Relocating to New York or New Jersey from London with special needs child

[caticlan]

I am considering whether it would be beneficial to relocate to New York or New Jersey from London for my autistic child, 4, as he starts school. I would be interested to hear experiences of families who have done this? Did you find that there are more or better school options / support services in NY or NJ than London/England?

A bit more background: My son, while still undiagnosed, is likely autistic. He fits more of the 'high-functioning" profile, has language delay (he is a gestalt language processor) and mild sensory processing issues (limited diet/sensitivity to loud noises). He is currently in a mainstream pre-school with a 1:1 support. Based on my research online, it just seems that New York or New Jersey school districts have more support or school options for children in the spectrum (esp. those of the HFA type) that what we can get in the UK, which is currently facing funding constraints. I have noted that SEN schools are very hard to get into in the UK due to limited slots, and mainstream schools with 30 class size may not necessarily be appropriate for my child. What I think is ideal for my son is a mainstream school with an ASD unit, but it seems even that is difficult to get into. We are currently in the EHCP assessment stage.

We are an immigrant family in the UK, so we have no family ties here. My company (in the financial services industry) can offer me an option to relocate to the NYC office (midtown), so we would likely be living in New York or New Jersey suburbs.

Simple question - can you afford the medical bills? Will he be able to get insurance and long term support as an adult?

Tbh I think if you have any long term medical condition you're better off staying with the NHS.

I am not in NY/NJ, I am in MD, but I have 2 kids with ASD. NY/NJ have a reputation for being the best in the country for school supports, but it's tricky as the structure varies by district. Federal law (IDEA) requires that a student be kept in the "Least restrictive environment" which means there's pressure for academically on-track students to be mainstreamed. IEPs (American equivalent of EHCP) require the school to justify time spent out of the mainstream class setting.

The rough structure here would be:
Full mainstream (with or without a 1:1)
Mainstream with either pullout support or an ICT (integrated co-teaching) class. This is a class with both special education and regular students and 2 teachers, one special education. The class size may be smaller. In NYC there is an ICT class programme specifically aimed at HFA called ASD NEST: 12 mainstream students, 4 autistic students, 2 teachers. It has an excellent reputation.
Specialist class within mainstream school
Specialist school, public or sometimes private. Getting a funded private place for HFA is difficult and may involve a court case.

Legal protections that do seem to be better here: It's harder to exclude a student, it's harder to say "he can't cope" and send him home. If something is wrong with a placement, the district is obligated to fix it and the timelines are set by law--I don't hear about kids sitting at home for months, which I have amongst friends & family in the UK. Also, especially in the suburbs, primary classes are smaller, more like 20 children.

I do think American schools have worked out better for mine, but I don't know that it would have been enough reason to move on its own. There's a lot to calculate financially and in terms of lifestyle.

(Forgot this part)

There's quite a lot of variables here. However:

• children can stay on their parents' insurance until age 26
• you are entitled to a free & appropriate public education until age 21 (high school graduation can be delayed to take advantage of this if a child is not ready)
• schools are required to provide transition services to assist students with disabilities with entry into higher education or the work force
• A growing number of colleges have special programmes for students on the autism spectrum to assist them with the extra skills necessary for success
• If someone is severely disabled, they will qualify for SSI and Medicaid as an adult, though waiting lists for services such as group homes can be lengthy.

states also have additional Home and Community Based Services (aka the autism waiver) for disabled children though the criteria vary. Where we used to live all autistic children were entitled to apply without consideration of parental income (so, basically any child who doesn't somehow have assets of their own). Where I live now the criteria are stricter.

There's quite a few resources available--the issue is the amount of time and effort it takes to navigate them, complete paperwork, apply, and so on. There's been times the school didn't tell me X was available till I asked for it.

My company (in the financial services industry) can offer me an option to relocate to the NYC office (midtown), so we would likely be living in New York or New Jersey suburbs.

