What keeps you where you are?

[Hatchee]

As one half of a dual-national couple with a two-passport child, I often find the discussions here really interesting and relevant. But I wonder something about, broadly speaking, what keeps us where we are. Discussions are often based around big quality-of-life issues, and politics can even come into it too. Obviously these are important. But are things like that what keep you from moving or make you move, or is it more personal?
I'm American and my partner's British. I lived in the UK for many years; we met and had our child there, then moved to the US a few years ago. We look to be settled here now. I could go on about quality-of-life issues, but for me the greater reality is that these are two of the wealthiest countries in the world and it's possible to have a similarly comfortable life in both. When I look at why we remain in the US, I don't necessarily look at larger quality-of-life issues, where there are always tradeoffs between the two countries. And I sure don't look at politics - we probably would have forsaken both our countries and thrown ourselves on the mercy of the Danish embassy if that was the case. I look more at the micro things.
Broadly speaking, I'm not a fan of American suburban sprawl, but I like our walkable, close-to-a-downtown neighborhood. I like our child's school. I like the things I come in contact with in the five-mile radius that makes up most of our daily life. If we'd stayed in the UK, we probably always would have been at least two hours away from my partner's parents. Whereas now we live in my hometown and my parents about 15 minutes away, which is a huge help since we both work fulltime. Plus my relationship with my parents is good, whereas my partner's relationship with parents and siblings is ... we'll call it complicated.
I wonder about this because of course, I do think about broader-picture stuff as well. And I'd love to get other perspectives. When you feel yourself drawn to leaving or staying in a place, what's at the front of your mind? Is it the big issues, or the place you live?

Contrary to what a lot of people seem to think, moving abroad is not that simple. To up sticks and move to another country is a HUGE deal.
You have to consider a list of things:

• passport/visa to the country you have your eyes on
• whether you speak the local lingo
• do you have relations/friends there
• your age
• job prospects
• quality of life there
• property prices/ healthcare/infrastructure/weather/geographical position etc..

Moving abroad is not exactly like moving house in the same town but some people behave as it is.
Personally I would have to have only a suitcase-full of belongings to move abroad. But I have way more. It is not easy to be mobile when you’ve accumulated stuff.

We’ve decided to move home but as Brits in the USA the things that have been keeping us here include the weather (California!), work opportunities for DH, local community of friends (although most of them are Europeans and have moved back) kids going to a local good school, proximity to Hawaii!! Ummmmm I guess also the attitude here is one I’ll take home, that kind of “how can I help you get what you need” atttide I’ve come across so often that has taught me its ok to ask for what you want like contacts and work and opportunities, no offence is taken when you ask that kind of favour and people are very willing to help you make connections - even though I still hate “networking” it’s a lot easier here because people don’t see it as a major faux pas

Covid19 and the fact that my OH cannot make his mind up to stay or return to UK. That's what's keeping us 'here'.

He's here because he's earning more than he would earn in the UK but compared to our peers 'here' it falls very short.

I'm here because I said I'd support my OH. Now I'm fed up. I don't know what to do either. DC has a school but few friends.

Our UK home will soon be empty. An opportunity to return. But it needs work and OH is unwilling to spend money on it. Due to covid19 Ive been furloughed again.

OH is a hoarder so DC and I have been chucking stuff out in preparation of a move that may never happen. Trying to move back as cheaply as possible means that DC and I will have to be suitcases only. Whilst OH's hoarded rubbish will have to be shipped.

I'm so fed up I could spit. I've ranted now and feel a bit better.

We stay here (France) because it feels like home. It is home. DH is French and we discuss moving abroad for career purposes but with the idea of coming home to France afterwards.

I think we stay here because we're happy and I can't imagine a better life if we returned to the UK. I think I'd be bored if I returned, that's not because I think the UK is boring or that where we are is better, I just love living here.

We're in the Middle East and to be totally honest, it's the $$ / husbands package that keeps us here. There's no way we'd earn anything like this is the UK. It's setting us up for life, but I often wonder, at what cost?

Quality of life for us. We live in a very safe European city. Outdoor life is encouraged and everything is very family orientated. I love that we don’t have or need a car and we walk everywhere. We’ve recently had DS and I want him to have the opportunities that growing up here will give him.

Financially we’re much better off too and I think we’d find the drop in salary hard if we returned to the UK.

I am an American but live in the UK and now have a UK passport. Currently, I'm staying in London because:

• my daughter's father lives here;
• I love my job;
• I hate the poisonous US work culture;
• I seriously object to the US health system;
• I hate the US attitude toward quality of life issues that are considered human rights in the UK (like maternity leave);
• I like being able to live without a car;
• I like being close to continental Europe; and
• I can't stand the race and political issues in the US.

There are a lot of positives about the US - my family is there, everything is easy and convenient, and it's geographically huge, so it's relatively easy to move to different types of areas if you have citizenship. Sometimes I also miss the more direct and honest (?) way Americans stereotypically communicate. But for now, I'm staying put

We are in Australia, came her for my husband's posting, but I don't feel I belong so can't wait for the last kid to finish school and be able to move back to Europe, any country will do!
We are not doing the move now, because we have really moved too much. 4 countries, 4 languages (we are French, so English is a new language for us) , 4 school systems, 4 sets of goodby and I feel that the friends you have in high school are different from any friends you will have in your adult life.
So I am biting the bullet . Covid however is making this extremely difficult as we would normally go back to Europe twice a year, but borders are closed out and in, and I feel like a prisoner here.

