Relocating to New York or New Jersey from London with special needs child

[caticlan]

I am considering whether it would be beneficial to relocate to New York or New Jersey from London for my autistic child, 4, as he starts school. I would be interested to hear experiences of families who have done this? Did you find that there are more or better school options / support services in NY or NJ than London/England?

A bit more background: My son, while still undiagnosed, is likely autistic. He fits more of the 'high-functioning" profile, has language delay (he is a gestalt language processor) and mild sensory processing issues (limited diet/sensitivity to loud noises). He is currently in a mainstream pre-school with a 1:1 support. Based on my research online, it just seems that New York or New Jersey school districts have more support or school options for children in the spectrum (esp. those of the HFA type) that what we can get in the UK, which is currently facing funding constraints. I have noted that SEN schools are very hard to get into in the UK due to limited slots, and mainstream schools with 30 class size may not necessarily be appropriate for my child. What I think is ideal for my son is a mainstream school with an ASD unit, but it seems even that is difficult to get into. We are currently in the EHCP assessment stage.

We are an immigrant family in the UK, so we have no family ties here. My company (in the financial services industry) can offer me an option to relocate to the NYC office (midtown), so we would likely be living in New York or New Jersey suburbs.

Well they are federal laws so they don’t change but how they are applied by each state does differ.

You have not been through it in NYC or NJ but here you are telling me my experience isn’t valid despite having gone through it. Ok.

I was not jumping the gun by suing. It’s how it works in NJ and NYC. When you don’t agree to an IEP you are suing the district. Most parents don’t realize what they are doing and before they know it they are in over their heads. If you want tuition reimbursed in NYC you are suing the district. It’s what you do. It’s about $10-15k in legal costs which you request reimbursement for. Don’t use an advocate because advocate fees are not reimbursed by districts, only legal fees.

Retaliation is a big problem in NJ. Advocacy in NYC is much stronger and the state regularly loses in court because the judges are more experienced in NYC courts on special education laws compared to NJ. For this reason NYC will nearly always settle before court.

we are going in circles, but what I am saying is that you're wrongly generalising. It is simply, provably and statistically, false that everyone goes straight to court to sue for private placement. Most people don't have the resources to do that in any state. And as I said, some kids genuinely are better served in a mainstream environment. You have no way to know where OP's child would do best.

You've actually claimed that anyone who says their child is happy in public school is lying or they've bribed the school district, which certainly can't be said to be your direct experience--you're saying that since they didn't have your experience they must be lying.

it is easier to win in New York courts. As I understand it, this is in part because of a court case where a family was able to successfully win reimbursement for unilateral private placement without trying the recommended placement on the IEP. It isn't necessarily because a judge is more experienced--the case law is actually more favourable in New York. (I would still take New Jersey over Pennsylvania, where I lived before here. I was just outside Philadelphia and people would regularly move to NJ. The one thing Pennsylvania has is a better Medicaid waiver.)

Frankly, if you've been through the courts in three states, is it likely that the common denominator in all the litigiousness and the issues dealing with school admin is you?

The OP is in the UK, and her child has not yet been assessed. He has a slight speech delay and suspected HFA, not yet confirmed. What her child needs and what your child needs may well be poles apart.

Your posts focus on gifted HFA children and their plight. HFA and gifted are not synonymous 100% of the time. You advocate sending a child with a speech delay to the RC schools - which have tremendous strengths; I sent my NT children to my local parish school, and they thrived there - but provision for any kind of SEN isn't required on the part of RC schools and any good experience there for a child with SEN is a matter of pure luck. How many changes of RC school should the OP be willing to put her child through before finding the elusive RC school that ticks all the boxes?

The vast majority of children in special ed programs in public schools in middle-class areas will get a well-funded, appropriate education. It would be a huge pity to cast aspersions on normal special ed provision and the ability of the vast majority of public schools in well funded districts to provide an adequate education to the vast majority of students within their schools just because your unusual experiences were unsatisfactory.

Special ed provision in the US, especially in well funded districts, is so far ahead of what's available in the UK there really is no comparison.

Again, I’m sharing my experience of how it works in the two states the OP is considering. To say NJ is a good choice for a child with suspected HFA is dangerous. Its not as good as NYC.

@mathanxiety Ive been through the courts in NJ and NYC. NJ was horrendous and NYC was alright. I’m not the problem here. My child was restrained by staff at school in NJ. The damage that did was awful and yes I sued them because they clearly couldn’t meet the needs of my child. The IEP is a legal document. If you don’t agree to what the school propose you are mediating and if you can’t mediate you are in court. Technically speaking we were in court with a judge (on zoom) 5 times when my child was restrained and the judge was pushing the district to agree to out of district placement. The district waited it out and when a new judge was assigned got their way that they could implement their IEP. 10mins before our final court hearing the district came to the table to make an offer. I accepted it because we had already moved the children and I had zero faith in their ability to meet the needs of my child. I took the money I could get, despite it not covering the costs incurred. No one is able to see the settlement agreement. You can’t even request it because it’s considered damaging to the child.

When it came to financial payout I had to go in front of a judge to be accused of gouging the district. I kindly reminded the judge of the $140k I had put out plus my time, worth about $150k plus the impact to my family and she went quiet and approved the settlement. You tell me, am I wrong for suing a district that put a disabled child in a closet while they had a meltdown? Am I wrong for suing a district that failed, despite multiple written requests, to conduct a behavioral assessment and implement a behavioral plan? Am I wrong for suing a district that held my child down while they choked on their hair and thought they were going to die? These things happened to my child. No, I didn’t stand by and play nice.

NYC was actually not a bad experience. Showed the school fees paid, went before the judge and 15mins later shook hands with the lady from the district. All done. Reimbursement took a week and they reimbursed 100% of legal costs too. That’s NYC for you though. Judge actually cared and heard for both children at the same time despite different dockets. Very kind of them.

It’s not just those specific schools in very specific areas. Will he actually benefit from a life in the USA?

@Newnamenewname109870

The US has excellent therapeutic help available which just isn’t available on the same scale in the UK. What’s important to know is that all over the world HFA is rarely managed well in any school. Public school in America is another beast. It’s not anything like state school in the UK.

Restraining children happens all the time in the US and it’s legal. I had to argue that the restraint my child was put in was not an authorized restraint, that the specific event caused PTSD (their defense was that my child was previously put in a ‘windowless room’) and going to a different school in the same district wasn't sufficient.

What horrified me was the other parents shrugging their shoulders. House prices are linked to the school district. No one is going to rock the boat and your child, having a disability, is seen as a cost which they shouldn’t have to pay for. NYC has a very different attitude. Take a look at understood.org. The board is stacked with heavy hitters who have disabled children. They have made it their business to ensure children get what they need.

The Davidson institute is excellent. Their help has been amazing. As my children enter teenage years they have the classes and activities that enable my children to meet other similar to them. Currently it’s a struggle and my eldest has gone a very long time having no friends. This help is only available to those resident in the US or who are Us citizens. It’s also free to use. The founder, Bob Davidson, and his wife are nothing short of amazing with what they have accomplished with their foundation.