When should we move to the US?

[Homeymum2]

Cross posted on education

Option A:

DD1 finish her year 9- start American 4 year high school on the normal US timetable (1 school change)
DD2 does year 7 here - 2 years of American middle school followed by 4 years of American high school?

Disadvantage falls to DD2 with 3 school changes as she is currently y6.

Option B:
DD1 continues at her current high school thru year 11 and joins American HS instead of 6th form

Disadvantages mostly to DD1 socially kids have been together 2 years she's a late joiner
She will have completed GCSEs for no reason? (Or will these still be excellent points for uni applications? Likely a US university but we would support her application to UK universities if she wanted to come back here)

DD2 joins American HS at start of 4 year program only has to change school 2 times instead of 3.

It's swings and roundabouts isn't it. What do the kids think?

Join school as early as possible. The us and the Uk systems are quite different. I would not recommend jumping in at the last year of HS

If you talk to any expat relocation team, they will advise against moving countries with teenage children.

Most companies won't do international transfers with teenage children so I'm surprised your employer is

TBF in the American system she will have 2 years of high school left when she "jumps" in option B.

I live in the US, my kids have been through the US school system and I now have a dd in her first year of college and a son in 11th grade (year 12).

I think from an educational and social perspective either of your options will be fine. Obviously it depends a bit on where you’re moving to but assuming it’s a reasonably sized city your kids should have no problem settling into school whenever they join. Americans are generally welcoming to new people.

If I had to choose from your options and there are no other factors, I’d go for the later option. I think US colleges may look favorably on good GCSE results even if they are not an official criterion in the admissions process, certainly can’t do any harm!

Changing schools between middle school and high school in the United States does not count as “changing schools” the same way it does in the uk. It’s just a normal right of passage here.

typically The smaller schools feed into the larger school. So multiple elementary combine into a middle school. Then multiple middle combine into a high school. You know some of the kids, but not everyone and there is a chance all your friends are in a different wing and share none of your classes.

the best thing is to come into the building at the same time all the other kids are entering the building. That way all the kids are new and are getting to know one another. The worst would be entering in a later year.

Different districts run the schools differently. Our district runs middle school as 6-8 and high school 9-12. So if you started in year 6 or year 9 you would be a new kid just like everyone else. You would get the gentle intro to the bigger school that all the kids are getting. The school does tours and intro days. Our middle school does a scavenger hunt on the first day to help kids learn their way around the large building. Everyone is making new friends. Start any other year and you just have to figure it out.

To add, in my ds’s year group there were 23 new students joining at the start of 11th grade. It is a pretty international community so many of them have moved from overseas. This obviously isn’t typical for US high schools but it’s certainly possible for a move at this point to work well.

one child wants to go, one wants to stay here

@Clymene I don't know what you base your statment about companies and teen agers on.

We are American. We have been here for 6 years. SInce Y2 DD1 and Reception DD2. Current visa would expire in time with scenario A. We have an option to extend to Options B (Or C or D, which we probably won't pursue.)

DH Has been with this employer/on this visa since 2019. Employer is international, boss is in the US. So maybe your statement is based on what a UK employer would or would not do. At anyrate, the company can decide what they want- but the Home Office will ultimately have the final say if we can extend to option B. And they don't really care, I imagine, that our children will be teens. Just trying to figure out if its worth pursueing.

I'm basing it on international company best practice. Teens don't typically integrate well and find it hard to move between different educational systems. And unhappy children make for unhappy employees.

It might be less difficult for your kids, as you're going 'home' but it won't be home for them, even if you've visited lots. They've lived most of their lives outside of the US.

What kind of support is your employer providing to help them integrate?

Most of their lives = most of their lives engaged with wider society. Preschoolers can live anywhere - their home is their family.

@Ponderingwindow Either DD2 will have to enter a 6-8 middle school after completing her first year of uk "High School" - so 2 new schools in 2 years and being a late joiner to the middle school. OR DD1 joins American High School in 11th grade. Either way someone joins late

I have no idea about integration support and it might not matter if we don't get an extension of our visa.

I think the company will apply to extend or change visa tracks if we ask them to.

DH misses home.
I want to keep the kids in school here as long as possible.

I do know the company will pay for our move and does not really mind where DH is working from.

