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Original poster

Overseas hardship post - what support would you expect for a spouse?

35 replies

Checkitoutnow · 04/10/2022 15:30

My question is as per the title. Posted to China with a small baby with big company. Lockdowns and quarantines are very stressful and I feel completely neglected by DH’s company.

is this normal? Would you expect support in such a difficult posting or would you be expected to get on with it?

OP posts:
maddy68 · 04/10/2022 15:36

Honestly? I have worked abroad for much of my adult life. I wouldn't expect any support for my spouse

StamppotAndGravy · 04/10/2022 15:39

Some companies provide a budget for spouses to retrain if they can't work locally. Your husband's salary should really include enough to support a trailng spouse though and that should have been part of the original decision. Maybe just renegotiate based on the job now being rubbish rather than that he is married

PuttingDownRoots · 04/10/2022 15:39

That's the reason most of the people I knew living in China on such postings left this summer... I hear its been hellish there.

But since most of it was caused by the Chinese Government, I'm not sure what the company could have done.

StamppotAndGravy · 04/10/2022 15:40

But no, I wouldn't expect support beyond evacuation if needed and normal home working set up. What do you want them to do? You'd get no support if you were locked down in the UK

Original poster
Checkitoutnow · 04/10/2022 15:42

Perhaps I’m being unrealistic. I’m just feeling that the company (through no fault of their own) can guarantee a duty of care to their employees. Money’s not an issue as we have more than enough to live on, but the risks to well being seem too high

OP posts:
PlatinumBrunette · 04/10/2022 15:42

What sort of support do you feel you need? What’s missing for you? Do you have a spouse liaison person?
Some companies are excellent for support, others are beyond awful and treat us/them as literal excess baggage.

Crenshaw · 04/10/2022 15:45

It sounds like the issues are all Covid related, is that correct?

As a PP says, it’s terribly restrictive for all out there and loads of people are leaving.

Justasec321 · 04/10/2022 15:51

It sounds very difficult - the lockdowns there are extreme. I found them hard in a less hostile place.

I think add to that a baby, dh at work and having some release but you having none would be a massive strain.

Is there any way to get the other wives together to see if you could come up with something?

I get you op but am sure of an answer.

HerRoyalNotness · 04/10/2022 15:54

Our company would just elf us get on with it. They had a wives club which I attended once, not for me, but you may find support if your company has one

if there was a major incident, such as the time a war started in a nearby country, we had the option to be repatriated or get on with it.

Original poster
Checkitoutnow · 04/10/2022 16:28

I’m not sure what I expect really. Just some recognition that safety of employees was important

OP posts:
fallinover · 04/10/2022 16:35

I have been given a coach as a trailing spouse, also access to the security team that the company needed.
But social connections I had to make on my own.

helpfulperson · 04/10/2022 17:35

But you aren't their employee. Os your husband getting support from them. What do you think they should be doing that they aren't?

Original poster
Checkitoutnow · 04/10/2022 19:06

helpfulperson · 04/10/2022 17:35

But you aren't their employee. Os your husband getting support from them. What do you think they should be doing that they aren't?

That’s not the deal with a posting normally, is it? If it’s a family posting?

OP posts:
gogohmm · 04/10/2022 19:46

I got nothing at all, didn't expect it either - you aren't the employee. The only thing generally companies pay for is schooling, healthcare for the family is common but we didn't get that.

Crenshaw · 04/10/2022 19:58

Checkitoutnow · 04/10/2022 19:06

That’s not the deal with a posting normally, is it? If it’s a family posting?

Show quote history

A family posting doesn’t make you an employee of the company with all the rights that entails.

It does mean they have a limited duty of care to you as your DH’s family but only relating to general things.

You really have to be clear with us though in order for us to advise. What do you want them to do?

BackToWhereItAllBegan · 04/10/2022 22:23

I've had support in terms of language lessons, visa / local administration and financial compensation for giving up my own job when relocating.
If I was in a high risk area, I would get my own security and driver and we would get repatriated if in an area where war broke out.
Healthcare, education, housing etc for the whole family come with my DH's expat contract and aren't specific to me.
I think all of those are pretty standard and I'm not sure what else you are looking for?

simbobs · 04/10/2022 22:30

I've been in this situation and had to fight for everything - a car, antenatal care, as I had no healthcare provision of my own, and had given up a job to be there. In China, that may be more difficult. It really depends on the company.

meditrina · 04/10/2022 22:33

I wouldn't expect companies to do anything beyond having an admin officer who deals with issues relating the stuff they provide (housing, security, health, children's education at post etc, plus local perks such as club memberships, translation services etc) and offering some support to a spouses/families organisation (some cash to keep it viable and free use of office facilities)

If there isn't a spouses/families organisation for your company (small ones prob don't) then look to see if there are ones linked to other organisations - the embassy/consulate, free-standing British club, ones linked to sports or social clubs. See if there's an American Womens Club (sometimes welcoming to all anglophone nationalities)

LuciaPopp · 04/10/2022 22:36

Depends so much on the company and job- I have been a trailing spouse and had healthcare (which would have included mental health/counselling if needed), language lessons, admin support, help if I’d wanted it to find a job, handyman- we were in an EU country so no security issues.

Can you put your finger on what it is you would like them to do? It might help people say whether it sounds reasonable. Or is it just that you’re unhappy and want to get out?

Again this varies by company but IME if it’s worth sending someone abroad it’s worth making sure they’re happy enough to stay, and that includes the happiness of the whole family. So if you can identify what it is you want, it may be that your husband can negotiate for it.

Lavendersummer · 04/10/2022 22:44

Ask on the Facebook group Two fat expats. I always find Mumsnet isn’t that good at these questions.
personally I would not have gone to China. And the company should be helping you to leave. It’s hellish there - DH company has offices in China. Their duty of care should be helping you to leave.

illiterato · 05/10/2022 06:49

I’ve done one hardship posting. Support was basically in terms of navigating a tricky and perilous admin landscape re leases, cars, ID cards, utilities etc. Had debentures for oversubscribed schools. socially and employment-wise I was v much left to my own devices. I think China is kind of a special case as there’s nothing the company can do about lockdowns/ quarantine camps etc. I have to agree that I would leave. I actually left HK after 12 years in March with the DC because covid restrictions were making life impossible for children and HK was only ever 10% as bad as China. DH is still there. It’s not ideal but do-able. Maybe wait to see if it calms down after the party conference.

Original poster
Checkitoutnow · 05/10/2022 19:58

apologies for not replying sooner. I suppose realistically there isn’t much the company can do. I just would like to hear that they take the welfare of people they send abroad seriously, and I don’t think they do

OP posts:
Canggu · 07/10/2022 02:27

Could you relocate to another Asian posting, so maintaining the benefit of an expat package but in a friendlier environment? Like Singapore?
I travel a lot to Asia and I have met many who relocated out of China.

SherryPalmer · 07/10/2022 02:58

We recently left China and I think it’s hard for posters who haven’t experienced the situation there to comment. It is nothing like the lockdowns in other countries. I think companies should be actively checking in with their employees as to how they, and their families are coping and considering relocating people where necessary.

fallinover · 07/10/2022 03:04

I do know several expat families who are leaving China currently.
It is very difficult by all accounts even for seasoned expats.