Repatriation blues?!

[Musication]

Been back in the UK six weeks after several years in Asia. I was ready to come home, things were difficult out there with covid, I have spent the last 6 weeks feeling so happy to see friends, family and the UK. Normal life is resuming and I'm gearing up to start work in September. My kids started a new school and have settled really quickly and are happy.
Last couple of days though I feel like total shit. Really tearful, homesick for my host country and friends and the live we have there despite covid. I miss being warm and I see winter stretched ahead of me and the juggling of life that working parents have in the Uk. Doesn't help I guess that we are in a rented home for now. Is this blues normal? It'll be okay won't it? I feel terribly depressed and then totally stupid because I wanted to come home, I really did.

and the juggling of life that working parents have in the Uk

Did you not have to do that in Asia?

Not so much. My kids were at an international school where most activities were included and I had a domestic helper who also did school pick ups when necessary.

It's completely normal. We were told to give ourselves 2 years to settle. We moved back 4 years ago but we were in rented & unsettled for about 3 years before we found our feet! We were very close to moving overseas again a couple of years ago.
We still miss all of our host countries we have called home. We're please we're back in the UK though.
Many of our expat friends have moved "home" over the last few years and everyone feels the same regardless of nationality.

Thanks @Spinxsta. I suspect it's going to take a while

Yes, it's normal to feel like this. It takes time to re-adjust. Be kind to yourself while you settle back in.

It's 7 years since I came back from Asia to the UK and there are still things I miss. I think it comes with being an expat.

Can you not have some help here too? Having a child minder to help with school pickups and a cleaner or home help might be a worthwhile investment while you are settling in.

I imagine the weather will take a LOT of getting used to. But friends of mine who lived in hot places love UK summer because you can sit out in the evening and the air is cool and fresh.

In winter, make the most of the bad weather with log fires and cosy pubs and trips to candlelit concerts and theatres.

@robotcollision

Can you not have some help here too? Having a child minder to help with school pickups and a cleaner or home help might be a worthwhile investment while you are settling in.

I imagine the weather will take a LOT of getting used to. But friends of mine who lived in hot places love UK summer because you can sit out in the evening and the air is cool and fresh.

In winter, make the most of the bad weather with log fires and cosy pubs and trips to candlelit concerts and theatres.

Oh yes, I can sort stuff like that out. The logistics will be okay, I guess it's just a lot of adjustment in general.

We moved back to Australia from the UK almost 3 years ago. I loved being home immediately, but I'm struggling with my career. It's stalled and just this week it's finally got to me.

We lived with my parents for the first 3 months which I really enjoyed (they have a fantastic house in a beautiful location), then bought a house near family and old friends so the next 12 months sort of whizzed by.

Then covid hit and I've been working from home for 18 months in a fairly average part time role in local government - because it was close to home.

Funnily I'm struggling with the weather here at the moment! I'm in Victoria and our winters are cold and houses not built for it. Winter never bothered me in the UK because everywhere was always warm, just outside was cold.

Not like here where our houses are dreadful in winter. I feel like I've been constantly cold since April and just counting down until September and the weather changes.

It took me a couple of years to feel at home again when I moved back to Scandinavia from the UK. It's normal. Give yourself time.

I think it's possible to begin to believe that expat bubble life is real and then reality hits. Not saying people don't do it for years and it becomes their way of life. Have you made a list of the things you didn't like. I think our brains forget those.

Completely normal.

'Culture shock' is just as real when you move back 'home' after time living overseas. It can feel even worse, because you are 'home' you just don't expect to need time to get used to things here.

As PP have pointed out, give yourself time and space to get used to how things work here. It helps to remember that 'the first year doesn't count' when you are settling back in again. It will get better.

@FinallyHere

Completely normal.

'Culture shock' is just as real when you move back 'home' after time living overseas. It can feel even worse, because you are 'home' you just don't expect to need time to get used to things here.

As PP have pointed out, give yourself time and space to get used to how things work here. It helps to remember that 'the first year doesn't count' when you are settling back in again. It will get better.

Agree with this and all the others. Took us a good 12 months to settle back into life in the UK after living in the US for a few years.

Be kind to yourself and welcome home!

Ah thanks you guys are so nice. I naively didn't expect to feel like this and feel a bit silly as it should be easy to go home. But I feel reassured that it takes a little time.

Following this. I moved to Scandinavia a few years and I’m eager to move back the UK where all my family and friends live.