When women regain bodily autonomy and children can go to school without fear of being massacred.

@Homeymum2 I don't think either option is bad, if I had too choose then probably I'd aim to get your oldest DD into an American High school at the earliest possible opportunity.
My reasoning is the various credits she'll need to graduate such as 3 years of a foreign language or 2 years of Art / Drama etc (I know this varies between schools).
If she enters in 11th grade then she might find herself at a disadvantage and unable to take all the subjects she would prefer as she has to fit in 2 years of Spanish for example.
I don't know how US universities view GCSE's but they will be interested in how many AP classes she has taken so the sooner she can start High school and fulfill pre-requisites and get in to AP classes then the stronger her application will be.
I've always found Americans to be very welcoming and the schools have so many extra-curriculars that your children will hopefully join clubs and sports and start making friends very quickly whatever age they move here at.

I feel personally anxious about this.Part of why I want to defer our return. DH wants to move on with his life to the next steps, buy a home (not be renting abroad)...

Option A so they both come away with the 4 year American high school experience, which could be pretty great in terms of extra curriculars, a broader education and generally more fun and opportunity. And longer summer breaks. Dd2 will benefit from making friends in elementary before moving to middle school. Also double check residency requirements for them to be able to pass US citizenship on to their children. It’s not a given!

Ouf - that sounds really tough to negotiate @Homeymum2. International moves impact everyone in the family and moving when your children are little and malleable isn't the same thing as moving them when they're older. Does your husband appreciate that?

I'd move them sooner rather than later if you're going to return while they're still in school. But I do think you need to understand the enormity of this for them. This is not 'going home' for your children. You're removing them from their friendships, their culture, their educational system. It's a lot to deal with.

So they are likely to need a lot of support. I'd want counselling included as part of the relocation package. Or if this is driven by your husband, then you need to factor the cost of this into your financial calculations.

Not American but did part of my schooling there. Unless things have changed massively, I would say Option A. DD2 will find it easier to integrate into HS if she has spent time in Middle School. I wouldn't see the additional move as a negative, more as a way of easing the transition.

If you do go for option B, look for a HS for DD1 that has an exchange program for overseas students (assuming these still exist), as it will be much easier to integrate if she is not the only new arrival from overseas

Having just done this last year and half ago moving a child post GCSEs into the last two years of High School I’d probably recommend getting your eldest in the High School system as early as possible to acclimatise.
You have less time to play around with anything that crops up and as you know it’s far from a like for like education and system. It’s complex, intricate and the style of teaching in and of itself so very different.

Having said that, we know others who have managed it at the Grade 11 point but they had to make a lot of compromises in terms of what they may have been expected to do in the UK (possibly a step down I’m not sure) and what they ended up doing here. It will also be High School dependent I assume as I my have brief experience of only one before my 11th grader left after a semester.

I also moved with an 8th Grader and he’s on his second school here within a year and half. He’s coped fine and since his school stage wasn’t so critical plenty of time to get used to the changes.

It also very depends on the student and what they expect at the end. Good luck with your decision.

Do you have to go? I spent two years there with my family inc two kids. Huge mistake. Life is still better in the UK IMO. The American education system we experienced wasn't great (admittedly it varies between states).

Umm…beg to differ. I moved with 2 teenagers to the us. One started in middle school and one as a freshman in high school. For me, freshman year was the latest I would have transferred. LOTS of kids merging from 2/3 different middle schools and lots looking to start new friendship groups. I would also comment that starting half way through high school would be difficult in terms of calculating Gpa and meeting minimum requirement for graduating high school.
finally, having relocated and worked in relocations quite extensively NOBODY cares how old the kids are. Good luck OP!

Which child is more keen to go and do either of them have a more resilient personality/find it easier to make friends?

I agree with all of this. She'll have far more options available to her if she attends the full four years.

If you're definitely moving back one way or the other then option A is the most practical choice.

I'm sorry you or your partner work for a multinational that doesn't care about the well-being of the entire family @Notinhampshirenow. Most enlightened progressive businesses recognise nowadays that they're not just moving an employee.

Let's not minimise this - most parents In the U.K. wouldn't consider moving schools for a child in year 9, much less moving countries and educational systems. Of course it's going to affect them.

I do agree that earlier is better.