Repatriation blues?!

[Musication]

Been back in the UK six weeks after several years in Asia. I was ready to come home, things were difficult out there with covid, I have spent the last 6 weeks feeling so happy to see friends, family and the UK. Normal life is resuming and I'm gearing up to start work in September. My kids started a new school and have settled really quickly and are happy.
Last couple of days though I feel like total shit. Really tearful, homesick for my host country and friends and the live we have there despite covid. I miss being warm and I see winter stretched ahead of me and the juggling of life that working parents have in the Uk. Doesn't help I guess that we are in a rented home for now. Is this blues normal? It'll be okay won't it? I feel terribly depressed and then totally stupid because I wanted to come home, I really did.

My DH did 2 stints in USA before we met. One for Business School and the other for work. Both a few years. He said after Atlanta sunshine he arrived back in UK on a grim grey January day and felt gutted.

He wisely said “there is no culture shock as bad as when you are reentering your own culture”

It will get better- unfortunate timing for a big move but give it time.

It's also unhelpful that absolutely nobody wants to hear it when you get back - they don't want to hear of things that were better when you were abroad, or things your'e finding hard now, they just want to hear how great it is and how happy you are to be back.

This is so true. That's partly why it was so difficult to come back. It's still hard sometimes, because for me some important things were easier in the UK.

Honestly OP one thing I'd consider seriously is whether your specific location is the right choice. You mention you're renting which provides some flexibility.

I found that living in a different culture helped me be a lot clearer about the kind of lifestyle I wanted. I currently live in a small ex-council house, very centrally located where I can walk/bike pretty much everywhere. Its got lots of creative types, and a nice sense of community despite being urban, and is fairly diverse. If I had never moved abroad I would have dismissed this area as 'dodgy' and this house as too small.

It sounds like you might have imagined a rural idyll as having all the things you couldn't offer your children in Singapore without realising that actually you'd struggle somewhere nobody has left for more than ten minutes, and that actually now you want a more diverse and lively environment. Which is absolutely nothing against rural living, I know lots of people who have lived abroad and come to the opposite realisation. But I guess... you can be committed to the UK, but recognise that being somewhere with public transport/a theatre/a more diverse population is important to you. You still have some space to make those decisions, and it would necessarily be totally uprooting your children.

@leakymcleakleak

Honestly OP one thing I'd consider seriously is whether your specific location is the right choice. You mention you're renting which provides some flexibility.

I found that living in a different culture helped me be a lot clearer about the kind of lifestyle I wanted. I currently live in a small ex-council house, very centrally located where I can walk/bike pretty much everywhere. Its got lots of creative types, and a nice sense of community despite being urban, and is fairly diverse. If I had never moved abroad I would have dismissed this area as 'dodgy' and this house as too small.

It sounds like you might have imagined a rural idyll as having all the things you couldn't offer your children in Singapore without realising that actually you'd struggle somewhere nobody has left for more than ten minutes, and that actually now you want a more diverse and lively environment. Which is absolutely nothing against rural living, I know lots of people who have lived abroad and come to the opposite realisation. But I guess... you can be committed to the UK, but recognise that being somewhere with public transport/a theatre/a more diverse population is important to you. You still have some space to make those decisions, and it would necessarily be totally uprooting your children.

Thanks so much for this. Yes we chose to rent in case it didn't feel right, which it kind of doesn't. I don't want to go back to my home city specifically because it doesn't have great schools and has a particular vibe that I don't want for my kids as they are teens. But I think I might look for a nearby market town or something when it comes to buying (need to sell our house first). There is a lot to like about the countryside and I might get used to it but I'm not convinced yet.

yes totally normal...reverse culture shock - takes a few months to get back into the swing of being home - just as it did when you first moved away...helps to find new friends and experiences as well as catching up with people you knew before