to live in Ireland and I have to say that I think that living near my family would bring more problems rather than less!

DH definitely doesn't want to commute into London. He is 47 and we are working towards moving back to UK (Somerset) in 2 or 3 years when he would be semi-retired. In fact just this week things have clarified and he has been asked to take on a new part-time role in addition to his current role. We are hoping that he can do both roles for 2 years or so and then we would move back to UK and he would continue with the part-time role which would involve him flying out to this region once a month or so. It seems ideal so I have my fingers crossed.

I can imagine though that if you have totally sold up in the UK and left it must be so much harder to make the decision to sell up again and start all over again.

The suggestion of making a note every day is a good one. You could get DH to do the same.

fingers crossed for you Buda, Somerset sounds lovely. But will you be able to settle really and truly after all that travelling? My dm found it hard after the fantastic social life she'd had as an expat - being a right boozy chatty little party gal(not to mention all the luxuries). Nice schools in Somerset, think ds could grow to like it.

is there the option then that dh could stay on permanently in Budapest or is it another new posting he'd be looking at if you stayed on in the expat scene?

I think I will settle ok. Won't really know till we try! Am not a huge party person lately - we haven't used our babysitter since November!

You are right about the schools. DS will hopefully go to Taunton School which is were DH went - although DH went on a scholarship! One of the issues of the expat lifestyle is that DS's friends all leave. He was in a little gang of 5 and 2 left last year, another one will leave this year and although he is friendly with others it doesn't seem to be the same. And it will keep happening.

He could prob stay on here but he doesn't really want to continue in the role he is in and there is another guy waiting in the wings for the role as it were. And as he says he has told people so often that I don't want to move that he wouldn't be offered a move! Moscow was a possibility but I have always said no way. Other possibilities are Prague or Warsaw. To be honest the thoughts of moving again to another 'foreign' posting just makes me feel tired and depressed. I think after 4 moves I have done my bit.

Yes I know what you mean about disruption in friendships and now he of an age where he notices it.

Growing up, we were moved very often. I think I attended in all 5 primary schools but it was all ok with me because we had such a sheltered, happy, wonderful childhood (certainly cf to what my dd experiences, gawd... but that's another thread!). The schools were all good and I suppose since there were 3 of us kids, we had the continuity of friendship with each other to sort of balance it, you know?

Wouldn't fancy Moscow myself these days with a dc either. Too harsh a place, although there are some things I love about Russia, I wouldn't choose to live there.

That's a lovely school Taunton from all I've heard. Think it'd be great for ds to go there.

I think also the age at which childrenn move from one country and school to another makes a difference. We lived abroad when we were kids - I found it difficult to settle because I had had to leave my new friends in secondary school in UK but my sister just took to it like a duck to water, being younger. And when we moved back to UK, I kicked up a stink because I had my independent wild party teenage lifestyle, which I didn't want to leave! Nothing to do with education just friends. And once more, my ssister was fine. Teenagers are such a pain, eh!

BTW, I'm in bosnia, sany and deb. The snow is always pretty but I do love my sunshine! It's pure spring here today and I am feeling all optimistic and happy again! And I can't wait for summer....

bums, my witty crossing out trick didn't work
(In my mind I am funnier than I am in reality, of course )

Oh, and debs, the PJs are a Dunnes Stores special - Buda will know what I am talking about!

Wellies - I do indeed know Dunnes Stores! D is currently wearing pants that my sis got in Dunnes for 50c for a pack of 8!!! She works there at weekends.

Are you PrincessSnowLife with a new name?

We didn't have much snow at all this year - about 2 day before Xmas and about a week early Jan. Some forecast for next week though - and we had a fab week this week - 17/18/19 degrees.

yes, I am - my third and final name change. This time I have found my perfect name!
Yes, I heard that we're forecast snow for next week. Ah well, sure it won't stick around for long [overly-optimistic].
Dunnes is the best.

Scotsgirl: you're probably not watching this thread any more but yes Car Talk and Wait Wait don't tell me were exactly the reasons I loved NPR. Who'd have thought a program about cars could be hilarious?

OK, that's absolutely the last thread hijack I will do. Sorry!

MrsBBK, Check this out: www.cartalk.com (sorry, I'm extending the hijack)
Deb, one thing to bear in mind, I think it still takes about 2 years to really adapt (i.e. begin to forget what things were like in the other country) even when you're moving back 'home'. In other words, similar to moving out to somewhere new. At least, that was my experience.

I think it takes a few years to begin to 'build a life' in a new culture/another country. Inevitably there will be trying times. It is very easy to idealise your 'old' life/country, when you are in the adjustment process of your new life - especially if you struggle, which most everyone inevitably does.

After 20 off/on years of London life, we recently moved back 'home'. I miss London and our friends there tremendously. But when I was in London, I missed it here.

One of the biggest surprises to being back 'home' is just how much I'm starting over. A fully formed 'old life' isn't waiting for us here. People, places and things have moved on in our absence - and we've changed too. Friends and family dropped everything when we came to visit, so it was easy/understandable that we felt seduced by a sense of intimacy and camaraderie.

But now that we're here all the time, we see just how busy everyone is. They are not as much a part of our day to day lives as I anticipated. I think the reason is that they have got on with their lives here in our absence. If we had an emergency, or really needed help they would drop everything. But, they have spent the past 20 years building lives that include us sporadically.

Long way of saying, going 'home' will perhaps require more of an adjustment than you anticipate - especially if you've been gone for a significant period of time.

Good advice SSSandy and Debs. I actually spoke with DH again about this last night and we have decided to give things another 18 months (yikes) and if by that time there is no improved he has agreed that he will look into getting a job back in the UK

This has made me feel much better and although 18 mo seems a long time, I know it will quick relatively quickly and knowing this puts a more positive light on things...

...meant to add that for DH to even consider the possibility of looking for a job back in the UK is a big turnaround!

Totally agree with your post Earlybird

I don't know where my home is, tbh. I've lived in 8 countries in 24 years. Eachcountry has become a part of who i am, but I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I was born in the UK, but I remember nothing about the UK. I went there on holiday, but i don't have a british accent, I don't know anything about the place. It says on my passport that i'm English, but when I went on hoiday there and needed to take a taxi to Pinner, I couldn't tell the lady at the airport which county it was in. I have british friends, I like british chocolate, but, except for my passport, I'm not English.

I lived in America for a few years, but I have a green card so everyone labels me as a foreigner.

I lived in Puerto Rico, and my spanish is as good as a native, but i have blonde hair and I'm seen as a gringa (a north american!)

I fell in love with Italy because everyone thought I was Italian, and I felt i belonged. It was the first time in my life that i had a place to call home. I didn't think I would ever leave. Even now, in vietnam when someone asks me where my home is, I say Italy. It was a huge part o f my life at the time and i do miss it. I have some very italian habits and I always talk about italy and speak to Italians when I meet some in Asia.

Having said this though, I'm not sure I would see Italy as I once did if I were to go back. Life in Asia is so different and I've grown so much as a person here. This place has also become a part of me.

grat news bebespain. You keep positive now. How is the bub coming along?

That is a danger, isn't it, Vietnam? You wind up not feeling truly at home anywhere. Think I'm a bit like that myself. Sounds like Italy has become your spiritual home. Will you be going back there one day, do you think?

of course that was GREAT news not grat

we will be moving in a year

Have you spoken to dd about it cinders?