I need a reminder that the grass isn’t greener

Sending you flowers from Switzerland And the other thing you will find is that through no fault of their own it will be seem like people in the UK have no idea about the bigger world, languages & culture and they are not interested to ask you to know about it. Join a few facebook groups for repats, that may help.

@Abricot1993

Sending you flowers from Switzerland And the other thing you will find is that through no fault of their own it will be seem like people in the UK have no idea about the bigger world, languages & culture and they are not interested to ask you to know about it. Join a few facebook groups for repats, that may help.

Thank you 😊. I think repat groups/pals might help.

It took DH and I two years to settle down.
We had just readjusted and got our lives together when we went away again!

Dc had a horror of a time readjusting which for some reason I hadn't expected.
But everyone did get there even if it didn't end up being as permanent as we thought it would be.

Good point @Abricot1993

I grew up abroad in an expat community, where cultural differences were are routine part of discourse and considered an interesting topic. Maybe because experience of different cultures was one thing that we all had in common. Took me quite some time to notice how many circles here in England are just not interested.

Nancy Mitford attributed 'abroad is bloody' to a highly eccentric character, turns out to be a way of thinking that is more common than one might expect.

It may be coincidence but most of the people I now consider friends have had some experience of living and working outside their country of origin.

Reverse culture shock is worse in my experience than the shock you experience when you first move somewhere else. Its also unhelpful that absolutely nobody wants to hear it when you get back - they don't want to hear of things that were better when you were abroad, or things your'e finding hard now, they just want to hear how great it is and how happy you are to be back.

When time passes, and you change, you also return to a different place. We moved 'home' to a world where our young professional friends now all had young families, and more money than before we went away. We had to adjust to figuring our a new way of socialising and what our place in the pecking order was. I found making 'foreign' friends really helpful, also meeting new people through activities.

And as others have said, allow yourself an adjustment period. You'll find it hard, your kids will find it hard, its not a sign you've made the wrong decision or it won't all work out well. But its a big change and a lot.

It's so good to read all of these, thank you so much. I feel like I'm wondering around in an absolute state of panic that I can't leave again. My older DC is y4 in September and we have always said we won't move her again and we will let her finish school and stay with her friends. DS is only 2 years younger so mentally I keep thing I have a minimum of 12 years and what if I hate it.
But it is weird because I do like the UK, I have some nice friends that I've enjoyed catching up with but somehow I still feel strange and a bit panicky. But you have reassured me that I may have a long road ahead to resettle, and DH too. I've moved away from a city too which I regret a little so far. The countryside is beautiful and the air is so clear etc etc (unlike smoggy Asian city!) but I've not met a single soul yet who has moved any further than about 10 miles away to live here. It just feels so weird after having friends from every corner of the world. On the upside my DCs classmates are finding them very exotic 😂

10 years hone after 10 years overseas and I can still feel like this at times.
Just last night I was talking to DH about missing my old job and way of life.
I don’t think it helps at the moment that we can’t travel.

@MayflowerMaisie

10 years hone after 10 years overseas and I can still feel like this at times. Just last night I was talking to DH about missing my old job and way of life. I don’t think it helps at the moment that we can’t travel.

I guess expatting changes you forever in one way or another. I'm starting to think this. Agree the lack of travel makes things seem harder. I don't know when I'll see my friends from overseas again because I've come back from a country that is being very strict about travel. I have a number of British friends who would have come back at Xmas but they won't be able to. It'll be a while.

Moved back from Singapore last summer and still not feeling settled. It's been such a hard time to move back. It's been hard to disentangle what we are struggling with due to covid vs being in the uk if that makes sense. We really miss our life and friends there even though we know it wouldnt be the same there now with covid. Reassuring to read others have struggled.
The freedom that having a helper gives you is such a hard one to explain to those who havent had one without sounding very spoilt but we really miss it 🙈 We are trying to make more regular use of babysitters but it's so much more overhead both financially and mentally.

@bunanarama

Moved back from Singapore last summer and still not feeling settled. It's been such a hard time to move back. It's been hard to disentangle what we are struggling with due to covid vs being in the uk if that makes sense. We really miss our life and friends there even though we know it wouldnt be the same there now with covid. Reassuring to read others have struggled. The freedom that having a helper gives you is such a hard one to explain to those who havent had one without sounding very spoilt but we really miss it 🙈 We are trying to make more regular use of babysitters but it's so much more overhead both financially and mentally.

@bunanarama Singapore also. Hard isn't it. It was so hard out there though, and still is so there isn't anything much to miss except people. But can't help how we feel can we.

Reverse culture shock is a very real thing. I experienced it badly even just on long holidays.