We are in a European city as a dual nationality couple. Neither of us was born in this country, but my DC was born here. We’ve been around for a long time, have great friends and neighbors, good jobs, and my DC is settled in school. It would feel like starting from zero if we went anywhere else.

Very much agree that it is not an easy choice to make or maintain but we are 22 years down the road now. What kept us here was the quality of life - weather, nice house with loads of space, health care, being able to drive anywhere in Europe easily. Our dcs have had a great education but it was hard work. The upside is they are very resilient.

We stay for the quality of life, especially for our children. My youngest was born here.

I always have itchy feet and I look for jobs in other countries regularly, but the UK is not on our list of places to go (we're both British).

We've lived in South America and now Thailand. Both relatively easy moves with no major language issues, as my Spanish was pretty good before we went to S America and in Bangkok you can manage very well with limited Thai. We could earn far more in HK, Singapore, Malaysia, or the Middle East. These are all possibilities for us in the future.

We expected this move to be 3-5 years and we're comfortable moving again before the children hit Secondary school, but we moved to a different compound with the most amazing neighbours and community, and I just can't imagine being so happy somewhere else!!

I also find it v interesting hearing other people's thoughts on this. It's a very common story here to come for a 2 year posting and stay for a decade or more. I wonder if that will be the case for us. And I wonder if/when you 'know' that you will stay long term. Or do you just wake up one day and realise your short/medium term stay has turned into 10+ years?!

Well the UK is an absolute shit show right now. I'm off again as soon as I can.

We moved because my husband had always wanted to, and the recession in Ireland (and the weather) prompted us to give it a go. We moved to Australia, I'd never even visited, but I knew I was home as soon as I got here.

The only drawback is missing family, especially now our border is shut so we can't really leave, even for emergencies its very difficult and expensive. But the quality of life here is amazing, Before Covid hit we bought a beautiful house near the beach which we would never have been able to afford in the UK or Ireland. I love the weather, and we have made lots of friends, we just seem to fit in better here than in the UK and Ireland. And we have almost zero Covid here, and our lives are fairly normal at the minute (although obviously this could change at any time).

I must admit, once I saw how Brexit was panning out, I was very glad to be out of it all. And watching how the UK government is handling Covid just reinforces that. I do worry for friends and family in the UK and Ireland though.

Lack of work elsewhere and lack of own funds to move ourselves. Sigh. 2.5yrs is now 7, the most boring place I’ve ever lived and my life is wasting away

We are trinationals and the main reason for staying in the UK has been my stepkids. With the youngest stepkid getting closer to 18 we have a big decision to make. The prep schools in the UK are fabulous but state education is severely underfunded. Our kids could get a state education in the US for free and that's a huge draw. Continental Europe is an option but I don't speak French or German and neither do our kids. I worry how hard that would be for them.

I have citizenship now - Brexit forced that decision and on balance this seems like a better place to stay than the UK, although obviously it's got it's own problems. To be honest we were never expats, this is DH's home country and therefore the children are automatically citizens, and staying permanently was always an option though not a foregone conclusion.

The children's schooling keeps me here and having moved around the UK a lot as a child myself I always felt like an outsider and wanted my children to have roots and a sense of belonging to a community.

I'm not sure we'll stay for ever. I miss the North sea. I don't miss individual people any more, it's been too long, but I miss the easy friendships I used to have - I avoid expats because my life isn't like theirs and we live quite a long way outside the nearest expat city so it wasn't worth the travel in to groups I did a decade ago, but friendships in a language you didn't start learning until your 30s aren't the same as ones in your native language IME.

Nothing is perfect but I feel as "other" in the UK as here now. Meh. It's better where we live than in most of the world I think, on multiple levels.

UK is not my home country nor my husband’s. What keep us here are jobs and the children, and schools. They were both born here, are settled and I think they feel British.

HerRoyalNotness
KSA ?

Reasons to stay: Good quality of life, nicer weather, access to sports. Better pay. Ability to travel (normally), enjoy my job.
Reasons to go: me and the BF have not to to see each other since the first of Jan due to travel reductions, unable to attend family events such a funerals.

Saudi.
Money.

London - big city and all that
Teen - friends / opportunities to do stuff
Jobs - London one of best cities for sector, probably the best

General vibe

Dual citizenship Aus / Eng. I do have moments of really enjoying an Australian accent and bluntness when I hear stuff from there

I agree you don't move to another country, you move to a specific town, even a specific street in another country. We stay because we have found a place with lifelong friends, people who won't be going away, which is making us less transient as well. We imagine our children growing up together, we are a family. I miss my real family every single day, but I enjoy my life and job here so much more.

We're in Sweden and have no intention of returning. We initially came for just 4 years but are now permanent. For me it's the sense of community. Here I feel people are much kinder to each other and more compassionate. I didn't realise how aggressive we brits are until I lived amongst a gentler people.

The real turning point for me, when I realised I now identified more with my host nation, was at the height of the migrant crises. The British media was full of stories holiday makers complaining about how it was ruining their holidays. The Swedish media was full stories of holiday makers taking extra suitcases full of blankets and nappies and food to give out when they got there, and information for how the rest of us could help out.

Currently being kept here (Australia) because the borders are closed .

But aside from that, good jobs, with accompanying standard of living, family nearby-ish (ILs), pretty nice weather all year around and just a 'general' comfort of being. Nothing too exciting but nothing awful either. Of course all could change in a heartbeat, but that's the current situation.

Would like to consider returning to the UK, but currently doesn't seem like the best idea and will sit tight here for a couple of years (or maybe more).