Moving to Australia in middle age???

[DeiseGirl66]

My DH and I are both in our mid-fifties. We aren't rich by any stretch, but we earn enough to be able to ride out the cost-of-living crisis. Our older two DCs have flown the nest. The younger one is in their second year at uni. We've recently completed the mortgage on our London home. We love where we live and have a strong community and a lovely group of friends, whom we have known since our kids were in Primary School. So, on the 'life' front, things are good. Workwise, we both have our frustrations. I am a deputy head and inclusion lead in a challenging primary school. The hours are long and emotionally draining and the paperwork is relentless. Before Christmas, after one of the hardest Autumn terms ever, I contemplated jacking it all in, but I am still more than a decade away from the age I can retire on a half-decent pension, at 67! DH has worked as an engineer at the same company for more than two decades. In the past five years he was passed over twice for promotion: on both occasions the promotion was blocked by the same line manager and given to much younger colleagues, both of whom DH had trained and mentored. The second time this happened, in spring last year, it had a seriously demoralising affect on my usually resilient, upbeat DH. Being overlooked twice for a role he could do with his eyes closed was a slap in the face. The thought of being boxed into the same job until he retires in 10 years has seriously affected his mental health and attitude towards work. And then the unexpected happened ...! A passing comment by another colleague about a consultancy job in Melbourne, led DH to send a speculative email. The response was almost immediate. The Melbourne company was highly interested in his skills and experience. Two facetime interviews later and they are offering him a job, starting as soon as the AUS$200k salary and a four-year skills-shortage visa can be sorted. DH is over the moon. I haven't seen him as excited and energised in a very long time. I, on the other hand, am an emotional wreck. I've realised something about myself. I don't do spontaneity and change. I am worried about our youngest and how they will cope if Mum and Dad are on the other side of the world. I love being there for them when they fancy a spontaneous visit. Even though we plan to leave the house for the DCs to use in our absence, coming home won't be the same. I don't want to say goodbye to our friends and supportive community, even for what will be (at most) a 4-year farewell. And yet I know that if I block this, and say I don't want to go, DH will be devastated. It is, potentially, a hugely rewarding move for him professionally and personally. And if, in 3-5 years time, he is still plodding away in the same dull job, contemplating another five years ahead of him, I will blame myself for the missed opportunity. What to do? What to do? Has anyone made a move like this to an overseas destination and found it to be the best decision they ever made? Should we just seize the day and embrace the adventure? Or am I right to be worried about causing upheaval at a point in our lives where everything seemed stable?

Do more research, I don't think you know enough to contemplate moving yet. Can you get decent medical care if you're moving in your mid-50s potentially with pre-ecisting conditions? What housing can you get for your money? How important is the job vs. your social circle, which seems sorted where you live now. Could your DH find a job with a different employer in the UK and get the benefits without the moving costs? How do you both cope with extreme heat in the summer, like the 35 degrees we saw last year?

Reading your post, it seems very much like you're seeing "stay as we are" and "go for this job in Australia" as the two options, when there will be more than that. There have been other threads recently on moving to Aus, flagging the cost of housing, food, lack of culture (especially if you're living in London now), cost and time of flights. Would you be able to drop things and come back to the UK if an elderly parent was ill, or if one of your DC had a baby, for example? The sort of events where family come together. Also, how close are your DC? Would they readily form a sibling group to support each other if you were overseas?

That is so tough

I’m Aus / U.K. so have many friends Ds who ended up making decisions on where to live.

I would probably feel as you do and appreciate close family proximity but then my family is all o/s and I will think a bit differently with my own dc.

re your dh I get he feels energised. No easy answers.
But don’t feel you have to go just due to that.

Go for it and Try it, you are keeping the house in London, if you don’t like it then come home after a year.

my friend moved for her husbands job, they lived away for 4 years and have came back home to buy a house ,mortgage free, her dh has took early retirement and she is working part time, all due to the extra money they earned while living also where.

Just do it.

Life is an adventure, you will have serious regrets if you don't.

Go for it! 200k is a good salary with no Dc to support. You would easily get a job in teaching in Melbourne as well so together you would actually be earning more money.

Melbourne is the kindest weather wise for those from the UK, and cheaper to live in than Sydney. In fact you could get a city apartment for a lot less at the moment due to lots of people moving to regional areas since the covid lockdown.

Personally, I wouldn’t move to Australia because of climate concerns. That aside, I’m all for a new start mid-life and beyond. We’re looking very much forward to our own in a couple of years when my husband semi-retires.

Seize the day. 200k is a healty salary so even if you don't get work instantly your husband will be able to look after you both and you could perhaps take a little time off. Your kids are grown and you are just a plain ride away. I am sure they will come visit.

Do it. Without hesitation.

There are so many upsides to your situation.

You don't need to sell your London house. 200K is plenty to live comfortably on and some.

Your children are young adults and you will be one flight away. In their early/mid 20's you tend to see less of them anyway as they're building their own lives.

If it doesn't work out there will be plenty of teaching jobs awaiting your return!

It will be the adventure of a lifetime, a second wind while you're both young enough to enjoy it. It's the perfect set of circumstances.

Good luck OP, I'm a bit envious!

Go for it and try it. See it as an adventure for 4 years. You don't have to leave them all behind. If you say you are moving permanently for Australia, I think you will regret it. You will miss out being grandparents. But in your situation, you are away for 4 years, you will come back to your children's lives. Do the children have good relationships? Can the older ones look out for your youngest? They can still call you and facetime.

Also, they are young and you are both young. You can both take the long flights. As I say, it'll be very different if you get too old to fly and they are all here with their families.

