Moving to Australia in middle age???

[DeiseGirl66]

My DH and I are both in our mid-fifties. We aren't rich by any stretch, but we earn enough to be able to ride out the cost-of-living crisis. Our older two DCs have flown the nest. The younger one is in their second year at uni. We've recently completed the mortgage on our London home. We love where we live and have a strong community and a lovely group of friends, whom we have known since our kids were in Primary School. So, on the 'life' front, things are good. Workwise, we both have our frustrations. I am a deputy head and inclusion lead in a challenging primary school. The hours are long and emotionally draining and the paperwork is relentless. Before Christmas, after one of the hardest Autumn terms ever, I contemplated jacking it all in, but I am still more than a decade away from the age I can retire on a half-decent pension, at 67! DH has worked as an engineer at the same company for more than two decades. In the past five years he was passed over twice for promotion: on both occasions the promotion was blocked by the same line manager and given to much younger colleagues, both of whom DH had trained and mentored. The second time this happened, in spring last year, it had a seriously demoralising affect on my usually resilient, upbeat DH. Being overlooked twice for a role he could do with his eyes closed was a slap in the face. The thought of being boxed into the same job until he retires in 10 years has seriously affected his mental health and attitude towards work. And then the unexpected happened ...! A passing comment by another colleague about a consultancy job in Melbourne, led DH to send a speculative email. The response was almost immediate. The Melbourne company was highly interested in his skills and experience. Two facetime interviews later and they are offering him a job, starting as soon as the AUS$200k salary and a four-year skills-shortage visa can be sorted. DH is over the moon. I haven't seen him as excited and energised in a very long time. I, on the other hand, am an emotional wreck. I've realised something about myself. I don't do spontaneity and change. I am worried about our youngest and how they will cope if Mum and Dad are on the other side of the world. I love being there for them when they fancy a spontaneous visit. Even though we plan to leave the house for the DCs to use in our absence, coming home won't be the same. I don't want to say goodbye to our friends and supportive community, even for what will be (at most) a 4-year farewell. And yet I know that if I block this, and say I don't want to go, DH will be devastated. It is, potentially, a hugely rewarding move for him professionally and personally. And if, in 3-5 years time, he is still plodding away in the same dull job, contemplating another five years ahead of him, I will blame myself for the missed opportunity. What to do? What to do? Has anyone made a move like this to an overseas destination and found it to be the best decision they ever made? Should we just seize the day and embrace the adventure? Or am I right to be worried about causing upheaval at a point in our lives where everything seemed stable?

About £113,041 (GBP) before tax, which is about £25k more than his current salary. So, certainly not an overwhelming pay increase, especially if you factor in my loss of earnings as least in the short term. I believe taxation is quite high as well (35%) but medical insurance.

In the industry he is in, redundancy is unlikely, but stagnation and boredom are definite hazards.

I wouldn’t move apart from each other either. That’d be ruled out in decision making.

It's tricky. If his parents are in their 80s, the fact that they are in good health now does not mean they will remain so for the next 4 yrs.

It's not a quick journey back to the UK in the event that he needs to travel home in a hurry. How would he feel about being in Oz if his parents get seriously ill or die? At that age, it's not an unlikely scenario unfortunately.

Otherwise, I would make sure you visit and do plenty of research before making a decision. Go out there this half term and try to think objectively about how it might feel to live there.

Does your DH have any siblings that could help with parents potential care needs?

I’d feel the same as you re the DC. I wouldn’t hesitate to ask her siblings to be a first port of call for help she needs though. Surely that’s what family is for, to have your back.

I live somewhere we have zero family and no real close friends. I’ve already told my H that I’m not willing to leave them here on their own to move for work, even if that’s to my detriment. It’s a hard position to be in.

I think English people massively underestimate the cultural differences between the UK and Australia. They are less obvious from afar (or during a holiday) because we speak the same language and look the same. My parents moved here in their late forties and have never established strong social connections. Have a look on some ex pat Facebook groups and forums and see if teachers have managed to find work in the city you’re planning to move to.

My parents moved away in their 50s under similar circumstances. Albeit not to Australia but a flight away nonetheless. I think their five years or so abroad, in a proper city, when dsis and I were early 20s were some of the best years they have had. They came back to sort out elderly parents and then became grandparents, and are now in their seventies and too old for much adventure. I'd say go for it, you can always leave if you don't like it.

