Overseas hardship post - what support would you expect for a spouse?

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My question is as per the title. Posted to China with a small baby with big company. Lockdowns and quarantines are very stressful and I feel completely neglected by DH’s company.

is this normal? Would you expect support in such a difficult posting or would you be expected to get on with it?

We got language support/payment for lessons and a relocation officer at our disposal for the first few months to help sort out utilities, insurance, drivers’ licence etc. Company pays housing, international school fees, living allowance. Generous companies might pay membership fees for the local expat clubs but that is it.

We’re also in Asia and a lot of recent expat arrivals where we are have essentially had a managed flee from the situation China. If you are that unhappy I would go home and leave your husband to his job. This was always our plan and the risk we took taking an expat job with young children.

What type of organisation does your husband work for, OP? If it’s, say, the UN or an embassy I’d expect a decent support package. Less so, probably, from a private company. That would be general family support re accommodation, schooling, perhaps language training rather than specific welfare support like stress counselling if that’s what you were thinking of. I can imagine how difficult it must be in China at the moment, especially if you don’t have much experience of expat life (although maybe you do, I don’t know).

With a small baby, I'd go home.

During the lockdowns is your DH allowed to leave the house to do his job?

Having CPTSD, anxiety, and depression is no joke. Constant lockdowns etc. You're high risk for it.

If you're not happy there you can leave whenever you want. They have no responsibility to you, you and your husband are responsible for that. You're there because it pays well. Find a UK based job of you don't like it. It's not up to the company to provide your emotional well-being.

Are you in a compound with other foreigners or in a flat isolated? If moving out of China as I suggested above is not an option, moving in a compound might make a hell of a difference.
let your husband know you are struggling and the company has every interest in making you as happy as possible because they have invested a lot of money in this move, from selection process, visas, housing.
A company can’t change the government but maybe through your healthcare package you can access some mental health support?
You need friends. Have you meet some of the other wives? What are the rules right now where you are? Any baby clubs, language course, calligraphy course? Anything to get out of the house.

I am sorry you are struggling .

@ShanghaiDiva may be able to offer advice, OP, as she spent about 10 years in China with young DC.

I think she returned to the UK lady year but knows China really well.

last year

as @JadeSeahorse says I lived in China for 12 years and moved there when my dd was 2 and ds 8. Expat postings to China are pretty expensive for a company so IMO support for spouses tends to be pretty good: if you are happy as a family you are more likely to be willing to have your contract extended. I had Chinese lessons, fitness club membership and use of driver as support from the company.
As my children attended school (kindergarten for dd) I made a lot of friends that way. The situation now, however, is completely different and many of my friends who have been in China for 15 plus years want to leave. The Chinese government’s approach to controlling the virus makes life extremely challenging and if cases pop up then you are back to daily testing etc as a minimum. Ultimately there is little any company can do to support you: pay for an extended trip home and quarantine costs when you return to China? DH’s company were pretty hot on evacuating employees due to medical issues etc (pre COVID) but a company may be less sympathetic in a situation where you accepted a posting knowing the situation you would face with regard to management of the pandemic. I loved my time in China, but would not return now.

Hope you've settled back in the UK *@ShanghaoDiva!

I used to love reading your posts whilst you were in China. We travelled the country pretty extensively - but in a short time frame - in 2012 so could picture various things you would describe.

Yes, settled back now, although many things I miss: fast trains, dumplings, taobao, super cheap fruit and veg, the incredible pace of change, uniqlo, pianists playing in shopping centres, negotiating in markets...
However, am enjoying buying wide fitting shoes, not being considered an XXL at size 12 to 14 and national trust properties!