To put it bluntly, this is one of the most expensive areas in the entire country to live and taxes are very high. You'll have to be earning a very substantial income to live reasonably comfortably and you're money won't go far when it comes to housing.

Also, will your employer be offering good health insurance and how much of it will they be subsidising?

You could also look at Connecticut. Still expensive but possibly more housing options and the schools are generally very good.

There is nothing on the nhs for autism post diagnosis so that in itself wouldn’t make any diff

Very interesting discussion

It'll be worth investigating if your insurance will pay for eg speech therapy, OT, physical therapy etc. My autistic daughter receives these services as part of her school day with her IEP but we top up with private sessions too, all of which are fully covered on our health plan. We are in the Midwest.

With autism, I would choose New Jersey over Connecticut. There's plenty of options in New Jersey at a variety of price points and it's closer than CT. in any case this would need more numbers.

we have copays on speech and OT so it costs us $30 a session. But I have friends saying they need to top up NHS/school provision privately, so I can't say which country is cheaper there. It also seems to be easier to access services in the USA, though the number of people who don't accept insurance (especially in child psych) is growing.

I think it's well worth thorough investigation, especially as you have nothing tying you to the UK.

I am living in a school district in the midwest that people move to purely for the special ed provision in the public schools. You would need to look at the reputation of individual school districts, not the state as a whole, when deciding where to live. School districts (= catchment areas) are primarily locally funded by means of property taxes, meaning well-off areas tend to have better schools and better special ed provision.

Looking at amount spent per child in any given district should give you an idea of the resources of the district. You can dive deeper if you search by district and keep on digging to see revenues and investigate their special ed services.

You can trawl through GreatSchools to get an idea of what you're looking for too.

I don't know if this is widespread, but my local school districts (elementary and high school) fund services by outside vendors if a student has a demonstrated need and provision isn't available in-house.

There are several local providers of educational services for children and teens who cannot be mainstreamed for various reasons. The districts pay for these services and provide transport to and from the locations daily. The districts also provide funding and transport to children who receive OT or SLT or other services related to their IEP outside of the school setting during the school day, picking up children in school and returning them.

I was living in New Jersey with 2 high functioning autistic children. I know the rules well.

You want NYC district 75. Do not consider New Jersey or CT. Get the evaluation (Cornell was $1500 and a 2 week wait with the pediatrician pushing years ago) and once you know exactly what it is, push for the IEP and get your child into one of the special needs private schools. You pay the fees, the sue them every year and they reimburse. It’s annoying.

Whatever you do, do not touch NJ because they don’t have any gifted aspect that addresses the needs of HFA. The school districts are small so they don’t have enough children to offer the breadth of programs needed for the children in their district. It’s a nightmare because it’s super hard to go to a different district to the on where you live.

Depending on how sever the behaviors are the YMCA in Chinatown has the special needs camps. They are super expensive but health insurance and the city cover the cost.

Budget wise, fidi is a good spot as easy to get to both sides of Manhattan.

Also, get the WISC testing for your son. My elder two were both over 145 IQ so they qualify for help from the Davidson Institute. The advisors there have been amazing. They have been able to help with so many aspects of parenting these unique children.

@knitnerd90 You could be right, I'm just thinking of the cost of trying to relocate to a Jersey suburb that's a reasonable commute into midtown and also offers a good qua!it of life for a young family.

I have a house in Connecticut, you can take a train into midtown and it'll take over an hour (give or take). Honestly, there are no rentals to speak of and housing prices are absolutely staggering. NJ is twice as expensive🙁I'm familiar with the area so for the heck of it I did a quick Zillow search and couldn't even find a listing for under $1,000,000. And the homes in that price range needed a lot of work!

Of course the OP lives in London so perhaps wouldn't be shocked by the rental market in the Tri-state area. I do think you have to be realistic about the cost of living in that area though.