My late DH and I moved to Melbourne at 50 on the strength of a job offer in government. DD was about to move to Year 7. Moving and visas are the big expense, so look hard at what the package is offering.

I was a teacher and went from supply to HOD in 4 months. You will have to get your qualifications recognised by the fecking awful VIT before you can work, but they're gagging for teachers and you will have a job in no time.

I'm still here, nearly 17 year later and no regrets. Go for it.

Do PM me if you want to know more.

What do your children think? I think mine would be packing my bags for me and booking their holidays. Is the youngest living at home or away? Can you afford to pay the airfare for a trip over for her in the summer holidays? Do any of them work in London? Obviously if they would hate the idea then as a couple you need to discuss the options however it sounds as if you might have an adventure and he will come back with more experience. What would the impact be on your pension?

I would go as DD is in second year, and close to Dsiblings. And the house is there. Your teaching job sounds exhausting.

I have close family in Aus btw.

I would check the residency/PR requirements very carefully at your age, if you don't have PR or citizenship already. Is your pension transferable?

I don't understand why you can't both look for jobs locally?!

You live in London it's literally got the most jobs.

Sorry OP I think the stress has sent you down a rabbit hole of black and white extreme thinking. Neither of you need to emigrate to get a new job!

It's sad to leave your 20 year old DC to fend for themselves. They will still want emotional and practical support.

This is a good point - your location is the best in the country for jobs. Neither of you would struggle to find something new.

I would do this,
Usually the move to Australia threads are that there's not enough space n one, 200k in Melbourne is decent.

For comparison I live in sydney as a single parent on 150k in the most expensive beach suburb, I live comfortably in my rental with a decent social life plus school fees and the general costs of raising a Chile with no family support.

I'd treat it as an opportunity for an adventure, four years isn't long and given how unhappy you both are in your current work situation with your DH unlikely to change now before retirement.

Invite friends to stay for 3/4 weeks at a time, it sounds like an opportunity to reinvigorate your lives, times you will look back on in your near retirement years.

Make the most of your time here, travel, make new friends, and create those stories that will see you through.

Melbourne is a great little city, the beaches aren't great, but you are a drive from so many lovely weekends away, and people do love it (hardcore Sydneysider here so apologies)

on weighing up the pros and cons, it sounds like a good opportunity to me. Your DH is clearly keen. It’s a decent enough salary for Melbourne even if u don’t work for a while but there is a teacher shortage and it should be easy for you to pick up anything you want.

Rentals there in my experience are cheaper and easier to get than the rest of the country (obviously would depend a little what location you’re keen on). Check on realestate.com.au and domain for options.

You can travel and explore somewhere new which could be great for mental health.

Your kids might also enjoy the opportunity to visit knowing they have somewhere to stay, maybe your uni daughter would like to do a student exchange for a semester (Melbourne unis are Monash, Deakin, Melbourne, Swinburne) where she can do a unit or more of those unis that counts towards her UK degree.

Melbourne weather can be quite cool compared to other locations too, although “4 seasons in one day” isn’t unusual.

Go, you can't wait for the right time because there never will be, wait a year for your youngest, the eldest might get pregnant, 4 years is a short time, you have the house to come back to and to provide stability for your kids.

Plus you can go back in a year if it’s not your cup of tea. Your DH may find with the Aust experience he’s more employable in the UK too

I live in Melbourne.

Yes, you'll need to sort out VIT regulations to teach here, but that is mostly going to be short term pain. There is a need for teachers here, especially as the two school years of lockdown changed so much.

We aren't London but we do have reasonable art, music, theatre, museums if that's your thing. And unlike Sydney we usually have cool nights even if the day gets hot. My sister is currently planning to move here after a decade in London, partly for the weather.

I can see more pros than cons to taking the plunge. Now is the time to grab onto the adventure as in a few years it's likely that the next stage - caring for elderly parents, children partnering and maybe giving you grandchildren- will get in the way.

On that salary you should be able to live comfortably near to town and be able to travel a bit too.

Distances here are hard to fathom if you come from Europe. Sydney-Melbourne is a 10 hour car ride.