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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

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Original poster

Managing Yearning to Return to the UK-how?

61 replies

middler · 08/07/2023 01:51

Just wondering how people manage the yearning to move back to the UK?

I don't know if it is my age ( early 50s) or life stage( kids tween and teen) but having had 15 years in the US recently I have been having this yearning to return home. My dad is quite elderly so not even sure how long he will be in the picture but I just miss the familiarity of my home country.

We have a good life where we live, well paid jobs, kids in good schools but as time goes on I feel increasingly isolated somehow. Yes we have friends but we spend most time as a family unit and I suppose I imagine that in the UK I would see family members and so enjoy that connection.

How do people handle these bouts of yearning to return to the UK when they hit?

OP posts:

PartyRingFan · 21/01/2024 10:20

Ultimately homesickness is an itch that will never go away by itself.

SophW89 · 21/01/2024 11:44

Best of luck! Hope it all works out:)

Original poster

middler · 21/01/2024 18:57

Thank you everyone for all the insights you shared.
For now we remain overseas. When we look at the UK at the house prices relative to the wages for jobs it just seems so impossible for young people to ever be able to buy a home- we live in a very expensive city but there are places where you can buy a home more affordably, thinking for our kids as they grow up and what they may need.

We feel lucky the UK will always be there as an option.

I also don't feel confident in my judgement at the moment. I have had so many happy years where we live but suddenly as aging parents on both side have passed away I have felt this longing to return home but some of the most important people are now gone and I think that in my mind, I sort of think they are still there and if we were in the UK I could see them again-totally irrational.

I do miss our home culture still. I just look at the home prices even in my former home town in the North and it is 500k just to get a normal home and yet the wages just don't match. At least where we live whilst homes are expensive , wages are double what they are in the UK. A family member recently died after being told they would have to wait 8 hours for an ambulance which is utterly shocking..... so that worries us too.

At the same time I know I will always miss so much about the UK, but I need to just know that it may be we can move back on retirement.

OP posts:

LenaLamont · 21/01/2024 19:05

In December 2011 there were 4 people who waited over 12 hours in A&E to be seen.

In December 2023 there were 44,000 people who waited over 12 hours in A&E to be seen.

The U.K. is fucked beyond all recognition, OP. Infrastructure bollocksed beyond belief and major cities are going bankrupt thanks to government cuts to their budgets.

I wouldn’t come back while things are like this.
(figures for A&E from More Or Less fact checking on R4)

Acorinthian · 21/01/2024 19:11

Having recently relocated back to the UK (home) I would say (light heartedly) GET OVER IT and stay where you are!!! It’s cold, it’s grey, you have to do literally everything yourself (petrol stations-why?!!) and did I mention it’s cold.

on the plus though I wouldn’t hear a word said against uk education system & the nhs (when comparing against their counterparts in other parts of the world)

Original poster

middler · 21/01/2024 23:56

Yes I may just need to get over it. Been out today in just a hoody even though it is our cold spell and I know the weather would be a bit of a shock having so much sunshine where we live. It's just as you get older I think you want to be around the family you do have left and people from your own culture.

OP posts:

Original poster

middler · 22/01/2024 00:21

Sunflowergirl1 · 21/01/2024 07:14

This thread got resurrected from July but has prompted me to update after replying to the OPs concerns.

The U.K. does have lovely places and no one loves walking in The Dales/Lakes more than us, or visiting London. It is not just cost of living etc as that is an international issue, but just everything feels broken...and it is going to stay broken as all politicians will do is bicker, won't ever work together and have a short term window.

The net migration figures now are utterly ludicrous when there is no money or even skilled people to build up the essential services that such as huge population inflow requires.

I would be interested what the OP decided to do @middler ?

From my post on 10 July we had planned to discuss our thoughts about leaving the U.K. again for good. . We decided we just can't see any hope. DH and I are both highly skilled but are sick of being literally strangled by U.K. taxation being what it is and so many people that are adapting their lives and salaries to either avoid higher rate tax or be able to maintain their benefits is ludicrous. One of my direct reports told me that in the last 6 months she has had 3 of our staff apply to reduce hours just to avoid the higher rate child benefit charge. FFS!!!

The thought of our kids who will hopefully have decent salary levels paying out the best part of 60% + in various direct tax and student loan repayments just makes me feel sick. Where is the incentive?

In any event have decided to bite the bullet and return. We have started making preparations and we intend to move later this year. We are both looking back at jobs but clearly it isn't going to be an issue as from the feelers we have both put out, we were already being told to just tell them when we have first dates and they would make offers!!. We are going to plan the move and take a few months off work when we arrive to sort everything and support and enjoy things with the kids.