D75 is not for higher functioning kids. That's an odd suggestion. You need to be placed into D75.

it is easier to sue in New York due to court decisions. But don't write off all public schools. I do know people in suburban public who are very happy. Everything depends on a child's specific needs and profile. For some kids, not having mainstream peers is detrimental. My HFA/2E child is doing well in public school, and from what I've seen, there aren't many private schools anywhere in the USA that would do better. In some ways it's beneficial that we are in a large district and one of the few that offers a 2E programme.

@GulfCoastBeachGirl exactly where in NJ were you looking? I can definitely find for less, but it's not going to be right next to Manhattan or on the PATH. (I don't live in NJ but have quite a few friends and some family there)

D75 is good because it’s easier to get out of district placement and services. If your child has a IEP it’s where you will be placed. You want the IEP and not a 504. They will place you into the nest program if there are spaces. It’s a big IF because they didn’t have places for my children. The program isn’t what it was after DeBlasio pretty much dismantled the gifted program.

Take a look at the Lang school. It was excellent for my son. We were in NJ and Nj will not cover any tuition out of state. Rules make it impossible to get into Newmark if you are not connected with extremely deep pockets. Sued our district based on lack of least restricted access to education and lack of ability to meet their needs. My child was being restrained in school, showed lack of progress, lack of attainment to their level of ability and the judge still went with the district to give them yet another chance. We had reports upon reports all saying the same thing. The judge went with the district despite it being very clear they couldn’t follow the IEP they had agreed to.

Personally, I would be extremely selective regarding the school you send your child to. The catholic schools are very good and it’s where I’ve placed my children. It’s not fancy but they are there for the children. The catholic school where my children attend are very good and allow our private therapists to work in the school with our children. Public schools do not allow this but then restrict OT and speech services.

Another big plus of NYC is income exempt Medicaid for disabled children. We dropped $150/hr on speech and OT each. My children had 4 hours a week. Then there was physical therapy and play therapy. We easily dropped $1000/wk because we lived in Jersey. Plus we paid tuition for Lang out of pocket. Humbling that we could afford it but bloody live in NYC (you have 5 boroughs to pick from, not just Manhattan).

Not for nothing, families who tell me they are happy in public school are either lying or bribing the district. The families who had a genuinely good experience in our public district sat on the board of education and did the bidding on behalf of the superintendent of the district.

PTA isn’t enough. You need to donate big money, $100k minimum, and sit on the board, which means funding an election campaign. You will end up doing deals with developers etc which are on the line legally. Professionally it’s not worth it. I also like to be able to sleep at night.

@mathanxiety

In NJ they make suing the district for out of district placement a sport. It’s ridiculous and the courts were backed up with waits of approximately 12-18 months because of a lack of judges. The Federal judiciary got involved and they cleared cases by assigning unqualified judges. These judges denied everyone, siding with districts. We appealed and won legal costs. The judge made comments about my lack of parenting despite extensive reports documenting my child’s School refusal being based on the district locking them in a dark room when they had a meltdown.

When I say do not move to NJ, unfortunately it’s for good reason. I also would never send my child to public school nor most private schools. They do not think twice about restraining a child and the damage done is so hard to recover from. Behavior plans are never followed.

@Aintnosupermum

It's very odd to hear that your children are thriving in a RC school. My local RC schools (midwest US) have next to nothing in place for children with ASD, for gifted children, or children experiencing delays in any area, perhaps with the exception of the occasional very highly functioning child with Downs Syndrome.

They are happy to release children onto the local public school busses to be taken to OT or SLT with a public school district aide on board to make sure they make it from the bus to the therapist on the other end, sign them out and sign them back in again.

I don't recognize your scenario involving bribery, etc, either. That all seems very adversarial. I know families from my DCs' RC school who have been advised that their child would do much better in the special ed programs in the local public school district, and their experience in the public schools has borne that out. Again, I'm in the midwest, in a well to do suburb of a major city. 'Your mileage may vary' as they say.

Also, the OP didn't mention giftedness wrt her child, just an assumption of HFA. If she comes to the US, she would need to have her child assessed, of course - locally, the public school district offers testing to anyone who is referred by a teacher or self refers, regardless of whether you're in a district school or private. Even out of district children can be tested and offered services as long as the school they attend is within the municipal/ school district boundary.