If you have a strong community and lovely group of friends, I'd try changing jobs rather than morning. What you have there is hard to find and even if you get better jobs, you may find it quite lonely. Is it possible just to rent out your place and maybe move for a year rather than go the 'whole hog'. I'm just worried you might regret it

How old are your DC, are either of your parents alive? Do you think keeping your property here and renting there is an option?

If you are keeping your house and it's 4 years max why not think about him going alone? You could visit for extended periods but still essentially live here, and at the end of the 4 years his life is still here ticking over. Also I think this would be way better for your children - dad's working away for a while versus my parents are upping sticks as far away as they can go!

If you are keeping your house and it's 4 years max why not think about him going
Don't do this, there’s a really high chance your marriage will end.

If Op goes and hates/regrets it there's also a really high chance of that. If OP says no and blocks DH doing this again, a high chance of that.
this is a marriage crisis whatever way it's handled.

It depends entirely on your family ties / commitments.
I have lived and worked in NZ and travelled extensively in Australia.
They are not " just a plane ride " away.
They are a gruelling 20 hour expensive flight, and 12 hour time change away.
If you enjoy being close to the kids and their lives, think v carefully.
We found Australia v expensive.

We don't have kids but we emigrated to Perth 15 years ago - I was 45 and DH was 50.

We didn't have jobs lined up, but stayed with a mate for a month until we found a rental.

DH got a job in the first week ad a chef and I got a job about 3 weeks in.

No regrets from us, we love it here. But we don't have kids and both of us wanted it equally.

EDIT- completely stuffed up post.

I was almost 41 when we emigrated and hubby was nearly 46.

Please excuse the fat finger typing errors.😬

You don't mention your own job at all in your weighings up of whether to leave or stay -- isn't this a key issue? There are two careers in this household, not one, and neither of you are happy in your current jobs, but I would not even contemplate moving countries for someone else's job unless I knew I would also be benefiting my own work life.

Would you take a year's career break from your UK job and treat that year in Aus as an experiment, or quit entirely? What are the prospects like for teachers where you would be living? If you had a different, less stressful job living where you're living now, would you even be contemplating moving?

I don't see the remotest issue in moving countries at any age -- I moved countries in 2019 at 48, for DH's job, technically, but at my behest, as I loathed where we were living and my then job. But I've moved around a lot all my adult life, to work and study and just for a change. I like nothing more than a new culture and a new language, though we'll stay where we are for another six years for the sake of Ds's schooling. You sound very different, and happier with where you are, job aside,

Just be hard-headed, OP. I wouldn't move continents just because of someone else's professional disappointment, no matter how much I loved them. It has to work for both people.

@SeaweedGarters (great name!) she does mention her own job - Workwise, we both have our frustrations. I am a deputy head and inclusion lead in a challenging primary school. The hours are long and emotionally draining and the paperwork is relentless. Before Christmas, after one of the hardest Autumn terms ever, I contemplated jacking it all in, but I am still more than a decade away from the age I can retire on a half-decent pension, at 67! There may be more but there's certainly that bit in the OP, quite near the beginning.

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful responses. It has given me food for thought. Re. my job, I think a one-year career break/sabbatical might be an option but would have to be negotiated. If we made the move, I wouldn't be looking for a job in a school straight away as I would want to spend some time finding my feet and experiencing what the new city had to offer. While it is exciting in principle, I think it is the suddenness of this that has really thrown us. When DH emailed the company he never anticipated that they were recruiting imminently. We had actually planned to visit Oz this summer for a holiday (3 destinations - Sydney, Melbourne, Darwin), and on the back of that, consider a move in 2024 if an opportunity arose. I've never been Down Under but DH spent a gap year there after uni in the early 90s, and loved it. I think part of him has always hankered to return, but family circumstances prevented it. My parents are no longer alive and my two siblings live in different countries. His are in their 80s but in good health. For me, it's the thought of leaving my youngest behind before she's graduated that makes me feel so reticent. She is close to her older DS and DB, but they are just starting out on their owns lives and it feels unfair to place a burden of locus parentis on them, even for a year. In 2024 she will have finished her degree and I think would be much more ready for a separation. She might even want to come with us. But DH is worried that if he turns this offer down now, there won't be another. On the other hand, he wouldn't want to leave without me. A long-distance relationship, with Dad working overseas, wouldn't suit either of us, or the family. We have never been apart in our 25 years of marriage. He sees this very much as an adventure that we share together, not a separation, which I think would be stressful for us both.

Yes, I read that my point was that, other than making it clear she's not happy in her current job, she doesn't mention what the work options are for her in Australia, whether she would quit or explore taking a career break. (I mean, she has now addressed it in her most recent post, I just wanted to say that it's something she should prioritise in terms of her own thought about the situation., because there are two careers in this decision, and two people who are currently unhappy professionally a move shouldn't only benefit one of those people, especially if the other has significant reservations about the move anyway...)

Best wishes with the decision, OP.

Sorry, accidental strikethrough!

I think your husband is in danger of being made redundant if he stays. He’s clearly not valued. And even if you are financially ok, he is a long time off retirement age, yet ‘old’ to be looking for a new job. Which he might well be if he passes up this opportunity.

Your daughter could still join you after graduating, she should be able to get the young person working visa.

I would seriously consider going. 200K is not an amazing salary, and rentals are high. (I’m assuming you’ll want a rental that would accommodate visitors) But if you work, even as a supply teacher then that will make a difference.

How much is 200k in Melbourne compared to a UK salary taking into difference CoL and exchange rate?