We told our families over Xmas and of course they are sad we are leaving but understand. However, friends we left there are delighted and already planning in things.

It is of course a risk but I cannot see any future government giving us hope. The Conservatives are just burnt out and bickering, and frankly Labour soon will be when the extreme left kick off. They will screw it up as they always do.

We haven't yet told friends in the U.K yet. We are going to tell them when we have everything planned as we will be so sad leaving them as well and don't want an extended period of sad get togethers.

So folks that was my update

Show quote history

Sunflower that must have been a hard decision to make if your family is in the UK. My husband feels the same about the UK and thinks there would be less opportunities for the kids as they get older because of the issues the UK faces. I remember when property was affordable for everyone in the UK so lower wages and higher taxes were not such a big issue as they are today perhaps. I do take it for granted we can easily save money where we live now and I just am not sure we would find jobs easily in the UK.

Good luck with your move back Sunflower.

OP posts:

Sunflowergirl1 · 22/01/2024 05:43

Thanks @middler. Yes the decision was hard in some ways. I think there were a number of things ongoing which just made us continue to think the U.K. is broken and until we get a government that realises we can't just keep on borrowing hundreds of billions every year, but also focused on improving things, there isn't much chance really.
We had an elderly relative have an awful NHS experience. On a trolley for hours in a corridor and dreadful care. Currently we are lucky with schools but the reality is many are awful and our minds have turned very much to what our children who are rapidly growing up will do.

The toughest bit is we know in reality this is it. The kids are at a phases whereby they will be settled where we are going and their future will be there. In reality that means ours will be and we won't be able to return again in a practical sense. I suppose in doing our research it is fairly shocking that in the net migration figure, how big the outflow has been, with many being highly skilled like myself and DH. Is almost like no one is bothered.

Anyway...it sounds like you are working your dilemma through and thanks for the good wishes

JellyOnAPlateJellyOffThePlate · 15/03/2024 16:29

@middler It's interesting that I'm having exactly the same feelings as you at the moment, but I live in the Uk and came here from another country at a young age.
I've made the UK my home, married to a local, have lots of friends, our parents are here, very settled. But...the pull of my home country never goes away.
I'm younger than you and my child is still young so I feel like it's now or never, but our parents are here and DH doesn't speak my country's language, plus after Brexit he can't just come and work there just like that.
But as time goes on it will be harder and harder to move.
It hurts that my child won't have the same national identity as me, won't think of my country as her home and English is her mother tongue (though the rational part of me tells myself this is an advantage as she won't have to learn it as a second language later).
I do make a big effort to speak my language to her and to expose her to my culture, extended trips to my home country etc but it's not the same.
Of course I knew all this before committing to starting a family here but it's one thing knowing something on an intellectual level and actually feeling it as you're living it.
It seems like these feelings are common to emigrants, wherever you're from and wherever you're living.
I hope you manage to make the right decision.

Original poster

middler · 17/03/2024 14:53

Just updating in case it helps anyone in a similar situation. The weird bout of homesickness has passed over like a very long storm that went on and on. We are seeing all the good things about where we live and accepting that it is better for our kids to be where we are now. We may go back to the UK in retirement which is maybe a decade away and the kids could go to the UK for university if they choose to.

I also had this fear that we could move and the kids just hate the school system over there. They are in excellent schools here and as the teachers are pretty well paid, they rarely have supply teachers and they enjoy school and they could get picked on for their accents etc in the UK and just find the culture really alien. I do HATE The gun situation in the US and the fact that I will always have that concern at the back of my mind but friends in big cities in the UK tell me they worry about their sons due to the knife crime situation over there. Our kids are raised in the US and they are American so I think we have to put their preferences before ours till they get to 18 and I just know we cannot earn the kind of salaries we make in the US in the UK. We can easily save a decent chunk of money every month here even with a big mortgage and I think we probably have taken that for granted now we have got used to it. So I am out of the awful longing that really was affecting me for a good 12-18 months I would say for anyone else reading this who is in that 'take me home' fug where ever you may be....it may well pass.

OP posts:

Sunflowergirl1 · 18/03/2024 07:19

@middler . Really pleased for you that you have settled somewhat. You certainly do have a lot going for you in the US. No where is perfect of course and yes gun crime in the inner cities U.K. is not great, but is not the problem of the US.

We are making progress but haven't put house up for sale yet as I'm fairly assured it will sell quickly and I don't want an interim rental. I'm glad the kids are really looking forward to the move and returning to a more outdoor lifestyle. We have promised them we will move to a coastal area so they are content

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