No, not all kids with IEPs are D75. Where are you getting this? Kids can have an IEP and be placed in a mainstream or ICT class in their district school. My cousin is a D75 principal and another is an ASD NEST teacher so I'm quite sure of how it works. D75 schools are for children who require self-contained classes with low ratios. Most children with disabilities in NYC are educated in mainstream schools.

Catholic schools have no legal obligation to cover your IEP needs and can kick kids out at will. You want to accuse people I know personally of lying, but suggest an option that I know has failed children. Lang and Quad are two of the very few schools that specialise in 2E. If you've had good luck in Catholic, that's great... but I know too many people who have had bad experiences in regular private schools.

De Blasio talked a big game about gifted, but not that many changes were made--and they should be, because the NYC gifted programme as currently constructed fails 2E children. It relies on being an all-rounder who can pass the test at a young age. There's never been enough slots in ASD NEST as it's so expensive to staff.

In any case we don't know if OP's child is 2E; she only mentioned ASD.

No offense but until you have been through it as a parent you don’t know how it works. I went through it. Principals mean well but aren’t the decision makers and aren’t involved in the IEP process. Principals run the school. Superintendents are the ultimate decision makers and control the budget, but they also don’t attend IEP meetings. It’s normally just you, the coordinator/social worker managing the IEP and applicable staff.

NYC is one school district with subdivision districts, hence services are all provided through district 75. You can have an IEP and be in a mainstream setting but budgeting process means services come out of district 75.

If your child is placed in district 75 it’s because they are assigned to a special needs classroom. This is why it makes it easier to get out of district placement.

Also, I’ve been very clear in my posts that catholic schools can work but you have to be very careful. For dyslexia the catholic schools often have learning support to cover this. The school my children attend has this. It’s covered by donations from the parish and diocese.

Autism will prevent him from being treated for anything by many, many insurance providers. Do your research. We were thinking of relocating and were quoted $20k just for my daughter’s insurance.

This is illegal since the ACA.

I have been through it as a parent, albeit in other states. My child also qualifies for Davidson. I don't think you can generalise about an entire state and accuse school boards of corruption willy-nilly the way you are. The process of suing is hardly straightforward in New York, ether, if that's the route someone chooses to go.

Ok so you have not been through it in New York or New Jersey. I’ve been through it in both states and Texas.

It’s really hard parenting a HFA child and this parent needs accurate information on how to best navigate. You are giving them wrong information which can seriously impact the wellbeing of their child. Quad and Lang are both good but fees are $80k a year. Being able to get reimbursed is a necessity for 99.9% of families.

OP, get the evaluation going now. Cornell and Langone are both good but have lengthy waits. You don’t need a referral to put your name down on the list. The wait list is normally 6-8 months, right now it will be lower than average. If you wait until September it will be longer than average. Get teacher forms done now so you have that in your back pocket. You can always have the teachers from class do the forms again state side.

I have not been through it in New York, but honestly, yes: 1, I am going to trust my relatives who live and work in NYC over you, and 2, some of these rules do not vary by state; they are set in federal law. You are also giving bad advice that is extremely specialised to children who don't/can't function in the public system, which may not be applicable to OP. You're jumping the gun to suing. TBH if OP comes here to do that she may as well stay in the UK. The American system, IME, does a better job for kids who fit in mainstream schools and pushes them out less. If OP's goal is to go private, I don't see that it's really easier in the USA. Because of the emphasis on mainstreaming for children who can cope academically it can be difficult to find good private placements for them, though if you can anywhere, it will be NYC (which has more private schools of every type).

I wasn't specifically suggesting Quad or Lang for OP since I don't know her child; I was just mentioning that they are two of the very rare schools that specialise in 2E. Most don't. I have two children with HFA, so I actually am very familiar with what it's like to parent them. One is off to university in September, so I've been at this a long time. Again, we do not know OP's child's specific needs.