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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Original poster

If you moved overseas for your partner's job, are you happy?

57 replies

alarkaspree · 11/02/2008 20:05

We are considering moving to New York for 2-3 years for dh's job. I have mostly agreed but am now having a lot of second thoughts.

I know the city well, and know we could enjoy life there. But I'm not sure if I want to leave our families, all of whom our children are very close to. And I'm not sure I can face all the organisation either.

He doesn't need to work there but it would improve his career prospects. And he currently has to visit NY anyway for a week every month, which actually is quite hard for us all. So at least if we lived there he would be around all the time.

I am really torn. Please come and tell me your experiences.

OP posts:
duchesse · 12/02/2008 06:49

It's so addictive, this expat lifestyle...

I'd go again it tomorrow given 1/2 a chance. Just drop everything and bugger off, I would.

slim22 · 12/02/2008 06:54

Go.

If you do not have any qualms about putting a career on hold and are just happy to go along and do the mummy thing for a few years you'd be foolish not too.

You have a long life ahead of you. There'll be plenty of time to settle. I personally prefer to jump and try than regret a missed opportunity. There is always something to learn.

The first phase of building up new friendship is the only tough bit but with school age children, that's going to be quite easy.

ConfusedMover · 12/02/2008 07:12

GO

ScienceTeacher · 12/02/2008 07:49

If you don't do it, you'll regret it.

I'd be wary about doing it on a local salary though. We had a full expat package when we were in the US, which compensated us for the disruption to our lives, but also enabled us to make the most of living there.

There are some educational things to take into account. If you find a good preschool and elementary school, then you have nothing to worry about. The key is to live in the right school district, so do take local advice on this. Your 6/7 year old will no doubt slot back into the UK system absolutely fine, despite having a year's less formal schooling. I'd only worry about this if they were secondary school age.

One thing that you have to realise about moving to the US is that it won't all be wonderful. A lot of it will be downright depressing and frustrating, as well as hard work in the few weeks before and after the move. It is so different going somewhere as a tourist than it is actually living there. However, that said, you will benefit from the experience hugely, and you will appreciate what you have at home.

My attitude to expat living is to take the best customs from home, and adopt the best ones in your host country, and vice versa when you get home.

scaryteacher · 12/02/2008 10:06

I moved to Belgium about 18 months ago, as my husband had a second appointment out here. We only saw each other once every six weeks for 2 years, as I was teaching in the UK, and DS was in a great prep. We talked every day, and e-mailed as well. The thought of doing that until at least 2010 was too much so I moved.

I'm not convinced about the International school DS goes to, seems complacent to me, however, he seems happy enough.

The quality of life is good here, and at least I can say I've lived abroad, even if Tervuren isn't the most glam of places to be! I'm glad I moved, so positives are that we've kept the house in the UK and rented it out, so will always have somewhere to go back to. The quality of life out here is good, and to a certain extent what you make it. I'm not working, so have got involved in DS's school; I'm learning Dutch, and catching up with my reading mountain. The beer, the chocolate and the food are great too. The negatives are that it takes 12 hours to get home to Cornwall, and I miss going out for breakfast with my mum after dropping DS at school on a Saturday morning. However, I take her out to breakfast when she's here.

I would have hated to look back and think 'if only I'd moved'. You have a great opportunity - make the most of it. On the other hand, a week away a month isn't much...time for you to do all the things you want when he isn't around.

ninedragons · 12/02/2008 10:25

I am looking forward to leaving Shanghai, because I have been away from home for many years and am pretty over the whole thing. You are lucky to have a defined period - two years sounds ideal. I have been trying to pin our departure date down for about three years now, and I think we are agreed on 18 months to two years hence. If it were up to me I would be on QF009 to Sydney at 6.00 tomorrow evening, but as an expat spouse you do have to suck certain things up. Much as I adore my husband, if he said he'd never move back to Australia I'd leave him.

China is also extremely hard work (language, cultural differences, pollution, the awful crowdedness - Shanghai has almost as many people as Australia), whereas I think NY would be much easier. The language barrier is probably the biggest problem, so obviously you won't face that.

I got my company to transfer me to the SH office and having my own job certainly helps, as does staying in constant touch with your friends and family by email and phone.

Original poster
alarkaspree · 12/02/2008 10:51

Oh lots more yesses. And even the nos say NY will be fine. Right, I will stop moaning.

Thanks very much all of you.

OP posts:
MrsSchadenfreude · 12/02/2008 10:55

Hello Scaryteacher! I lived in Tervuren until summer 06 (must have just missed you) and I suspect my two went to the same school that your DS is at (and yes, from us, too).

I am getting itchy feet and want to move on again...

Buda · 12/02/2008 11:03

When we moved to Bangkok (which was supposed to be our one and only big adventure ) we decided to make the most of where we were and holiday in the region and see as much of Asia as possible. We had a fantastic two and a half years. Took almost 3 months to travel back via Oz, New Zealand and some of the States. Arrived back with NO cash but had no regrets. Then we got bored hence the other moves.

You could use your time in NY to make the most of being in the States and travel around as much as possible too.

You mentioned a concern about your DH being able to return to UK eventually. Can he put a finite time on his time in NY? We have said that we will do 2 more years here if DH is in current job. If he gets a promotion (which we will know in the next couple of months) we will stay for 5 more years. Everyone knows this up front. There was talk of us moving to Moscow but I have said no. Made it very clear. DH could have other options in the region but he has said know as he knows I don't want to move again unless it is back to UK. It is maybe limiting him a bit but as he is looking at retiring from his job next anyway it isn't too much of a issue for us. What I am saying is that your DH needs to make sure that everyone knows that you will do 2 years or whatever.

scaryteacher · 12/02/2008 11:25

Mrs S, glad I'm not the only one who feels that way about the school near the museum. Boarding may still be an alternative. This is dh's second appointment out here, he was married unaccompanied and lived in Evere near work for the first two years. We are here for at least another 2 years, and maybe more if the appointer will wear it for another job. I moved out mid August 06.

Did you go anywhere nice after Tervuren? Where are you going next?

MrsSchadenfreude · 12/02/2008 11:46

Scaryteacher - no, a lot of people feel that way, but there is little alternative for senior school, unless you want to embrace the American system. I thought the Infants was OK, but the juniors was distinctly iffy and senior seemed to be a bit mixed, with drinking and shagging high on the agenda (as with most senior schools, I guess). They do, however, seem to get reasonable exam results.

I worked in Evere and lived on the small extate behind the supermarket in Terv - so very local to the school.

michie40 · 12/02/2008 11:53

I moved to Brussels in October for DH job - so far really like it. I have two dds and if I didn't have them and was not working i can see it would have been a lot more difficult. Having kids makes you go out and meet people and provides a lot more opportunities for socializing. However I am not sure what will happen in 2yrs time when i want to go back to work and don't speak the language but so far so good.

scaryteacher · 12/02/2008 12:24

Mrs S - I agree about juniors entirely, year 6 was a write off. Year 7 is OK so far, but I am watching closely. I have taken over the YC, so no drinking and shagging there!! Not that there was last year either. You were closer to the school than I am, I live on the road that leads to the aboretum. If you worked in Evere, you may know my DH, who is a rotund bearded underwater type, vertically challenged by name as well as nature?

scaryteacher · 12/02/2008 12:34

Michie - which commune are you in? Do you know you can do language lessons through the communes at a reduced price?

kindersurprise · 12/02/2008 12:43

Michie
I learnt enough German in 2 years to be able to start an apprenticeship here. So there is hope!

belgo · 12/02/2008 12:57

Michie - there are loads of english speaking jobs around Brussels.

I did an intense flemish course and learnt enough to work in flemish.

scaryteacher · 12/02/2008 13:06

Belgo, where did you do it, and how much was it? I could do with one of those - the Gemeente Dutch is great, but I only go once a week and need more lessons.

belgo · 12/02/2008 13:10

in the Instituut Levende Talen, in Leuven. Three hours a day, five days a week for three or four months, and then evening classes fot the following two years. I was working and living in a flemish environment and that made all the difference.

belgo · 12/02/2008 13:11

It was failry cheap - very cheap in fact.

scaryteacher · 12/02/2008 13:14

Belgo - Thanks for that, Leuven isn't far away. We obviously speak English at home, and I can get by on the basics in Flemish, but as I am here for at least another 2 years, and maybe another 10, I need to get this sorted,rather than dabbling at it, especially as I live in a Flemish gemeente, and one that is fairly strict about it.

MrsSchadenfreude · 12/02/2008 13:19

Gosh, scary, you've got me thinking there! I am assuming we were working at the same place (or was he next door to me at Toyota?).

They used to leave condoms in the "ark" in the junior playground apparently. After getting tanked up at the Europa.

I learned Dutch at the Gemeente in Terv and have good understanding and reading level but don't speak it very well.

Scary, you live on the same road as my friend!

Michie is in Overijse, I think?

We should apologise to Alarkaspree for hijacking her thread. Sorry.

scaryteacher · 12/02/2008 13:26

Mrs S....his workplace had four letters and 26 nations. How many bearded RN submariners do you know? Who is your friend?

suedonim · 12/02/2008 13:32

To the op - go! If it's only for 2/3 yrs the time will fly by, honestly. We visit friends in NY city and also go to their cabin upstate, which is amazing.

I'm currently in Nigeria and have been in Indonesia too. Children adapt very well for the most part, esp when little, like yours.

MrsSchadenfreude · 12/02/2008 14:44

Scaryteacher - is/was he IMS? If so I don't think I knew him. I did work with a lovely submariner (whom your DH must have known) who died very suddenly.

Friend is married to a Flem and has two children in the Flemish system (Moorsel).

And yes, to the OP - go!!

scaryteacher · 12/02/2008 14:52

Mrs S, yes he was IMS, (L and R Div) is now EUMS. If you mean Nigel who died, it was sooo sad. I only met him once.

Moorsel is in the opposite direction to me.

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